fed up with life

[Soso0]

you should do what i did.

get yourself legally hooked on amphetamines, benzodiazepines, & muscle relaxants -- simply with the power of lying.

then practice jacking off in public by doing it at night.

...awesome way of escaping reality, man.

Reality sucks ass

[RustyShackleford]

you should do what i did.

get yourself legally hooked on amphetamines, benzodiazepines, & muscle relaxants -- simply with the power of lying.

then practice jacking off in public by doing it at night.

...awesome way of escaping reality, man.

Honestly drugs or no drugs life is the same. That doesn't put a roof over my head.

[FON]

Aight just gunna reply to everyone: Liberal arts is about creating consumers.

Really? Here all along I thought it was capitalism. Well shit on me.

I don't get what you mean. I'm just saying they drive people to consume, I'm not saying anything about the economic structure. I've recently been trying to dial down my consumption (because of a number of reasons stated previously) and it starts becoming painfully obvious how engrossed some people are. Like when someone talks about changing the world for the better with bottled water in their hand.

Whether trying to fill the gap with products, drugs, exercise, etc. it always seems to be a bottomless hole, there can never be enough. And thats why life is such a weird thing. One drink is great, two is better, at no certain point more isn't going to be better, thats when you have move onto something else.

I'm not following you at all. How does a liberal arts education drive people to consume things like drugs, exercise and bottled water?

[LiquidIce]

Man, I feel you. Few years back I didnt see sense in anything since everything was fake and there appeared to be no holes through which to escape the system. I went to a shitty school, all bright eyed and shit and got my shit handed to me - surrounded by idiots everywhere. Same thing at work. I remember trying to drown myself in sleep deprivation and playing video games - I worked graveyard shift, came back home in the morning, played games until evening, slept an hour or two and went back to work as a zombie.

Finally something snapped and I booked a 3 month trip to eastern europe to stay with some friends. I was fortunate enough to have a place to live at with my family, so I could do this thing. It was basically 3 months of living life like there was nothing after those three months and by that I don't mean blowing money on stupid shit. I mean taking a step back from who I was and every time that I thought "no", I would say yes and do something completely new to me. When that ended, I went back to the sludge of everyday life, but I brought something back with me - the feeling that I could go into that world again. The world of shit I was was created by me and fuck me if I couldn't get myself out of there then. What also helped me was knowing that there were more fucked up people just like me with whom I could cooperate and be happy. I wasn't alone and I had a purpose now.

Now I'm able to work with people whom I at least respect and the job itself is part of what interests me so it doesn't feel like a boring job. Fuck, I can't remember when I was bored last time. Living simply (no more stuff than can fit in two large standard suitcases) also means I have free money and time to do things I like, like hike and play with cats.

I don't want to sound like an old fart telling stories of his youth but man, there's so much cool places to check out on this planet, so many cool people to meet and so much awesome shit to learn that I can't put it into words. I know it doesn't look that way from where you're standing now and I don't know how to convince you that it really is this way - I know I wouldn't be convinced back then, but:

You can make it be better.

[victimthrax]

holy shit OP, you have no actual fucking problems and you still want to whine, go read "prozac nation" or watch "portlandia" or some other shit with hipsters sighing and smoking cigarettes

[RisiR]

Liquidice is water.

This is water.

http://www.intosanctuary.com/index.php?topic=1839.0

[RustyShackleford]

holy shit OP, you have no actual fucking problems and you still want to whine, go read "prozac nation" or watch "portlandia" or some other shit with hipsters sighing and smoking cigarettes

Define an "actual problem"? I made it pretty clear I believe in a universal human condition. Ever wonder why its always rich people who kill themselves? Life is about far more than living in comfort and excess. And no portlandia is garbage and I don't think I'd gain from reading prozac nation.

[RustyShackleford]

Man, I feel you. Few years back I didnt see sense in anything since everything was fake and there appeared to be no holes through which to escape the system. I went to a shitty school, all bright eyed and shit and got my shit handed to me - surrounded by idiots everywhere. Same thing at work. I remember trying to drown myself in sleep deprivation and playing video games - I worked graveyard shift, came back home in the morning, played games until evening, slept an hour or two and went back to work as a zombie.

Finally something snapped and I booked a 3 month trip to eastern europe to stay with some friends. I was fortunate enough to have a place to live at with my family, so I could do this thing. It was basically 3 months of living life like there was nothing after those three months and by that I don't mean blowing money on stupid shit. I mean taking a step back from who I was and every time that I thought "no", I would say yes and do something completely new to me. When that ended, I went back to the sludge of everyday life, but I brought something back with me - the feeling that I could go into that world again. The world of shit I was was created by me and fuck me if I couldn't get myself out of there then. What also helped me was knowing that there were more fucked up people just like me with whom I could cooperate and be happy. I wasn't alone and I had a purpose now.

Now I'm able to work with people whom I at least respect and the job itself is part of what interests me so it doesn't feel like a boring job. Fuck, I can't remember when I was bored last time. Living simply (no more stuff than can fit in two large standard suitcases) also means I have free money and time to do things I like, like hike and play with cats.

