Well, this is another thread for the purpose of aiding corrections officials. *shudders*
During many times in a mans life he will be faced with a dilemma in his masculinity and sexuality: "should I stick this up my ass?" There are many things that should not go up a mans ass. Penis's are one. Gerbils are another. Drugs are not one of these. It is well worth sticking something up your ass and saving yourself a charge and having something to get high on/sell once you enter the institution. Seriously, in this day if someone is opposed to sticking drugs up their ass to save themselves a lot of trouble and make their time when incarcerated easier, they're stupid. There isn't one career criminal I've met who's opposed to sticking drugs up their ass. Progressive bunch those career criminals.
So, there are two scenarios I'm going to discuss here. The first is where you have the "package" in your underwear and ready to go. The second is where you are caught off guard with a bag of something you'd wish to conceal.
1st. Whether you're currently in the system, you're doing something with a real risk of capture, you got caught for something and are about to do your time, there are many reasons to come prepared.
First thing you need to know is package preparation. This can very depending on what you want to fill it with. Marijuana needs to be finely ground up and pressed tightly together, clamps and vices are best but just basically get it as compact as possible. Tobacco is the same way. The average man can hold close to if not a full pouch (about 40 grams) but it's got to be made into several smaller packages. The things used for rolling money together (quarters etc.) are almost perfect for tobacco and weed. They keep shape easily. Pills in capsules should be emptied out and the contents of one pill counted. This may seem tedious but someone in the jail you're going to has done this before so it's good to know for yourself. Pills that aren't in capsules should be essentially stacked and put into a line on the saran wrap. Cocaine is the hardest by far. It's so vulnerable to heat it's got to be wrapped in it's own package, then hockey tape or something similar, then wrapped again. Plastic or rubber gloves work very well for cocaine too, actually the fingers from rubber gloves cut off is the best but they've got to be sealed and wrapped extremely well.
OK, now that you know how to prepare the drugs for packaging, it's time to do it. Basically, you need a lot of saran wrap and something for lube (hand cream, shampoo, vasoline, even your own spit really, just anything is MUCH better than nothing). With the drugs, you first want to wrap them up tightly in their own package with the saran wrap, tape, whatever. Just try to make it as compact as possible. Then place the package on top of a large portion of saran wrap. You can put tobacco on the saran wrap for something extra to smoke/sell which is what a lot of people do. Now that the tobacco is outside the original package and on top of the next layer of saran wrap, it’s time to try to start rolling the package up, folding the sides inward after one full roll so the next roll covers the sides that were rolled in nicely. I hope this is understandable. Keep rolling but don’t make it too tight. Rip off the saran wrap then do another layer GOING IN THE OTHER DIRECTION the same way. This is pretty much it. You want it to be cigar shaped, also the smaller you taper one end, the easier it’ll go up. Spit, lube, any kind of cream, water, really any reasonable product will aid it’s entry to your “pocket.”
If you’re out running around, keep it in your boxer briefs. If you’re not wearing any have your underwear above your pants, keep your pants tight and put the package in the part of your underwear that’s above your pants so it’s kind of another pocket. Cops watch your hands and pockets. I’m not gonna get too graphic about how to stick the package up your ass, it’s pretty self explanatory but I will say to make sure it’s all the way in there and doing dip kinda squats helps keep it up there if you think it might come out. Make sure there is no smell or trace of any lube or hand cream. You’re good now, you’re gonna want to shit your first few times just because that’s how your body works but hold it in until necessary.
2nd scenario
Ok, so you’re in a bad situation and you basically want to get rid of all the shit you’ve got on you. First off, as I mentioned before, boxer briefs save charges. Basically, I’ve only got a few pieces of advice when it comes to this. First, if you’ve gotta move something be fast and smooth. Second, cops think if they find something then that’s it. For example if they find a small amount of weed in a pocker, they’ll be like “OH WHAT’S THIS?” and not dig deeper if they can’t feel it right away. Thirdly, many shirts, pants and hoodies these days have secret pockets that cops are too stupid to find, just make sure they’re good. You can also get a girl (or yourself) to sew a pocket into the inner arm of a long sleeve shirt which works well. Fourthly and most importantly, your mouth and your ass should be the destination of contraband. When something is in your mouth you don’t intend to eat be sure to put it in the back of your mouth between your molars and your cheek.
Drugs in grams baggies can be put in your mouth (crack rocks are well), drugs in sandwich bags should be doubles up, spit on and attempted to place up your ass. If this is not possible, eat them or put them in your mouth.
When you get to the police station, standard fare is to strip search immediately (if charges are immediately pending and you’ve been read your rights) and that means you take off al your clothes in front of cops, run your hands through your hair, open your mouth, lift your tongue, turn around, show the bottoms of both your feet, bend over and cough. The best way to go about this is acting like you already know and it’s typical. Most cops don’t like seeing guys junk any more than you do. If they try to drag it out any more say “is this why you became a cop, so you can look at guys dicks” or something like that and they’ll act funny.
