The Sanctuary
Ego => Head Shrinkers => Topic started by: RustyShackleford on September 16, 2014, 01:46:04 am
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I honestly don't care to live really in this consumer world. Everyone and everything is a commodity. Going to school and work drains me of almost all drive to be creative and spiritual. It most certainly does not make me happy. I don't spend any of my money - having it accumulate brings about the same joy as spending it. I don't socialize with anyone, I also don't want to cause spending money. I feel like a zombie during the day. When I wake up in the morning I want nothing other than going back to sleep - forever.
School is entirely devoid of intellectual stimulation - endless liberal arts classes filled with propaganda and disinformation. My STEM classes are given with no practical applications and outdated by nature. My office work is just politics. I'm leaving my dishwashing job for another office job, should actually be better - in theory. In reality it is miserable. I am faced with the dilemna of embracing my career or idk what. I just like being outside and playing with my cats. I could try and become neet, but this murica and it would just make me dependent on the gubmint instead of my parents.
I am seriously considering joining some sort of monastary / commune deal. Do nothing but meditate all the time. It sounds very nice, but why wouldn't it be plaqued by the same politics as everything else. I can embrace technology and try to make as much money as possible, or even just try to get by, but doing so is inevitably immoral. I enjoy being able to talk to people around the world on an online forum, but what technology has brought is amounted to nothing but people posting memes and stupid bullshit on the internet.
I almost want to an hero, but I truly believe that their is a universal condition we experience living or dead. Not explicitly reincarnation, but everything would still be the same, or at least be a seamless transition. I see being happy or sad as less relevant than just experiences and being miserable is just another experience. I guess what I'm really unsure about is which bootstraps to pull, do I integrate more or less. I experience a lot of dissonance with most people, and social anxiety about things like taking a piss in public that make integrating hard even when I would like to. It is a vicious cycle in some ways, in others I love it.
tl;dr I want to be like Malice but without fostering hate.
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I honestly don't care to live really in this consumer world. Everyone and everything is a commodity. Going to school and work drains me of almost all drive to be creative and spiritual. It most certainly does not make me happy. I don't spend any of my money - having it accumulate brings about the same joy as spending it. I don't socialize with anyone, I also don't want to cause spending money. I feel like a zombie during the day. When I wake up in the morning I want nothing other than going back to sleep - forever.
School is entirely devoid of intellectual stimulation - endless liberal arts classes filled with propaganda and disinformation. My STEM classes are given with no practical applications and outdated by nature. My office work is just politics. I'm leaving my dishwashing job for another office job, should actually be better - in theory. In reality it is miserable. I am faced with the dilemna of embracing my career or idk what. I just like being outside and playing with my cats. I could try and become neet, but this murica and it would just make me dependent on the gubmint instead of my parents.
I am seriously considering joining some sort of monastary / commune deal. Do nothing but meditate all the time. It sounds very nice, but why wouldn't it be plaqued by the same politics as everything else. I can embrace technology and try to make as much money as possible, or even just try to get by, but doing so is inevitably immoral. I enjoy being able to talk to people around the world on an online forum, but what technology has brought is amounted to nothing but people posting memes and stupid bullshit on the internet.
I almost want to an hero, but I truly believe that their is a universal condition we experience living or dead. Not explicitly reincarnation, but everything would still be the same, or at least be a seamless transition. I see being happy or sad as less relevant than just experiences and being miserable is just another experience. I guess what I'm really unsure about is which bootstraps to pull, do I integrate more or less. I experience a lot of dissonance with most people, and social anxiety about things like taking a piss in public that make integrating hard even when I would like to. It is a vicious cycle in some ways, in others I love it.
tl;dr I want to be like Malice but without fostering hate.
I only read half of that shit, but I feel you brother. I'm 34, so I'm fucking old. I've been trying to get ahead my whole life, but never got anywhere. But, then again, I never really tried to get ahead, because I've always seen the system for the mindfuck that it is and wanted no parts of it. Success in my mind is NOT becoming a part of the system of EVIL. I'm trying to be like Jesus and throw the TABLES IN THE AIR. Fuck the game, fuck the system. But, that's the point. If you find life boring, it's because it is. If you can't deal with it, you need to realize that most people never get that far. You need to man up, grab you sack, pull that shit up as hard as you can and realize that you're fucking awake. You're already at a supreme advantage over everyone else. It might not seem it, you might not believe it... It's hard to fit in to a society of fuckups when you're a god. But, believe me, you gotta find the Good Faith... You have to become a god and realize that there is more out there than you or anyone else ever imagined or let on to. And, you have to realize that those in power, with money, with prominence, and position, are going to try to fuck you at every turn. This is the life you live... Either cry like a little bitch or man up and own it.
