So I'm dealing with death of a close cousin. I'm getting put on anti-depressants soon, well I'll know what I'm being put on soon since I've been needing them for a while since I've failed at managing my depression for years and just realized I needed help. Something about his death is troubling me. The fact I keep hoping it was painless and not painful, I don't really feel like this is normal to wonder and think about. That being said, I'm not suicidal. I've absolutely dreaded life, but I haven't wanted to take my own. Is a Heroin and Xanax overdose painful?