fed up with life

[millionsofdeadcats]

Yes, I am not sure exactly what changed recently, but my doctor mumbled something about 'obamacare' as he reduced my methadone to 8 a day and then switched me to dilaudid on the next visit.  I didn't like dilaudid, it made me turn into a different person, a sort of scary person, so I quit opioids altogether.  I would only go back if I knew I could get methadone again, it is my drug of choice as far as opioids go. 

[RisiR]

Janitor Jesus, did you try Kratom?

[JanitorJesus]

Yes, I am not sure exactly what changed recently, but my doctor mumbled something about 'obamacare' as he reduced my methadone to 8 a day and then switched me to dilaudid on the next visit.  I didn't like dilaudid, it made me turn into a different person, a sort of scary person, so I quit opioids altogether.  I would only go back if I knew I could get methadone again, it is my drug of choice as far as opioids go.

I think I read on a different forum that it's now illegal for doctors to prescribe Methadone for Opiate addiction, it has to be in a Methadone clinic setting. Maybe that along with other restrictions makes it borderline impossible to prescribe Methadone for anything useful. Fuck Obamacare. Shit is stupid.

I was on Diladed for a long time. They aren't that great and the withdrawals are absolute fucking hell.

Personally, all I want is to live out the rest of my life on Suboxone. I've been extremely depressed my entire life and opiates are the only things that have ever helped me feel normal. It's unfortunate but it seems like Medical care (depending on location) is more about personal opinion/biases instead of medical fact and patient centered.

[JanitorJesus]

Janitor Jesus, did you try Kratom?

Yeah, and I fuckin loved it. Kratom helped me a lot when my ope sources dried up. In fact, I went from waking up sweating and shivering and feeling like I was going to have a heart attack to waking up feeling normal after a couple weeks of daily Kratom use (the Bali kind).

Unfortunately, I got it locally and the feds have since made it impossible for the place I bought it from to get it anymore.

I had actually planned on using Kratom to totally kick the opiate habit. But I don't even know where to begin looking online for decent Bali Kratom like I got locally from the store who ordered it (some borderline headshop place.)

[millionsofdeadcats]

I think I read on a different forum that it's now illegal for doctors to prescribe Methadone for Opiate addiction

It was for my back, not addiction.  I did go to the methadone clinic, but that is after I told every doctor in town that they were assholes for not treating my pain, and I also made it well known at the clinic that I was there to treat my pain and nothing else.  Technically they were supposed to kick me out for that, but they never did.  Some of the more cool 'counselors' there would encourage pain patients to lie to get methadone.  I got the doctors name that I mentioned from an old lady, and there were people who went to the clinic who had cerebral palsy and shit.

This is what we have to do in this day and age, where doctors are afraid to prescribe because they are pussies.  The doctor I eventually found would straight up tell the dea agents who harassed him 'fuck you guys, my lawyer will ruin your life'.  Another doctor here went to prison for making cash deals with people who failed drug tests and should have had their 'pain contracts' canceled.  The whole thing is a clusterfuck, and is nothing more than another 'game' in life to play.

edit - I forgot to mention that the clinic was a forty minute drive from my house.

[JanitorJesus]

This is what we have to do in this day and age, where doctors are afraid to prescribe because they are pussies.  The doctor I eventually found would straight up tell the dea agents who harassed him 'fuck you guys, my lawyer will ruin your life'.  Another doctor here went to prison for making cash deals with people who failed drug tests and should have had their 'pain contracts' canceled.  The whole thing is a clusterfuck, and is nothing more than another 'game' in life to play.

edit - I forgot to mention that the clinic was a forty minute drive from my house.

I hear that man. I tried convincing my psych to prescribe me Suboxone off-lable for depression (which would have been a legit purpose anyway) and he refused to do so, saying it was illegal and shit (which it's not). I even asked him if he could do some research on it, and he flat-out refused.

I think the only chance of me getting back on Sub or Methadone is either moving (so I can be reasonably close to a methadone clinic, right now I'm at least 2 or 3 hours away from anything) or paying my old Sub doc what I owe her and pray and hope that she actually agrees to see me as a patient again.

BTW, I didn't rip her off or anything, the only reason I owe her money is because I missed an appointment and she charged me $250 for it. If I hadn't missed the appointment I would have been caught up on the bills.