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i really hate our system but unfortunately you need to make money to just survive and enjoy the little luxuries life will throw at you. i always feel like a 7th grade anarchist when i think of this, but at heart i love being a rebel and not following society's rules.
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was there a point to this or just a personal rant?
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was there a point to this or just a personal rant?
your so fucking annoying sometimes. just sympathize with us and talk about how your life sucks.
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was there a point to this or just a personal rant?
your so fucking annoying sometimes. just sympathize with us and talk about how your life sucks.
But, his life doesn't suck, cuz he spends his days fucking babies and talking BS! And, to him, that pure fucking Heaven!
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was there a point to this or just a personal rant?
your so fucking annoying sometimes. just sympathize with us and talk about how your life sucks.
if its just sometimes ill have to step up the pace
unfortunately i cant sympathize because my life doesnt suck. anyone that thinks their life sucks either isnt doing enough to un-suck it or they intentionally want their life to suck so they can derive satisfaction from wallowing in their own misery
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was there a point to this or just a personal rant?
your so fucking annoying sometimes. just sympathize with us and talk about how your life sucks.
But, his life doesn't suck, cuz he spends his days fucking babies and talking BS! And, to him, that pure fucking Heaven!
the first part...true
them middle part...not so much
the last part...true
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was there a point to this or just a personal rant?
your so fucking annoying sometimes. just sympathize with us and talk about how your life sucks.
if its just sometimes ill have to step up the pace
unfortunately i cant sympathize because my life doesnt suck. anyone that thinks their life sucks either isnt doing enough to un-suck it or they intentionally want their life to suck so they can derive satisfaction from wallowing in their own misery
i am completley happy with the way my life went and i still think it sucks. i think everyone deep down has lots of regrets, its just how you approach them that matters
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was there a point to this or just a personal rant?
your so fucking annoying sometimes. just sympathize with us and talk about how your life sucks.
But, his life doesn't suck, cuz he spends his days fucking babies and talking BS! And, to him, that pure fucking Heaven!
the first part...true
them middle part...not so much
the last part...true
LOL, except that the last part validates the middle part,
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Hey Rusty, I don't have any tips for you but a question. How did you find your Zoklet avatar? It always made me wonder if you're German because it was of a German rapper. Lance Butters.
You've truly figured out that life is a bitch. Get laid as much as you can, take every experience you can and die.
Y'know, just go out and play with your cats. It doesn't really matter anyway.
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Hey Rusty, I don't have any tips for you but a question. How did you find your Zoklet avatar? It always made me wonder if you're German because it was of a German rapper. Lance Butters.
You've truly figured out that life is a bitch. Get laid as much as you can, take every experience you can and die.
Y'know, just go out and play with your cats. It doesn't really matter anyway.
I'm telling you, it's about a sock, not a cat.
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"These liberal arts classes are nothing but brainwashing bs, man. And dude, like, consumerism. Guess I'll just kill myself maybe."
:rolleyes:
You sound depressed. True change comes from within. You must be your own light if you want one at all.
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"These liberal arts classes are nothing but brainwashing bs, man. And dude, like, consumerism. Guess I'll just kill myself maybe."
:rolleyes:
You sound depressed. True change comes from within. You must be your own light if you want one at all.
So, grandmaster... Would you concur that it's about a sock and not a cat?
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I feel you Rusty. I've been feeling the same way for a while now. Sometimes I feel like all I can do is take a deep breath and just exist for the sake of existing. It's like I have nothing to live for right now. Maybe I'm just depressed... who the hell knows.
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I feel you Rusty. I've been feeling the same way for a while now. Sometimes I feel like all I can do is take a deep breath and just exist for the sake of existing. It's like I have nothing to live for right now. Maybe I'm just depressed... who the hell knows.
No! Stop this BS! Everything you believe is both true and complete BS!
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Aight just gunna reply to everyone: Liberal arts is about creating consumers. You'd have to be blind not to see that. Behind the fancy rhetoric they don't actually intend on changing anything. And more often than not they pander to an agenda. eg. Oh really, my taxes pay for hospitals, schools, and roads? Did you conveniently forget that war, prisons and police take up much more resources than any of the first ones mentioned. They are conveniently lazy enough to copy slides from the textbook rather than use their brain. Though your right that being a student myself I'm also part of the game.
Thread really doesn't have a point. I made a bunch like this on zoklet when I was feeling shitty and never really came to a good conclusion. I think my true dilemma is whether I should get a corporate job, freelance, or become a hippy/bum/monk. My problem is I am beta and complacent as fuck. I won't even pretend I'm not, it is hard for me to break out of a pattern or habit. And most of all I would rather keep to myself than network with people.
