Gollum's hallucination thread

[Gollumkip]

Here I will document my hallucinations. I hallucinate from time to time in addition to my HPPD which does not consist of true hallucinations. But for the record my hppd consists of- episodes of visual fog/static, growing, shrinking, breathing, moving, twisting, pulling away, pulling further, vibrating. Maybe more.

Some recent hallucinations

I hallucinated a small black portal earlier this week. It was the size of my pinky and had tendrils dark as arnox's asshole and it lasted not even a second

Today I hallucinated the outline of that girl from the ring in the hallway, it was dark.

Few weeks ago I hallucinated my dad in my peripheral and tried to talk to him, totally 100% saw and heard him. Turned to nothingness. Then he came in from the garage on the opposite side minutes later, meaning there's no way it coulda been him.

I reject your reality and substitute my own.

[Bewbees]

Has this been documented by a licensed physician?

[John Smith]

Let's dug up some quotes to support my "Gollum is predisposed to developing schizophrenia" hypothesis:

I hallucinte on a daily basis, it comes out much more when I'm stoned but it's definitely there sober. My method of assuring myself I'm not crazy is talking to the voices in my head through thought and proving they arent real voices by getting them to interact with my thoughts.

Although I haven't had to do this sober very often for a while now it's my strategy to go to when I'm having a hard time telling if the voices are real.

I haven't told any of my friends about this in full detail. It makes me sound fucking insane. Either that or it somehow sounds awesome and they want to develop hppd too...

The fact that you actually have a hard time telling if the voices are real or not sounds like the early stages of schizophrenia more than anything... you are at that age where it starts to manifest.

Worried of what? I feel fine. I'm still in control of the voices in my head.

I don't think it's related to the HPPD as much as this one particular incident with some stimulants and doing too much of them. Shadow people, plots, etc. The hearing voices thing stemmed from there, for about a week it was real bad. I'd be like taking a shower and I'd hear my parents start plotting to kill me and thought it was real and it was HARD to talk myself out of it even though in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't. Sure felt like it. I don't think it was something chemical as much as mental because yeah, I don't think it's too common for these things to stick around like it has. It's been over a year and a half since this incident though. But it's easy enough to keep in check and has been easing up more and more. It's only when I'm REALLY high that it comes out to the point where I have to trick the voices into proving they aren't real.

Annnd then I just realized I wrote an entire paragraph explaining how crazy I'm NOT. I sound like a crazh person. :paranoid:

11-19-2012
I used to hear voices when I was really stressed out or depressed. It was always paranoid sorta shit. It included real people most of the time, and was usually about me getting busted for various things. i figured out how to outsmart it tho and it eventually went away. Basically I just used 'telepathy' to talk to the voices and ask them if I was hallucinating. Reguardless of the awnser, I knew it was a hallucination.

It's been developing for years. People generally don't notice, and don't want to accept, how dysfunctional they're becoming, how many things they're doing that aren't normal. Who knows how many posts he made describing symptoms and episodes.

[Saint Hubertus]

Do you ever hallucinate anything sexually inclined?

[Gollumkip]

Do you ever hallucinate anything sexually inclined?

Unfortunately not.

Malice- it's rather creepy you have saved those posts. I don't have any voices in my head and haven't had any in a while- even when I'm high they aren't there. The only time I ever get them now is when I'm falling asleep, right on the cusp, then BAM something will start going off very loudly for a second or two such as people screaming or a dog barking or an animal roar, something. It wakes me up. This is pretty rare now though and I actually can't remember the last time it happened, maybe like 2 or 3 weeks ago.

[John Smith]

I didn't save them: https://www.google.com/search?q=site%3Azoklet.net+%22gollum%22+%22schizophrenia%22+%22voices%22

If it weren't drug induced and getting better I'd be worried.

That's probably what Mashlehash said right before he won the lotto again..

I wouldn't push it if I were you?

I've been getting like 3-5 hours of sleep for the past few weeks or so. Tonight, no sleep. I'm starting to hallucinate. I'm not even really tired and the hallucinations are getting more and more extreme. It's building.

Hearing voices through the television, hearing voices in the shower, on car rides...etc

I had a period where I went through stimulant induced psychosis and I vividly remember the voices of my mom and dad telling me to kill myself while I was in the shower. Funny story though, I overcame the voices through logic. They freaked me out at first but like the third day I had a conversation like this

Mom: Just fucking kill yourself gollum

Me (thinking): what did you say?

