since you're likely autistic do you have any non-verbal abilities that you're bizarrely good at? why don't you use one of those skills to make something really cool and sell it?
Oh, an edit, because I think it's important to say this first and now: Schplew, your estimate of being 90-95% sure of being more intelligent is probably right. I'd say 80% at a minimum, a liberal estimate. You are more intelligent than I am, IWD is more intelligent than I am, and it's probably by a large margin. Of course raw processing power isn't everything. 150 IQ, GED at 26, dysfunctional life; 150 IQ, failed 10th grade twice, dysfunctional life. *elbow nudge* I only jest. And I'm even worse, I've never denied it. We're all dysfunctional here. There are a few things that would leave a chance of surpassing, but I wouldn't count on them. I've experienced a wide range, fluctuation, in cognitive ability, the multitude of things causing a detrimental effect, which may have a few common roots, and it's possible I'm an unusually slow developer, a development lag has been seen in those in ADD and autism. Example:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/07/120730094822.htmIt's very possible, even likely, that I've caused irreparable damage, but with drugs and what the future may hold, there might be hope.
Let me tell you a story: In high school, due to various things, like literally never speaking unless necessary, then hiding in the bathroom whenever I had a gap between classes, vandalism like drawing swastikas around the school, and eventually writing KKK (small) on the space underneath a desk where you'd put your stuff, they searched my backpack and I forgot I had some sort of dry small school book with some drawings meant for children about some shit that I had written disturbing and offensive things in and planned to leave somewhere. If I could go back in time I'd have walked the fuck out of there when they'd asked to invade my privacy, one of the things that has infuriated me the most, or a smarter option would have been to pretend I was about to it was an emergency and was about to piss/shit myself, and literally sprinted to the bathroom or some other place where I could dump stuff and have plausible deniability. They had already made me meet with a psychologist around once a year or so, pretty casual and short, I remember one asking me once what my interests were, what I read/watched/enjoyed, something like that, mentioning a few things (Do you like reading about x, x,) the as if it was just casual, something like *noticeable short pause* "violence?" Well, forward, my sophomore or senior year I was having a meeting which included the principal, blonde White with short hair (neither attractive or ugly), who was ex-military, a higher up ranking with authority over others (she didn't seem like a hardass though, laid back and casual enough) told me that I was the most self-destructive person she had ever met. It's interesting that someone in her position, considering the amount and kinds of people she had met, the years she had lived, considered me worst above all in this regard. It's true, and at the time I think I had unrealistic views of what I would do in the future, my capabilities, along with just being a mess regardless of whether I wanted to, but I now wonder if subconsciously I knew what I was doing and really did have a drive towards self-destruction, which could have been triggered by social ostracism/alienation, or a hatred of the world I had been born into.
There's interesting information about autism and schizophrenia and sensory gating. Schizophrenia sucks, but on the autism spectrum individuals can essentially receive data from the external world that is "less filtered". This can have benefits.
Actually, I also need to say that, surprisingly, I know hardly anything about autism. More than the average person, because people don't fucking read, but my level of knowledge is pretty basic. I guess that for most of my life I didn't really care about it. My view was that the diagnosis wasn't necessarily very valuable information if it isn't able to tell me exactly what is different about my brain/endocrine system than others. My view has changed, though. To illustrate, if you are Black, one data point, and it's known that Blacks can afflicted with a disorder that seems to cause x symptoms, yet it's unknown via what mechanism, it's still the best information you have available and should factor that into your decisions. So if you meet the symptoms and it's the best explanation you can find, treatment should be considered. But there's just so much possible variation, biological/genetic variation.
Looked through my history, I think I was looking for information on differences in the hippocampus in autistic individuals to see if there was any plausible mechanism that would cause NSI to have different effects:
http://www.healthline.com/health-news/mental-oxytocin-levels-may-explain-autistic-issues-080913The drawback can be with sensory overload, the outside world and social environments feeling overwhelming. On the other hand it may increase the ability to make connections that most wouldn't see. I do seem to have an unusually good memory in some regards, but it's not necessarily valuable information. Makes me worry that it could lead to clutter. For example:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/01/140120090415.htm "The human brain works slower in old age," says Ramscar, "but only because we have stored more information over time." Worrying, very worrying, although it's possible I place undue importance (from a rational perspective, it's really more biologically based, evolution and humans being social creatures) on certain things like message boards, because this is my community, social environment, whereas others would form memories from face to face social interaction. Then again, those memories could and probably will eventually be overwritten, particularly considering I rarely think about the past or place emotional importance on anything, and think about the enormous amount of literature some people read.
