noises noises people make noises when they're sick

[splooge gook]

skwee skwee

[devnull]

Signal to noise ratio is low with this shitposting moron.

[splooge gook]

Patrick Bateman is my Methadone Dealer

do i need to be careful?

[devnull]

Kill yourself.

[Tungsten.Chromium]

I could tolerate the spam at first, but now its starting to drive me nuts.

[unbreakable matter]

fuck I'm old, I remember when iowa came out and sploo was wearing a helmet an drinkin jr juice boxxxes

would you believe I played in a deftones cover band in grade 8?

[Infinityshock]

I could tolerate the spam at first, but now its starting to drive me nuts.

what did the pirate that had his penis stuck in a steering wheel say?

[Tungsten.Chromium]

I could tolerate the spam at first, but now its starting to drive me nuts.

what did the pirate that had his penis stuck in a steering wheel say?

How did he get his penis stuck in a steering wheel?  I'm not even mad, thats amazing

[unbreakable matter]

He fucked the joke up bedore he started. Its a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants

[splooge gook]

fuck I'm old, I remember when iowa came out and sploo was wearing a helmet an drinkin jr juice boxxxes

would you believe I played in a deftones cover band in grade 8?

one time i asked a friend of mine "would you prefer a weapon that has more dexterity or more force to it" and he said, yes i know you know what im thinking but you're actually not because i bet you didn't expect this litttle transgression right now. but he said "i'd rather have a weapon with more dexterity. can you believe the nerve of some of these inward footed ohhh fuck you've got me thinking about angles again, right back.

[splooge gook]

alright so anyway my dad had set up a mini playground set for me in my uncle's backyard a few years back, and i'd be chillin, we'd be climbing through the different holes and loops you know...after accompleting this quest we decided we needed a weapon, and we decided on choosing between two sticks

actually "two sticks" in making me think of a lot of weird shit i did with that kid

it was 6th grade or so I CAN'T SPEAK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE nah jk but it factually and literally was the grade six (6) 6 6666666666666666

oh yeah we jerked off to cripple porn on his computer by turning our heads over our backs but neither of us had actually achieved ejaculation, since it was prepubescent. we slept over while he left jackass on ass he slept, i clogged his toilet because i couldn't figure out how to flush it. i duct taped his mouth closed and kicked him off the bed but we were cool with that cuz thats just how we roll. one time we snuck into the movie theatre and i tell the kid (while also being a kid myself) a guy drives 6-mph, where he should only be driving in A 2.1 mph zone, he realizes he's speeding and looks back. the unnamed second character in the second seat asks him "why did you stop", the man, contemplating for a moment, says "i thought i saw a cock". get it? instead of cop? comedic genius. but he laughed his ass off. his asshole neighbor stopped over and we literally tied him up as an experiment, and then we couldn't figure out how to get the tape off, so we used scissors and his mouth got all cut up. this was all on camera because i liked to record music videos with my friend and we thought it would be funny. my dad watched it about a year later, screamed at me over something i dontremmebr, and i think i kicked his steering wheel while driving into oncoming traffic. we survived.

[unbreakable matter]

I bet some of that stuff didn't happen the way you said it did

[splooge gook]

I bet some of that stuff didn't happen the way you said it did

i always used to get suspensions for the most retarded things

i think i threw a pencil in a girl's eye once and then tried really hard to prove to my dad i did have fwiends so once the school card my argument was "i wasn't mad at her, she's my friend"

with the same kid we smashed car windows as hard as we could with a solid granite barbie scooter. replace granite with the real word: metal. Oh yeah. So metal. we also bought fake knives and masks from a costume store and would attack each other on the sidewalk with plastic knives in masks on crowded streets. one time we were walking back from the park with the Scream ski mask and stood at the windows of the store with the knives in her hands staring at her unmovingly for like 15 seconds and i didnt really see it but my friend told me she was scared shitless. we were walking around in daytime and the cop told us to give us the knife, i showed him it's plastic, and he resumed to his actions while we walked around in public with openly displayed fake weapons

[unbreakable matter]

One time in grade 7 I took one of those white out things where its hand held and rolls on in a strip and took the white out part out so it was only the little serrated blade and cut the back on this kids neck

Another time I kept making fun of this kid so he stabbed me in the shoulder with a pen trying to get my neck and it kinda got broken up. The next day I punched him in the stomach so hard right before the bell rang that he puked in a garbage can and said he was gonna "slit my sack" but didn't tell on me. Like a year or two later he got leukemia and a year or two after that he died.

One time I basically got kidniggered by these older guys and foughted them in the woods until I realized it was ineffectual and they weren't tryna kill me, just basically torture me but they gave up and I walked back the way I came and later hit one of them with a rock when he was on his bike

Another time we had to defend LE TREE FORT from these other kids who were gonna tear it down and they were wealthier and most faggier and these girls came to watch which was pretty cool bruh and one guy on our side brought a slingshot filled with bebes and hit one of the enemies in teh face with it and he started crying and holding his face and another one literally called his aunt who came roaring up and yelling and buddy hit her IN THE LEG with a bebe and she called my mom and my mom dgaf

another time me and my buddy were fishin like adorable little ragamuffins and this guy came out who apparently owned the dock and started yelling at us and pushing us when we were basically backed up against the water and I thought he was gonna push us off and he opened the door to this little hut on the wharf and told us to get in but we got SO FUCKING SCARED and ran away so for a few weeks that summer we planned burning down that wharf and lo and behold SWIM (LOLXD) did it for us!

all these times were five whole week days before last

[splooge gook]

the best one was when i punched a kid in the face, went home, cut myself and tore up my shirt, and called up my dad crying that he attacked me with the razor of a pencil sharpener. my dad drove me over there and i got to watch him yell at the kid in a listerine induced fog, shook his hand in "treaty",looked him straight in the eye. amd then my dad drove me to school erry day for the next 2 years which was 3 times as convienent. he got suspended 4 a bit. to my defense he was a dickhead