Mom: I said-

Me: If you are a real voice how are you responding to my thoughts?

Mom: FUCK!

I would literally have talks like this with my shower parents daily for almost two weeks but the voices slowly died down. I still hear whispers sometimes if I think about it but I can also silence them without even having to communicate. I can do it pretty much anytime it's quiet.

Like they said, if you're having symptoms this severe, particularly after "binges" where you didn't even use that much for that long, and they're lasting this long, that ain't normal.

The severity of schizophrenia, the symptoms, fluctuates, including during its onset, the initial development before becoming full blown. You should know this. Who knows, maybe you'll have a bad trip one day, take too much of something, and it's lottery winning time. Your golden ticket to the psych ward where you can finally admit you have a problem and receive treatment.

[Gollumkip]

Get out of my thread malice.

[Gollumkip]

I'm kidding I love you. Most of it is just HPPD related shit, the vast majority of it I'd say. The hallucinations i have are always brief and recognized as hallucinations within a second most times. It seems to directly correlate with stress or lack of sleep. Today I was moving heavy things all day and saw count: 5 shadow people. They all disappeared within a matter of seconds. It's not to a level I'm worried about yet, don't you worry your lonely little head off malice- I'm keeping an eye on it. If I feel I need help, I'll get it. I don't though.

[mmmmmmmQuestions]

yeah but what if it's all freakin one big hallucination maaannnn??

[ngalo1983]

What if its not a hallucination and it was an actual ghost?

[Umbrella Corp]

 Quite a few years back I would "trip" on benedryl regularly in a 3 month time span.  Fuck that shit.  First of all, it's not really tripping it is delusions from over dosing.  It's kinda scary, your coordination is fucked, you hear and see shit that isn't there.. which sounds like a trip but it's not.  And the next day-- my god.  you'll be in bed the entire day, it really takes a toll on your body.

Anyway, I brought that up because for about.. i'd say 2-3 months after my last BIG "trip" (the one that made me decide to stop that shit) I would have kinda flashbacks-ish.. would see shit in my pereipherals.  And generally had cognitive problems for 3 months.  Also felt like I killed ALOT of brain cells.

Don't do benedryl.  It's literally retarded and I feel retarded.

TL;DR: my point to OP is yeah after taking alot of certain drugs it can fuck your brain up for a time, but I think it will go back to normal.

[Gollumkip]

What if its not a hallucination and it was an actual ghost?

You know- we actually had a plausibly paranormal experience here in the house a couple weeks ago. The garage is connected to the house and has a garage door and a back door in addition to the one connected to the house. All of these were locked, nobody was in there. Everybody in the house heard three knocks that completely and totally sounded like they were coming from the door. I had actually heard it once before that about an hour earlier but nobody else did. I figure it was somebody fucking with the dog but everybody claimed the sound came from the garage which again, nobody was in. It was pretty bizarre. We do have mice but this sounded like a human fucking knock. I'm not saying it was paranormal but it was just... weird. Nothing else like that has happened before or since.

[Gollumkip]

Quite a few years back I would "trip" on benedryl regularly in a 3 month time span.  Fuck that shit.  First of all, it's not really tripping it is delusions from over dosing.  It's kinda scary, your coordination is fucked, you hear and see shit that isn't there.. which sounds like a trip but it's not.  And the next day-- my god.  you'll be in bed the entire day, it really takes a toll on your body.

Anyway, I brought that up because for about.. i'd say 2-3 months after my last BIG "trip" (the one that made me decide to stop that shit) I would have kinda flashbacks-ish.. would see shit in my pereipherals.  And generally had cognitive problems for 3 months.  Also felt like I killed ALOT of brain cells.

Don't do benedryl.  It's literally retarded and I feel retarded.

TL;DR: my point to OP is yeah after taking alot of certain drugs it can fuck your brain up for a time, but I think it will go back to normal.

I mean, I have HPPD. But it's different from the actual and true hallucinations which I always think are real or seem real. HPPD will bring stuff like breathing, waving, moving, colors, wiggles, etc. But when a spider warp hole opens up in the middle of nowhere or you hear/see an incoming truck that doesn't exist while crossing the street or get woken up by voices- it's a bit different. The hallucinations never seem to ease up like the hppd is, they just go away for a bit. My HPPD has steadily been decreasing over fuck... the past year and a half now? I've had hallucinations prior to this after a stimulant induced psychosis episode but the hppd definitely ramped it up a bit.

[starvingniglet]

ITT: gollum rationalizes away his burgeoning schizophrenia