Father was a Baptist, Mother was a Pentecostal.. I attended both churches when I was younger, but was never forced to go.. I was aloud to stay home or with my grand parents or attend if I wanted. I went on occasion.. the longest stints were 6 months at the Pentecostal and about 1 full year at the Baptist Church.. only because I missed one Sunday and it took me out of the running for an "attendance pen".. lol.. You got one every few months and I almost had my one year pen.. As bad as it is to say, I didnt return after missing that one Sunday.. lol.

 In time, my father has become a skeptic and near atheist due to continuously finding hardship in his life.. I could almost relate myself. My mothers faith is unwavering, and honestly.. I admire that quality about her. She isn't one of those over bearing christian types but she finds solace in her faith and I think that's just fine. I have found myself contemplating the universe, god, existence, and purpose many times throughout my life. My final conclusion thus far, I do believe in something.. I'm definitely a spiritual person, but you would probably assume I'm an atheist as I question most all religious notions.. especially those that restrict or demand certain things from an individual. That said, I believe in a single all might being (thus far).. I like to think that all the gods of this world are the same and are worshiped differently due to cultural/regional differences in societal progression. I make no clear or defined notions about this god that I believe in, other than god.. or a creator does or did exist.

 Then there are times when I imagine the universe as a living being in itself.. planets and celestial bodies are protons and stars are nucleus.. bound by gravity and magnetic attraction.. what seems vast and limitless possibly.. essentially the molecular scale for a being we comprise yet so large we could never fully fathom.. And perhaps.. within us.. on the same scale is an equally impressive universe unfolding in blissful ignorance  to ourselves.. Who knows.

 The latest and final Pink Floyd album that will ever be released. And I'm not even ashamed to admit that while I sit here listening to just the first few songs for the first time.. I've had a tear or two repeatedly try to escape. Perhaps, I should let it. I was a little skeptic since wrights death in 2008, and that.. for the most part, all modern music feels vain, fabricated, and crushingly docile. So far, song 2 and song far are taking me back to a time that has long passed, and making me feel like I just picked up a Pink Floyd album for the first time. It's all music this far in without any singing.. unsure if there will be any vocals. I just had to put this out there while it was fresh. If you havent checked it out, I suggest you do.

Captain America: The Winter Soilder.. It is my second time watching it as it had been a while. Still a decent flick.. Not my favorite Marvel movie, but certainly not the worst either.

That's a heavily generalized statement.. possibly too generalized.

 I was a teen when I dabbled on Totse but I'm in my mid-twenties now.. latter mid-twenties.. Fuck it, I'm 26. But yea, age isn't a sure fire way of gauging maturity.  Many older people never properly dealt with many coming of age situations or assimilated into the adult community. Plenty of younger people are wise beyond their years, some falsely.. some genuinely. Arnox's age isn't even one of the least of my concerns.. it's of no concern. 

Can't say that mine failed me. I grew up in a semi-hostile environment as the rest of my family (and myself on occasion) can be a little high strung. Sure, I was an angsty teenager (or the Hell years, as I now refer to them), and I'm surprised my parents really put up with my shit the way they did. They have always given me good advice and looked out for me... even when I haven't wanted them to. In the right mood, I could probably complain about them in one way or another.. over protective mother, dad probably didnt get to spend as much time teaching me things.. etc.. But, being in my mid-twenties.. I've made up for all of that. I was a mostly self-taught individual for the biggest portion of my life, having browsed the web and learned everything necessary depending  certain situation.  I spend more time with my family now and appreciate them probably more than I ever did in my youth. My father is currently helping me build a small barn, my mom still gives me advice on things I already know about.. I let them help me, because I love them.. not because I always need it (sometimes I do though).. I feel like I've come full circle.. considering my dad was bi-polar and went un-diagnosed for a long time, and my mother was really.. really over protective. I raised hell, did my drugs, and somehow managed to not fuck up my life.. I'm not even sure how sometimes. But.. I'm alive and doing fine, and I'm exceptionally glad to have my family in my life. It's hard for a lot of people to make amends,, It even took me a while. I thought I had burned a lot of bridges, but.. after four years of reconstruction, things are the best that they have ever been. I never much cared or needed my parents respect or confidence, but having made that transition from a kid to an adult.. perspective.. it's constantly changing. Only now I've learned o have the foresight to see things from other peoples eyes.. parents, elders, misguided youths of today, etc.. We're all just people trying to make it.

Satyr is right.  The community killed itself by allowing itself to be divided. It's a collective failure, and as such, we don't even deserve to carry on. Whether it's this site or some other, whatever remains of Totse is now doomed.

 This. I loved Totse and the ideal, but.. let it die. Destruction brings creation and what not... Times have changed, and old philosophies.. although relevant.. just aren't what they used to be.

Edit: I've finally figured out what it is exactly that makes this place and some of its members unfathomable to me. And honestly, it's my own ignorance. SN actually cleared it up for me.. I was over at Zoklet since March 09', and then he made his list of those who had came from Zoklet.. the act of the matter is, short of RustyShackleford, 1983, Malice (on occassion) and a few others.. I didn't post a lot in BC or HB.. and as I left drugs behind.. BLTC. I posted mostly in the news areas, MMM, BI, LLR, and ect.. When people started movng form Zoklet to here, I was under the assumption that the people posting here were those who were more like me.. semi-intelligent, and more interested in constructive discussion with a side of bullshitting around on occasion. When Zoklet went down.. people did move here from there.. most of you however, are just not part of the community that I associated with.. Hints, why I probably stick out like a sore thumb here. I'm not even uptight in real life, and when I write on here.. I do feel like the bitchy old hag down the street telling the teenagers to turn their loud music down..

*Sigh*.. I don't even know. It seems that a lot of the people I use to know and respect didnt make the move. Maybe they went elsewhere, maybe they dropped it. To be fair, the ones that are here.. you guys were a major part of the community at Zoklet. I had 1.6k-1.8k posts (somewhere in that region.. ) but many of you have much more.. You knew each other by name.. talked in the irc channel.. I didnt do that shit. I am the odd man out.. That said, this place was supposed to be a new beginning. There were talks of a Totse esque revival.. or.. at the very least.. a refugee camp for the zokleteers... zokletarians? Dont know what was ever decided upon..

 Anyways.. The majority rules doesn't it? I'm trying not to good to off base but... I get it. I'm done bitching. And whether or not I post here regularly.. probably not.. but I'm sure I'll drop in a few days a week and stick to my favored boards. I put my head up and tried to stand out because this board was fresh and new.. I wanted to perhaps, be a more recognizable member of the community.. And, I more/less achieved that.. hehe.. even though maybe not in the light that I had expected. Shit happens.. and I have no regrets. I've been pretty spiteful the past couple of post on here.. I was being retarded.. haha.. probably autistic as you would say.. Eh, see.. even that felt in bad taste.. My moral compass is to ingrained.. Its not from upbringing, or being brought up in some religious cult.. or mental handicap (that I know of.. lol).. It's just who I am..

 In short.. Do as you want.. Bitch.. moan.. complain.. I shouldnt even say that, kinda appears as if I'm acting that you "needed" my permission. I'm not as narcissistic as you may view me... passionate at times when I'm typing about something I feel strongly about.. but eh.. Sorry for being a bitch.. haha.. I admit it. Who knows maybe you guys will come to like me, maybe I'll continue to be a thorn in your side or regular nuisance.. If this place stays around, I want to try and stick around.. I just like to see this place prosper.. Might not even read this.. no skin off my back, I get paid to write 1000 word articles at a time.. nonetheless.. Truce for now. And I hope this place manages to work its shit out. Guess thats all I got.