I am not refering to depression with my world crumbling... it literally did. Nothing ever went right.. everything failed after that.
Maybe I just dont want to be alone when I am old (if I unfortunetly make it that far). Where would my grandmother be right now if she hadnt had and kept her son? She had him in the 60's out of wedlock in the deepsouth and was pretty much considered a whore by the tiny town she lived in. For all theor dumbshit he worships the ground she walks on and waits on her beck and call.. he lives to make her life happy.
Fear of having no one sounds more appropriate than anything else....
1.) If you weren't depressed then why do you blame your world crumbling on having an abortion? How exactly did it cause your world to crumble? If your life made a turn for the worst after that have you considered that it was completely coincidental? Or it could have been due to underlying psychological issues that you weren't aware of. Unless you're religious, which I don't think you are, and think you were being punished by "god" or "karma", which would be absolutely ludicrous.
2.) That is a terrible selfish reason to have a child. Being afraid of being alone when you're older? You cannot look at the way your grandmother's relationship with her son turned out and assume it's going to be the same for you. The vast majority of children don't turn out that way, they move, they go to college, get jobs in areas they view as more promising or better suited to their lifestyles and beliefs, and begin families of their own.
Do you expect the child you have to spend their entire life with you, in the same place as the rest of your family, or to come back and do so when you're older after being away for whatever period of time you deem acceptable? That is incredibly selfish and it's horrible to expect someone to be born to center their lives around you, to live to make you happy.
And I've detailed that you are not in a position where you should be having a child. You aren't capable of even properly supporting yourselves, you are not in a position in life, educated with a stable well paying caring, one that pays enough to give a child a good upbringing, you are not living on your own, you're in a garage on your family's property, you've given us numerous complaints in the past of the flaws of those you live with, how they bring you down and cause problems in your life, and you intend to bring a child into that environment? You have not personally developed to the point where you should see yourself as being able to support and raise another human being, you have so many unresolved physical and psychological issues, issues with drug dependency and monetary habits, still in need of great personal development, just look at how you're reacting to your silly issues with
Gollum, a goddamn boy in his early 20's you met via a message board who hitchhiked and spent a week at your place, and by god *slams fist on table* a child will only make this far more difficult!
Dear god woman, do you not see what you are doing?!