I guess another way of phrasing it is whether I should join the cluster fuck and help the world burn not participate and risk being ostracized, cold homeless, hungry. The further I go down either way the harder it will be to jump ship.
I just keep going cause I'm already in the circumstances I'm in. What really eats at me is uncertainty about the future, but I know that not only is the now more important, how I act now will dictate my future. And its shit to feel overwhelmed and like a failure in the now. I don't think my struggle is entirely unique even beyond a forum of misfits, I think most people fill it with endless consumption. So while it sucks to stop partaking in vices that is the realest experience there is. Maybe it is depression, but given everything I've said, I am grateful to be alive. I can't put my finger on why, I think lifes a bitch, but it can also be great. - the human condition lies somewhere inbetween. It isn't suffering, but it isn't bliss, its weird. The full range is whats amazing, all our feelings are relative to other feelings.
Just like what soso said, honestly I just take it a day at a time. I'm alive and thats all that matters, if I'm dead I won't care about the bullshit that I fucked up or that I accomplished.
About lance butters, no I'm murican. I found him cause he was sampled in a dubstep song.
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Humans are strange because they cause themselves stress for no reason whatsoever.
We tend to over think, alot of us do. For instance the zebra grazes, mates, and sleeps. When it is hunted by a lion it feels stress which elevates levels of adrenaline. it helps to avoid being lunch, and then as soon as it has escaped, it turns the stress off and continues on with it's life.
Humans can't turn their stress off so easily. We worry constantly about such trivial matters and it really hurts us in the end. I suggest meditating. Turn your psychoanalytical brain off for a while. You will live longer. Stress is related to heart disease among other fatal conditions.
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Go overseas. Problem solved.
And could you expand on the whole 'liberal arts is about creating consumers' thing? I don't necessarily disagree, but it isn't a statement that speaks for itself either.
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Aight just gunna reply to everyone: Liberal arts is about creating consumers.
Really? Here all along I thought it was capitalism. Well shit on me.
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I feel you Rusty. I've been feeling the same way for a while now. Sometimes I feel like all I can do is take a deep breath and just exist for the sake of existing. It's like I have nothing to live for right now. Maybe I'm just depressed... who the hell knows.
No! Stop this BS! Everything you believe is both true and complete BS!
WHat?!?! It's either one or the other
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ive found alcohol helps with depression
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ive found alcohol helps with depression
In actuality suicide has been proven to be more helpful
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Aight just gunna reply to everyone: Liberal arts is about creating consumers.
Really? Here all along I thought it was capitalism. Well shit on me.
I don't get what you mean. I'm just saying they drive people to consume, I'm not saying anything about the economic structure. I've recently been trying to dial down my consumption (because of a number of reasons stated previously) and it starts becoming painfully obvious how engrossed some people are. Like when someone talks about changing the world for the better with bottled water in their hand.
Whether trying to fill the gap with products, drugs, exercise, etc. it always seems to be a bottomless hole, there can never be enough. And thats why life is such a weird thing. One drink is great, two is better, at no certain point more isn't going to be better, thats when you have move onto something else.
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ive found alcohol helps with depression
In actuality suicide has been proven to be more helpful
If we are everything, then isn't there some universal condition. Why would this be different than our experiences now? You ever get the feeling that what we experience is just repeating over and over? Cause I do. For people trying to escape something I think suicide won't be beneficial. I can escape just with my own mind. It is very comforting to let go and relax, it takes monk like training to let that carry over into everyday life though.
I am relatively practiced in mediation, but haven't been doing it much lately and haven't made progress when I do meditate.
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ive found alcohol helps with depression
In actuality suicide has been proven to be more helpful
If we are everything, then isn't there some universal condition. Why would this be different than our experiences now? You ever get the feeling that what we experience is just repeating over and over? Cause I do. For people trying to escape something I think suicide won't be beneficial. I can escape just with my own mind. It is very comforting to let go and relax, it takes monk like training to let that carry over into everyday life though.
I am relatively practiced in mediation, but haven't been doing it much lately and haven't made progress when I do meditate.
Don't try to have an actual conversation with Infinityshock. His mind isn't capable of producing thoughts that are devoid of homosexual rape fantasies. It's the truth and it's sad.
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ive found alcohol helps with depression
In actuality suicide has been proven to be more helpful
If we are everything, then isn't there some universal condition. Why would this be different than our experiences now? You ever get the feeling that what we experience is just repeating over and over? Cause I do. For people trying to escape something I think suicide won't be beneficial. I can escape just with my own mind. It is very comforting to let go and relax, it takes monk like training to let that carry over into everyday life though.
I am relatively practiced in mediation, but haven't been doing it much lately and haven't made progress when I do meditate.
