Grateful..? What else? Probably some disbelief and shock if it was just random and unexpected, of course mixed with glee (I'd probably drop my jaw to the floor and literally jump up and down for a second or two, depending on what it was, while admittedly laughing and/or squealing in delight). I mean, it's a crazily happy enough feeling when you order durgz and they finally show up... you talking just randomly, unexpected? Fuck, grateful of course; gotta reiterate that. Maybe a bit suspicious if it was totally unexpected, though; nigga could be sending some ricin or some shit.
Wow, I wish my emotions hadn't died. I could identify with Allie Brosh in the writings on depression and identity. At one point, like her, I did see emotions as something that should be overcome, as boundaries to logic being able to see things as they really are, without bias, being able to achieve perfect rationality; starting around middle school. Unfortunately I was ignorant of the implications stemming from biological limitations, the limitations of material reality, and eons of evolution. If you're going up against millions of years of evolution, you're probably going to lose.
I remember that even as a young child my parents had rented out a room to a family, along with use of necessities, and I was sitting with them watching the Simpsons and thought about how much more they laughed by comparison, while I generally just didn't find things funny enough to warrant laughter, they often seemed too simple, although still internally amusing. I wondered if it was just social conditioning or behavior, or an endogenous natural reaction.
Know I know the cold hard biological reality.
I think nicotine has a good chance of being very beneficial to me, as long as something in my genome doesn't interfere with that.