[millionsofdeadcats]

I missed an appointment and she charged me $250 for it

Daaaamn!  I used to bitch when the clinic would charge me 12$ when I would miss a day.  (I only ever missed days to stall drug tests heh)

[JanitorJesus]

I missed an appointment and she charged me $250 for it

Daaaamn!  I used to bitch when the clinic would charge me 12$ when I would miss a day.  (I only ever missed days to stall drug tests heh)

Yeah tell me about it dude. Full price for a missed appointment. I wish so bad we had a Methadone clinic around here.

[RisiR]

Janitor Jesus, did you try Kratom?

Yeah, and I fuckin loved it. Kratom helped me a lot when my ope sources dried up. In fact, I went from waking up sweating and shivering and feeling like I was going to have a heart attack to waking up feeling normal after a couple weeks of daily Kratom use (the Bali kind).

Unfortunately, I got it locally and the feds have since made it impossible for the place I bought it from to get it anymore.

I had actually planned on using Kratom to totally kick the opiate habit. But I don't even know where to begin looking online for decent Bali Kratom like I got locally from the store who ordered it (some borderline headshop place.)

Maybe the user stentor can help you out there. I'd shoot him a PM.

[millionsofdeadcats]

Yeah tell me about it dude. Full price for a missed appointment. I wish so bad we had a Methadone clinic around here.

Why isn't there one?  Those places make fucking millions.  Our state regulated them so there was only certain counties that had them.

[millionsofdeadcats]

I remember the scandal at the methadone clinic, where people were getting into the dumpsters after hours, getting the trash bags out, and cutting the corners off the bottom of the bags to drain out the methadone that would collect in the bottom.  When they throw away the little serving cups, some people leave a bit of methadone in there, and over time it apparently can be a substantial amount.  They put secure locks on the dumpsters after that. 

[equanimity]

It is a shame that doctors are being persecuted for trying to help their patients now.  Opiate/opioid prescriptions kind of were getting out of hand and resulting in this larger problem of middle class drug addiction, but this overexcited legal response was not the way to handle it.  As always, I feel education is the best measure.  Teach people about various medications and their risks; don't assume people can't be trusted to make their own informed decisions with the help of licensed professionals.

[JanitorJesus]

Teach people about various medications and their risks; don't assume people can't be trusted to make their own informed decisions with the help of licensed professionals.

This is what ruins being an American, at least for me.  I feel almost guilty, because we have all of these amenities, electricity, clean water, ect, stuff that can be taken for granted. I want to be thankful for that, and I am, but at the same time, I'm not. Everyday I pretty much go to bed hoping I don't wake up, and why is that? Because I'm a junkie. I'm not ashamed to say it either, everyone has their own problems. If the way we practiced medicine was slightly different, I wouldn't be a junkie, I'd be an outpatient who works and generally contributes to society.

But because either A; I can't be trusted to make my own medical decisions and must seek approval from a doctor even if all I need or want is a prescription or B; I'm geographically limited in what opiate addiction services I have available. Because unless someone else (who may or may not even be quite as informed in the nuances of certain medications as myself) makes the decision I've already made, I'm just SOL.

[equanimity]

Teach people about various medications and their risks; don't assume people can't be trusted to make their own informed decisions with the help of licensed professionals.

This is what ruins being an American, at least for me.  I feel almost guilty, because we have all of these amenities, electricity, clean water, ect, stuff that can be taken for granted. I want to be thankful for that, and I am, but at the same time, I'm not. Everyday I pretty much go to bed hoping I don't wake up, and why is that? Because I'm a junkie. I'm not ashamed to say it either, everyone has their own problems. If the way we practiced medicine was slightly different, I wouldn't be a junkie, I'd be an outpatient who works and generally contributes to society.

But because either A; I can't be trusted to make my own medical decisions and must seek approval from a doctor even if all I need or want is a prescription or B; I'm geographically limited in what opiate addiction services I have available. Because unless someone else (who may or may not even be quite as informed in the nuances of certain medications as myself) makes the decision I've already made, I'm just SOL.

You're not SOL; there are always options.  Suboxone script?  You could just get clean.  It's rough but come on.  If a drug has that much control of your life it may be time to quit.

Don't blame the system for your not wanting to be productive haha.

[Endmediocrity]

Yeah I feel you for sure man. We live in a fucked up society surrounded by an unsatiable hunger for money, and the pursuit of "happiness". If happiness is just being content with your surroundings, then FUCK. Darkness of greed...