Things happening over and over are because of human nature. Considering it hasnt changed in about 6, 000 years I dont forsee any change any time new
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ive found alcohol helps with depression
In actuality suicide has been proven to be more helpful
If we are everything, then isn't there some universal condition. Why would this be different than our experiences now? You ever get the feeling that what we experience is just repeating over and over? Cause I do. For people trying to escape something I think suicide won't be beneficial. I can escape just with my own mind. It is very comforting to let go and relax, it takes monk like training to let that carry over into everyday life though.
I am relatively practiced in mediation, but haven't been doing it much lately and haven't made progress when I do meditate.
Don't try to have an actual conversation with Infinityshock. His mind isn't capable of producing thoughts that are devoid of homosexual rape fantasies. It's the truth and it's sad.
Bitch shuts it trap or it gets the hose again
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Stop derailing threads you nigger.
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you should do what i did.
get yourself legally hooked on amphetamines, benzodiazepines, & muscle relaxants -- simply with the power of lying.
then practice jacking off in public by doing it at night.
...awesome way of escaping reality, man.
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you should do what i did.
get yourself legally hooked on amphetamines, benzodiazepines, & muscle relaxants -- simply with the power of lying.
then practice jacking off in public by doing it at night.
...awesome way of escaping reality, man.
Reality sucks ass
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you should do what i did.
get yourself legally hooked on amphetamines, benzodiazepines, & muscle relaxants -- simply with the power of lying.
then practice jacking off in public by doing it at night.
...awesome way of escaping reality, man.
Honestly drugs or no drugs life is the same. That doesn't put a roof over my head.
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Aight just gunna reply to everyone: Liberal arts is about creating consumers.
Really? Here all along I thought it was capitalism. Well shit on me.
I don't get what you mean. I'm just saying they drive people to consume, I'm not saying anything about the economic structure. I've recently been trying to dial down my consumption (because of a number of reasons stated previously) and it starts becoming painfully obvious how engrossed some people are. Like when someone talks about changing the world for the better with bottled water in their hand.
Whether trying to fill the gap with products, drugs, exercise, etc. it always seems to be a bottomless hole, there can never be enough. And thats why life is such a weird thing. One drink is great, two is better, at no certain point more isn't going to be better, thats when you have move onto something else.
I'm not following you at all. How does a liberal arts education drive people to consume things like drugs, exercise and bottled water?
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Man, I feel you. Few years back I didnt see sense in anything since everything was fake and there appeared to be no holes through which to escape the system. I went to a shitty school, all bright eyed and shit and got my shit handed to me - surrounded by idiots everywhere. Same thing at work. I remember trying to drown myself in sleep deprivation and playing video games - I worked graveyard shift, came back home in the morning, played games until evening, slept an hour or two and went back to work as a zombie.
Finally something snapped and I booked a 3 month trip to eastern europe to stay with some friends. I was fortunate enough to have a place to live at with my family, so I could do this thing. It was basically 3 months of living life like there was nothing after those three months and by that I don't mean blowing money on stupid shit. I mean taking a step back from who I was and every time that I thought "no", I would say yes and do something completely new to me. When that ended, I went back to the sludge of everyday life, but I brought something back with me - the feeling that I could go into that world again. The world of shit I was was created by me and fuck me if I couldn't get myself out of there then. What also helped me was knowing that there were more fucked up people just like me with whom I could cooperate and be happy. I wasn't alone and I had a purpose now.
Now I'm able to work with people whom I at least respect and the job itself is part of what interests me so it doesn't feel like a boring job. Fuck, I can't remember when I was bored last time. Living simply (no more stuff than can fit in two large standard suitcases) also means I have free money and time to do things I like, like hike and play with cats.
I don't want to sound like an old fart telling stories of his youth but man, there's so much cool places to check out on this planet, so many cool people to meet and so much awesome shit to learn that I can't put it into words. I know it doesn't look that way from where you're standing now and I don't know how to convince you that it really is this way - I know I wouldn't be convinced back then, but:
You can make it be better.
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holy shit OP, you have no actual fucking problems and you still want to whine, go read "prozac nation" or watch "portlandia" or some other shit with hipsters sighing and smoking cigarettes
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Liquidice is water.
This is water.
http://www.intosanctuary.com/index.php?topic=1839.0
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holy shit OP, you have no actual fucking problems and you still want to whine, go read "prozac nation" or watch "portlandia" or some other shit with hipsters sighing and smoking cigarettes
Define an "actual problem"? I made it pretty clear I believe in a universal human condition. Ever wonder why its always rich people who kill themselves? Life is about far more than living in comfort and excess. And no portlandia is garbage and I don't think I'd gain from reading prozac nation.