I've thought about why I've developed the way I have, and some key factors were probably ADD (which I may not longer have, inability sustain focus may have been cause by something other than genes, although I still have a preference for switching between many items rather than sustaining focus for long periods) as opposed to monomania (
http://westhunt.wordpress.com/2013/11/27/focus/), which caused my to develop a wide knowledge base rather than specializing or gathering information from a much smaller number of sources, which could cause people to miss key information, although there can absolutely be a strong benefit to specialization, ah.., no I definitely don't think it's for me. If you need a specialist, you can hire one, or learn what you need. Only problem would be in the case where no one else could know about something, but that could be dealt with, and you're always going to face the reality that you're a limited human being, just one person, and can't do everything yourself.
Along with social isolation and blunted affect.
For the first, if you don't spend time chattering about inane nonsense you have much more time to think and read, and you also have less of an effect from group biases, humans being strongly influenced by social factors. I never aligned myself with any groups or felt shame about my thoughts, so I was able to analyze everything as an outsider and was unafraid of any topic that others would have strong emotional aversion to.
Second, thinking vs feeling. Hard heads, hard hearts, soft hearts, soft heads is the way it usually goes. Cold rational analysis.
I think that's it. I found this in one of my text files, a list of disorders I probably have: autism, add, anxiety, irritability/feeling of hatred towards humans, no experience of empathy, low testosterone, depression, blunted affect, schizoid, possible psychopathy
But why don't I apply myself and make something cool? Worldview, at the core. I've genuinely never been aware of a career that I had interest in, that I would enjoy and there really isn't much I think I could do with money, I don't want anything particularly expensive and don't think I could buy joy. I mean, I suppose that rationally it would help you prepare for the future and better your life, but it's like being excited over eating healthy and exercising. You could fund things, try to change the world, but I'll get to that later. Super-villain? That would be fun, but what does it amount to, if pleasure is your goal, from a rational perspective, there are likely more optimal ways to acquire it. Proving yourself and becoming famous, there's definite allure, but I think it's largely biologically rooted. Then there's all the disorders you'd have to work through, severe depression and being anergic, not deriving pleasure, people being what drives others and allows them to function well, maintaining focus for long periods (months, years) on a goal and going through with things, having the courage, confidence and drive.
But even beyond that you could attempt to be a pure rationalist and just end up practically a computer or comatose, not seeing a point to anything. And we're all just limited single beings, as I said, the world will go on just fine without us and it's extremely unlikely that any one person if someone that would have changed the world. Now, you may bring up inventions, but this is misleading: People often seem to have the base view as if if someone who invented something was never born it would never have been created or there would have been a major delay. Absolutely false, the
vast majority of development is generally cumulative or serendipitous, This discovery is made, this information available, and the next logical step is this. In most cases many major inventions were actually being developed by multiple people at damn near the same time, sometimes in multiple places in the world, but someone files the patent first, becomes known for it, and they get all the fame and credit. In reality there are very very few true prodigies that the world be a loss at if they had never existed, and with billions of people on earth you could view things as a probability game. I have no interest in being a cog and it would give me no joy.
Now, other than hard science contributions, what about changing people, trying to significantly alter the course of history in a positive manner? Not gonna happen, absolute waste of time. Even if you went the route of political assassinations, there's a good chance things could just end up even worse, and it's not as if everyone's suddenly going to change their mind and agree with you, if you're even correct. Business, revolutionizing some aspect of society? Like the above, would most likely happen without you. Raising awareness of something, of an idea, a possibility? This holds more promise. What I mean is, picture going to Ivy League schools and enthralling a hall of students with an idea many or most weren't aware of, at least the ones that matter, that are in relevant fields or cut out for them. Once again it's a probability game and you'd be increasing the chance of someone making a major contribution, having more people work in a field, towards a goal. Better have some damn good charisma, though, or hire someone that does. Then there's the massive social and business networking, dealing with people. Yeah, that's not for me. And maybe the impact would be insignificant, since people have proclivities towards certain things due to intrinsic factors. Maybe the people that actually matter would have become aware of, worked towards whatever, regardless of whether or not you had said anything. We have the bloody internet now, it's not as if information is difficult or costly to acquire.
So basically I am insignificant in the grand scheme of things, as far as I can see, the world will get on just fine without me, I don't give a shit about being known or remember, in fact, I would be pissed if I was because it would cause more people to annoy me, and I don't care about proving anything. I'm either going to sit back and prepare for the singularity, improve my biological vessel, or commit the perfect cryogenic suicide, "Dying to live". But it's fully possible that a person like me, with this rare combination of qualities and who has no moral qualms with any act, could do something to really change the world in the direction I would like, my ultimate goal being the singularity, and I just haven't thought about it.
Jesus fuck, my regimen is turning me into IWD. The parnate anxiety seems to be gone, I functioned much better outside yesterday. Anyway, you tell me sploo, what do you think I should do? Can you think of any way, regardless of how outlandish it may seem, that I could change the world? I should do some thinking and make a list.
What do you want to do with your life? I remember the vitality of youth I had, the youthful naivety and dreams. It's a good time to dream, before life tears you down.