Put your clothes on and don’t even think of shitting until you’re at the jail and maybe not even then.
I’m gonna cut it off right now. I just want to get this out there. Next chapter is gonna be what to do once you get to jail with your drugs. Feel free to add any requests of if you have any information to add. I was very brief over some parts and might elaborate later.
Edit: I forgot about putting condoms up your ass. This can be done but it's best to have the package wrapped in seran wrap first then but two condoms going either way over top. Condoms are easier to get up there. Lighters aren't usually a big deal but if you're gonna be in the hole they're useful. You can also get a light from batteries and a piece of metal.
OK, now let's talk about the dry cell
If you're suspected of bringing contraband in you'll be placed in a "dry cell" which is a cell where the flushing of the toilet has been disabled. It usually has a camera in it too and you're allowed limited items. Covering your camera, at least in my county isn't a big thing but it'll bring guards over. Tell them you wanted to whack off and didn't want you perverts watching you. When you take a shit in the dry cell you usually have to do it naked with the guards watching, you take a shit, get up, they look at it, you sit back down and wipe your ass, they inspect you again then toss your cell looking for anything. Guards usually don't like doing this so finding guards that'll be less vigilant is important. Usually it's 3 shits and they let you back out unless they seriously suspect you.
when you're dry celled your best course of action is holding it in until you get to go to the shower. You can push your package out, hide it in your underwear or something. Go back to your cell, find a good hiding spot (inside a mattress works well, just make sure you made a very small hole and the package is far from it, in rolled up clean socks is another) and take a shit for the guards. If you've got to shit and the package is still in you, take a shit, use your socks or a shirt to wipe and when the guard comes around go "wtf took you so long, flush my toilet."
Taking a shit during the night when the lights are out, don't wipe, leave it and when a guard comes by go "HOLY SHIT GET IN HERE QUICK I'M SHITTING RIGHT NOW" and jump on the toilet and pretend to shit.
Another way is taking food that looks like shit (brownies work best but anything that looks like a turd when chewed up works too) and putting it deep within your ass cheeks. When the guards come and you get on the toilet, spread your cheeks and it'll fall out.
Another way if they give you toilet paper is to "catch" your package as it drops and slip it back up there undetected like you're wiping.
If you're fat and your package is small you can hide it in the top of your asscrack.
OK, now you've got your package in. You go to the range. Usually ranges look at new arrivals warily. If you don't know anyone they will come up and ask you if you know somebody. No matter who it is, your mom, your best friend, yourself etc, you don't know them. It's always a test unless you know for a fact this person is straight and on good terms with these people. They will ask you if you "have anything." Always say no. If you know who "runs the range" give it a few days, talk to him and if you think he's alright, piece him off a little bit but DON'T SHOW ANYONE EXACTLY HOW MUCH YOU'VE GOT! If your best friend comes up to you, tell him you don't have anything but let him know later you do when your sure all suspicions of you having dope are dispelled with the rest of the range. Keep your shit to yourself. People get jealous when they know you're high and they're not. If you want to get all the good guys high, do it but make sure all the guys in the "clique" are high because the odd one out's gonna be hating. Make sure the guys give you canteen items too to keep you fed and get you phone calls and other stuff people who've been in there longer have set up already.
If you're going up to the pen, keep your dope to yourself. Shit's worth a lot more money up there and in reception you're usually locked down over 20 hours a day. Don't let people know you've got hard drugs like coke, H etc. unless you trust them completely because people go nuts for that stuff. Like I said, if you want to party, make sure everyone else is partying. If someone's a goof tho and just on that range for whatever reason, don't get them high if nobody else is getting them in there.
If you want to make money, either have money sent to your canteen account, someone you trust on the outside or to a bank account through a direct money transfer. You'll need the account number, the transit number and the branch number where you set up your account and sometimes the 2 initials of the name of the account. If you've got multiple money orders going through in one day add a cent total to each transaction that's different, example deal 1 $100.01 deal 2 $100.02 etc. Get someone to check the account in the morning to make sure the money went through. It's up to you whether you want to give them the shit before, after, or half and half. Banking information is a no no and will get you sent to the hole so write it in a code only you yourself can decipher. Don't give away free shit except for the little piece off to the guy who runs the range if it's a good circumstance to do it in. If you're gonna be smoking weed, get some of the fellas high with you but know that you're smoking when you want to smoke.
put good smelling stuff on the vents, use other peoples cells, destroy or stash all evidence, take note of when guards do their rounds and know what guards don't give a shit. Don't be a heatbag above all. When you're high sometimes it's hard to remember that it can be detrimental to do drugs in jail and make it everyones business but you've got to be careful. When a search might be up, stash shit in your underwear quickly or up your ass. Always keep your package in a way that is can be concealed or stuck up your ass easily.
well, keep all this in mind and it'll make your time a lot easier. Feel free to ask about anything else
now fucking archive my thread cunts.