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Man, I feel you. Few years back I didnt see sense in anything since everything was fake and there appeared to be no holes through which to escape the system. I went to a shitty school, all bright eyed and shit and got my shit handed to me - surrounded by idiots everywhere. Same thing at work. I remember trying to drown myself in sleep deprivation and playing video games - I worked graveyard shift, came back home in the morning, played games until evening, slept an hour or two and went back to work as a zombie.
Finally something snapped and I booked a 3 month trip to eastern europe to stay with some friends. I was fortunate enough to have a place to live at with my family, so I could do this thing. It was basically 3 months of living life like there was nothing after those three months and by that I don't mean blowing money on stupid shit. I mean taking a step back from who I was and every time that I thought "no", I would say yes and do something completely new to me. When that ended, I went back to the sludge of everyday life, but I brought something back with me - the feeling that I could go into that world again. The world of shit I was was created by me and fuck me if I couldn't get myself out of there then. What also helped me was knowing that there were more fucked up people just like me with whom I could cooperate and be happy. I wasn't alone and I had a purpose now.
Now I'm able to work with people whom I at least respect and the job itself is part of what interests me so it doesn't feel like a boring job. Fuck, I can't remember when I was bored last time. Living simply (no more stuff than can fit in two large standard suitcases) also means I have free money and time to do things I like, like hike and play with cats.
I don't want to sound like an old fart telling stories of his youth but man, there's so much cool places to check out on this planet, so many cool people to meet and so much awesome shit to learn that I can't put it into words. I know it doesn't look that way from where you're standing now and I don't know how to convince you that it really is this way - I know I wouldn't be convinced back then, but:
You can make it be better.
Right on. I understand and agree. I feel the tug, but the time isn't right. Things like living minimally I think I will try to totally embrace. I have so much shit and am way to attached to it. Making a bug out bag made me really consider what I want and what I don't care about.
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you should do what i did.
get yourself legally hooked on amphetamines, benzodiazepines, & muscle relaxants -- simply with the power of lying.
then practice jacking off in public by doing it at night.
...awesome way of escaping reality, man.
How do you even get your dick hard if you're on muscle relaxants?
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you should do what i did.
get yourself legally hooked on amphetamines, benzodiazepines, & muscle relaxants -- simply with the power of lying.
then practice jacking off in public by doing it at night.
...awesome way of escaping reality, man.
It's such bullshit that you can get all those addictive drugs scripted to you and I can't even get the one drug I want. These doctors are less doctors and more 'gatekeepers'.
I'm not talking shit or being an asshole or anything I'm just pointing out a glaring hypocrisy in our society.
I could be wrong, but aren't Benzos actually potentially pretty fucking destructive on the brain? As well as Amps?
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Heh I was getting some awesome shit too when I went to the doctors. I would rather just smoke weed now. You just don't know how to play 'the doctor game'.
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Heh I was getting some awesome shit too when I went to the doctors. I would rather just smoke weed now. You just don't know how to play 'the doctor game'.
Eh I'm pretty much blacklisted now. Aside from Benzo's and similar drugs I probably couldn't get shit even if I went to the ER screaming with a finger chopped off or some shit. They'd probably just shove a bunch of aspirin in the wound and tell me "Narcotics won't help sorry."
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I found one doctor, the most recent one I had who was prescribing me 300 methadone 10's a month, then he switched me to 180 dilaudid 4mgs and 180 norco's a day, by asking around at the methadone clinic. Took a long time to get someone to give up the name, but I finally got it. Sometimes you just have to find the right doctor. I do have a fucked up back apparently, but I don't notice it. When they look at my MRI's they get a look of pity on their face, but my back hardly ever hurts.
If you have a 'legitimate medical condition' there will be a doctor out there who will treat it, you just have to find the right one. I had to drive an hour and fifteen minutes away to go to my appointments too. Anything good in this life requires work, and it sure took a lot of work but it was worth it.
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Heh I was getting some awesome shit too when I went to the doctors. I would rather just smoke weed now. You just don't know how to play 'the doctor game'.
Eh I'm pretty much blacklisted now. Aside from Benzo's and similar drugs I probably couldn't get shit even if I went to the ER screaming with a finger chopped off or some shit. They'd probably just shove a bunch of aspirin in the wound and tell me "Narcotics won't help sorry."
Hahaha.. welcome to the club. *High Four*. :tup:
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I found one doctor, the most recent one I had who was prescribing me 300 methadone 10's a month, then he switched me to 180 dilaudid 4mgs and 180 norco's a day, by asking around at the methadone clinic. Took a long time to get someone to give up the name, but I finally got it. Sometimes you just have to find the right doctor. I do have a fucked up back apparently, but I don't notice it. When they look at my MRI's they get a look of pity on their face, but my back hardly ever hurts.
