There's a reason you're suicidal. Just look at yourself. Seriously, look at yourself and the choices you've made concerning yourself, your life and your loved ones. It would be enough to drive anyone to frequent thoughts of offing themselves. What you can do is take small, little steps in a more positive direction. No big leaps, just little things, day by day. Eventually, you will improve the way that not only others see you - but more importantly - you see yourself.
Or, you can kill yourself. That'd be good, too.