I don't want to sound like an old fart telling stories of his youth but man, there's so much cool places to check out on this planet, so many cool people to meet and so much awesome shit to learn that I can't put it into words. I know it doesn't look that way from where you're standing now and I don't know how to convince you that it really is this way - I know I wouldn't be convinced back then, but:

You can make it be better.

Right on. I understand and agree. I feel the tug, but the time isn't right. Things like living minimally I think I will try to totally embrace. I have so much shit and am way to attached to it. Making a bug out bag made me really consider what I want and what I don't care about.

[Ninja]

you should do what i did.

get yourself legally hooked on amphetamines, benzodiazepines, & muscle relaxants -- simply with the power of lying.

then practice jacking off in public by doing it at night.

...awesome way of escaping reality, man.

How do you even get your dick hard if you're on muscle relaxants?

[JanitorJesus]

you should do what i did.

get yourself legally hooked on amphetamines, benzodiazepines, & muscle relaxants -- simply with the power of lying.

then practice jacking off in public by doing it at night.

...awesome way of escaping reality, man.

It's such bullshit that you can get all those addictive drugs scripted to you and I can't even get the one drug I want. These doctors are less doctors and more 'gatekeepers'.

I'm not talking shit or being an asshole or anything I'm just pointing out a glaring hypocrisy in our society.

I could be wrong, but aren't Benzos actually potentially pretty fucking destructive on the brain? As well as Amps?

[millionsofdeadcats]

Heh I was getting some awesome shit too when I went to the doctors.  I would rather just smoke weed now.  You just don't know how to play 'the doctor game'. 

[JanitorJesus]

Heh I was getting some awesome shit too when I went to the doctors.  I would rather just smoke weed now.  You just don't know how to play 'the doctor game'.

Eh I'm pretty much blacklisted now. Aside from Benzo's and similar drugs I probably couldn't get shit even if I went to the ER screaming with a finger chopped off or some shit. They'd probably just shove a bunch of aspirin in the wound and tell me "Narcotics won't help sorry."

[millionsofdeadcats]

I found one doctor, the most recent one I had who was prescribing me 300 methadone 10's a month, then he switched me to 180 dilaudid 4mgs and 180 norco's a day, by asking around at the methadone clinic.  Took a long time to get someone to give up the name, but I finally got it.  Sometimes you just have to find the right doctor.  I do have a fucked up back apparently, but I don't notice it.  When they look at my MRI's they get a look of pity on their face, but my back hardly ever hurts. 

If you have a 'legitimate medical condition' there will be a doctor out there who will treat it, you just have to find the right one.  I had to drive an hour and fifteen minutes away to go to my appointments too.  Anything good in this life requires work, and it sure took a lot of work but it was worth it.

[RisiR]

Heh I was getting some awesome shit too when I went to the doctors.  I would rather just smoke weed now.  You just don't know how to play 'the doctor game'.

Eh I'm pretty much blacklisted now. Aside from Benzo's and similar drugs I probably couldn't get shit even if I went to the ER screaming with a finger chopped off or some shit. They'd probably just shove a bunch of aspirin in the wound and tell me "Narcotics won't help sorry."

Hahaha.. welcome to the club. *High Four*. 

[JanitorJesus]

I found one doctor, the most recent one I had who was prescribing me 300 methadone 10's a month, then he switched me to 180 dilaudid 4mgs and 180 norco's a day, by asking around at the methadone clinic.  Took a long time to get someone to give up the name, but I finally got it.  Sometimes you just have to find the right doctor.  I do have a fucked up back apparently, but I don't notice it.  When they look at my MRI's they get a look of pity on their face, but my back hardly ever hurts. 

If you have a 'legitimate medical condition' there will be a doctor out there who will treat it, you just have to find the right one.  I had to drive an hour and fifteen minutes away to go to my appointments too.  Anything good in this life requires work, and it sure took a lot of work but it was worth it.

I wish we had a Methadone clinic/doctor or Suboxone Doctor where I live. For about a year I used to take an hour drive to a city over get a script of Subs. It was expensive and a pain in the ass but it was well worth it. However, due to a series of unfortunate events beyond my control I missed an appointment at the last minute (would have been 2 or even 3 hours late, which she would not tolerate.) Because of that, I owe her about $500, not counting another $250 for a new appointment/drug test. At that point I pretty much said fuck it, got an emergency script from the one doctor in town who prescribed methadone at all, and he told me "This is it, you're not getting anymore Methadone here round these parts"
(Literally it sounded like I was momentarily in a fucking old western movie instead of a hospital.) It was also like a baby script of Methadone. 5mg Methadone compared to 16mg Sub basically. It didn't help much, I had to use up the supply way early to get any relief.

As far as paying back the Sub doctor, that's an option but she could easily not prescribe me subs anymore and then what? I'm out like $900 so some rich cunt can have slightly more money added to her overall wealth.

I've just been trying to find a Sub doctor within 2 hours from here (I don't have a reliable car) and I'm having no luck. The docs who still scribe Subs (which was only one) isn't taking new patients and all the other doctors who where listed on the databases inexplicably no longer are in the Suboxone business.