If you have a 'legitimate medical condition' there will be a doctor out there who will treat it, you just have to find the right one. I had to drive an hour and fifteen minutes away to go to my appointments too. Anything good in this life requires work, and it sure took a lot of work but it was worth it.
I wish we had a Methadone clinic/doctor or Suboxone Doctor where I live. For about a year I used to take an hour drive to a city over get a script of Subs. It was expensive and a pain in the ass but it was well worth it. However, due to a series of unfortunate events beyond my control I missed an appointment at the last minute (would have been 2 or even 3 hours late, which she would not tolerate.) Because of that, I owe her about $500, not counting another $250 for a new appointment/drug test. At that point I pretty much said fuck it, got an emergency script from the one doctor in town who prescribed methadone at all, and he told me "This is it, you're not getting anymore Methadone here round these parts"
(Literally it sounded like I was momentarily in a fucking old western movie instead of a hospital.) It was also like a baby script of Methadone. 5mg Methadone compared to 16mg Sub basically. It didn't help much, I had to use up the supply way early to get any relief.
As far as paying back the Sub doctor, that's an option but she could easily not prescribe me subs anymore and then what? I'm out like $900 so some rich cunt can have slightly more money added to her overall wealth.
I've just been trying to find a Sub doctor within 2 hours from here (I don't have a reliable car) and I'm having no luck. The docs who still scribe Subs (which was only one) isn't taking new patients and all the other doctors who where listed on the databases inexplicably no longer are in the Suboxone business.
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Yes, I am not sure exactly what changed recently, but my doctor mumbled something about 'obamacare' as he reduced my methadone to 8 a day and then switched me to dilaudid on the next visit. I didn't like dilaudid, it made me turn into a different person, a sort of scary person, so I quit opioids altogether. I would only go back if I knew I could get methadone again, it is my drug of choice as far as opioids go.
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Janitor Jesus, did you try Kratom?
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Yes, I am not sure exactly what changed recently, but my doctor mumbled something about 'obamacare' as he reduced my methadone to 8 a day and then switched me to dilaudid on the next visit. I didn't like dilaudid, it made me turn into a different person, a sort of scary person, so I quit opioids altogether. I would only go back if I knew I could get methadone again, it is my drug of choice as far as opioids go.
I think I read on a different forum that it's now illegal for doctors to prescribe Methadone for Opiate addiction, it has to be in a Methadone clinic setting. Maybe that along with other restrictions makes it borderline impossible to prescribe Methadone for anything useful. Fuck Obamacare. Shit is stupid.
I was on Diladed for a long time. They aren't that great and the withdrawals are absolute fucking hell.
Personally, all I want is to live out the rest of my life on Suboxone. I've been extremely depressed my entire life and opiates are the only things that have ever helped me feel normal. It's unfortunate but it seems like Medical care (depending on location) is more about personal opinion/biases instead of medical fact and patient centered.
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Janitor Jesus, did you try Kratom?
Yeah, and I fuckin loved it. Kratom helped me a lot when my ope sources dried up. In fact, I went from waking up sweating and shivering and feeling like I was going to have a heart attack to waking up feeling normal after a couple weeks of daily Kratom use (the Bali kind).
Unfortunately, I got it locally and the feds have since made it impossible for the place I bought it from to get it anymore.
I had actually planned on using Kratom to totally kick the opiate habit. But I don't even know where to begin looking online for decent Bali Kratom like I got locally from the store who ordered it (some borderline headshop place.)
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I think I read on a different forum that it's now illegal for doctors to prescribe Methadone for Opiate addiction
It was for my back, not addiction. I did go to the methadone clinic, but that is after I told every doctor in town that they were assholes for not treating my pain, and I also made it well known at the clinic that I was there to treat my pain and nothing else. Technically they were supposed to kick me out for that, but they never did. Some of the more cool 'counselors' there would encourage pain patients to lie to get methadone. I got the doctors name that I mentioned from an old lady, and there were people who went to the clinic who had cerebral palsy and shit.
This is what we have to do in this day and age, where doctors are afraid to prescribe because they are pussies. The doctor I eventually found would straight up tell the dea agents who harassed him 'fuck you guys, my lawyer will ruin your life'. Another doctor here went to prison for making cash deals with people who failed drug tests and should have had their 'pain contracts' canceled. The whole thing is a clusterfuck, and is nothing more than another 'game' in life to play.
edit - I forgot to mention that the clinic was a forty minute drive from my house.
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This is what we have to do in this day and age, where doctors are afraid to prescribe because they are pussies. The doctor I eventually found would straight up tell the dea agents who harassed him 'fuck you guys, my lawyer will ruin your life'. Another doctor here went to prison for making cash deals with people who failed drug tests and should have had their 'pain contracts' canceled. The whole thing is a clusterfuck, and is nothing more than another 'game' in life to play.
edit - I forgot to mention that the clinic was a forty minute drive from my house.
I hear that man. I tried convincing my psych to prescribe me Suboxone off-lable for depression (which would have been a legit purpose anyway) and he refused to do so, saying it was illegal and shit (which it's not). I even asked him if he could do some research on it, and he flat-out refused.
I think the only chance of me getting back on Sub or Methadone is either moving (so I can be reasonably close to a methadone clinic, right now I'm at least 2 or 3 hours away from anything) or paying my old Sub doc what I owe her and pray and hope that she actually agrees to see me as a patient again.
BTW, I didn't rip her off or anything, the only reason I owe her money is because I missed an appointment and she charged me $250 for it. If I hadn't missed the appointment I would have been caught up on the bills.
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I missed an appointment and she charged me $250 for it
Daaaamn! I used to bitch when the clinic would charge me 12$ when I would miss a day. (I only ever missed days to stall drug tests heh)
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I missed an appointment and she charged me $250 for it
Daaaamn! I used to bitch when the clinic would charge me 12$ when I would miss a day. (I only ever missed days to stall drug tests heh)
Yeah tell me about it dude. Full price for a missed appointment. I wish so bad we had a Methadone clinic around here.
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Janitor Jesus, did you try Kratom?
Yeah, and I fuckin loved it. Kratom helped me a lot when my ope sources dried up. In fact, I went from waking up sweating and shivering and feeling like I was going to have a heart attack to waking up feeling normal after a couple weeks of daily Kratom use (the Bali kind).
Unfortunately, I got it locally and the feds have since made it impossible for the place I bought it from to get it anymore.
I had actually planned on using Kratom to totally kick the opiate habit. But I don't even know where to begin looking online for decent Bali Kratom like I got locally from the store who ordered it (some borderline headshop place.)
Maybe the user stentor can help you out there. I'd shoot him a PM.
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Yeah tell me about it dude. Full price for a missed appointment. I wish so bad we had a Methadone clinic around here.
Why isn't there one? Those places make fucking millions. Our state regulated them so there was only certain counties that had them.
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I remember the scandal at the methadone clinic, where people were getting into the dumpsters after hours, getting the trash bags out, and cutting the corners off the bottom of the bags to drain out the methadone that would collect in the bottom. When they throw away the little serving cups, some people leave a bit of methadone in there, and over time it apparently can be a substantial amount. They put secure locks on the dumpsters after that.
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It is a shame that doctors are being persecuted for trying to help their patients now. Opiate/opioid prescriptions kind of were getting out of hand and resulting in this larger problem of middle class drug addiction, but this overexcited legal response was not the way to handle it. As always, I feel education is the best measure. Teach people about various medications and their risks; don't assume people can't be trusted to make their own informed decisions with the help of licensed professionals.
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Teach people about various medications and their risks; don't assume people can't be trusted to make their own informed decisions with the help of licensed professionals.
This is what ruins being an American, at least for me. I feel almost guilty, because we have all of these amenities, electricity, clean water, ect, stuff that can be taken for granted. I want to be thankful for that, and I am, but at the same time, I'm not. Everyday I pretty much go to bed hoping I don't wake up, and why is that? Because I'm a junkie. I'm not ashamed to say it either, everyone has their own problems. If the way we practiced medicine was slightly different, I wouldn't be a junkie, I'd be an outpatient who works and generally contributes to society.
But because either A; I can't be trusted to make my own medical decisions and must seek approval from a doctor even if all I need or want is a prescription or B; I'm geographically limited in what opiate addiction services I have available. Because unless someone else (who may or may not even be quite as informed in the nuances of certain medications as myself) makes the decision I've already made, I'm just SOL.
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Teach people about various medications and their risks; don't assume people can't be trusted to make their own informed decisions with the help of licensed professionals.
This is what ruins being an American, at least for me. I feel almost guilty, because we have all of these amenities, electricity, clean water, ect, stuff that can be taken for granted. I want to be thankful for that, and I am, but at the same time, I'm not. Everyday I pretty much go to bed hoping I don't wake up, and why is that? Because I'm a junkie. I'm not ashamed to say it either, everyone has their own problems. If the way we practiced medicine was slightly different, I wouldn't be a junkie, I'd be an outpatient who works and generally contributes to society.
But because either A; I can't be trusted to make my own medical decisions and must seek approval from a doctor even if all I need or want is a prescription or B; I'm geographically limited in what opiate addiction services I have available. Because unless someone else (who may or may not even be quite as informed in the nuances of certain medications as myself) makes the decision I've already made, I'm just SOL.
You're not SOL; there are always options. Suboxone script? You could just get clean. It's rough but come on. If a drug has that much control of your life it may be time to quit.
Don't blame the system for your not wanting to be productive haha.
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Yeah I feel you for sure man. We live in a fucked up society surrounded by an unsatiable hunger for money, and the pursuit of "happiness". If happiness is just being content with your surroundings, then FUCK. Darkness of greed...
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You're not SOL; there are always options. Suboxone script? You could just get clean. It's rough but come on. If a drug has that much control of your life it may be time to quit.
Don't blame the system for your not wanting to be productive haha.
As far as productivity in general goes, most people can't really be productive (or at least sustain an appropriate level) while in opiate withdrawal, or while in/out of opiate withdrawal on a daily basis. This is why Methadone/Suboxone treatment is beneficial.
I guess if we just followed your leadership and told all opiate addicts in America to 'get clean' we wouldn't have this problem. After reading the post I initially replied to, I kinda took you for a different kind of person, that was my mistake.
As far as me personally 'blaming the system' (whatever that even means) in regards to any recent lack of productivity on my part, I've been a productive member of society since I was 15, and the reason for my absence at work has nothing to do with 'not wanting to be productive'.
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As far as productivity in general goes, most people can't really be productive (or at least sustain an appropriate level) while in opiate withdrawal, or while in/out of opiate withdrawal on a daily basis. This is why Methadone/Suboxone treatment is beneficial.
I guess if we just followed your leadership and told all opiate addicts in America to 'get clean' we wouldn't have this problem. After reading the post I initially replied to, I kinda took you for a different kind of person, that was my mistake.
As far as me personally 'blaming the system' (whatever that even means) in regards to any recent lack of productivity on my part, I've been a productive member of society since I was 15, and the reason for my absence at work has nothing to do with 'not wanting to be productive'.
Sorry if I seemed rude, or ignorant. You'll probably roll your eyes at this, but I've been where you are. Spent my early 20s as a junkie.
I know withdrawal hurts. And it sucks being sick. No one wants to go through that. It's a bad place to be, and addiction isn't a problem with an easy answer. I definitely think that doctors should be allowed to prescribe methadone and other medications as they see fit, and that people in your position could be helped by such measures. But your reality right now seems to be one lacking the medical options you would prefer to use.
That sucks, but it doesn't mean you're SOL. You don't have to anything about your present situation, as you well know. I wouldn't think less of a person for deciding to be hopeless, as I've been there over and over myself. But your situation isn't hopeless. Your American citizenship and first world privileges don't have to be wasted. It's your life, and no one else's.
Complain all you want about the crappy system and how unfair it is. We're in agreement there. But if you're saying on a public message board that you're hopeless because of x and y outside forces, I'm going to disagree.
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My bad, took what you said the wrong way.
Also sorry if I took a part in hijacking this thread a little bit, hopefully the OP can respond with his own thoughts on whatever subject..
Anyway, you are right equanimity. My main complaint is that, living in America, I, and no one else for that matter, should have certain (in this case opiate addiction) medical issues decided upon based on rather or not a doctor or doctors 'agree' with a certain method. For example, I had to deal with a doctor who told me he wouldn't help me "Replace one addiction with another."
If you've done any type of research or thought about the subject at hand very much at all, you'd realize what absolute bullshit that statement is. And BTW, this was the local 'addiction specialist'. I especially agreed with your point that we as citizens and people should be able to make our own informed decisions based on what we know. It's so frustrating not being able to just go to a doctor and tell them what you want, or need. They either feel entitled to control or fear losing their licenses. It's such a crock of shit. I feel like society hasn't adapted to the fact we live in an 'information age'. Literally anyone (of proper mental capacity) can learn anything. Certain knowledge that used to be valued is now public and available to literally almost anyone, at least here in America.
I pay taxes, I work, I do my fucking duties as a citizen even though I don't necessarily want to; I should be able to live my private life as I see fit, even if that's as an opiate addict. The way I see it, each and every fucking one of us has a crutch. As long as you don't use your crutch to beat on people, it shouldn't be taken away from you. Alienating certain people and using scapegoats only serves to create crime and violence, which is probably what they really want anyway, but I digress.
Anyway, I don't want to hijack OP's thread anymore and I hope OP is hangin in and doin alright.
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Yeah tell me about it dude. Full price for a missed appointment. I wish so bad we had a Methadone clinic around here.
Why isn't there one? Those places make fucking millions. Our state regulated them so there was only certain counties that had them.
Yeah, where I live there are 4 methadone clinics within a mile radius within each other. It took me about 15 minutes to get there (by car with limited traffic). And I live in a pretty nice area, but I do live in the Baltimore/Washington metropolitan area.