So, this is my story of my heroin use. To clarify before I start this out, I never got physically addicted, although I'm pretty sure the psychological part of it is there as you'll be able to tell. I never used for weeks on end, or even a straight week. I feel like I'm pretty lucky that it didn't develop into something full blown, anyway, on with my tale.
I was probably about 17 the first time I tried it. There was a dealer we'll refer to as Bran who was selling Heroin as Opium actually to try and get people addicted. I remember that night pretty vividly. I had a decent amount of money from selling some pot I grew at the time, and I had always wanted a legit Opium experience. So I dialed up Bran asked him for a $20 bag of it. I told my dad some bullshit lie about how I had to go get rolling papers and meet a friend at the store to give him some money (My dad is a horrible opiate addict so you can already see where I'm not making smart choices). So I went in, bought a drink, and some papers. Waited about five minutes for Bran to show up. Got in his car, he was visibly strung out, I came to find out that I was horribly shorted (thankfully) and that he was doing this to everyone. So I got back in to my dad's car and went home.
About five minutes later I got home and ran up to my room excited to try what I thought was Opium. I open up the stamp and it was a little dark greyish rock and I even remember thinking "Man, this doesn't seem like any Opium I've ever looked at or read about on the internet". I proceeded to put it under a bill, crush it, and rail about half of it trying to be careful. Immediately a warmth that I've never felt came over my body, it felt great for about 10 minutes until I started feeling sick and my eyes began to hurt. I remember telling my friend Brandon how it was the worst drug experience of my whole life. About a week later I come to find out that it's actually heroin what he gave me, like he sold to everyone else. I was pissed, but I let it go and looked at it like my fault for even taking the risk.
Fast forward a year and a half later to when I'm 18 and freshly graduated from high school. I feel like this is where I really messed up because at this point I willingly started doing Heroin, it was never about an addiction, it was always a casual thing. My friend Brad I considered one of my best friends who I generally always hung out with, even more so than my now ex-girlfriend at the time. The night I finally gave into knowingly trying Heroin was a really shady night and the only night I actually went into the hood for a Heroin deal. I was warned by my friend Brad to keep my cool and not get nervous because the guy was pretty unpredictable and was dealing a lot of Heroin. When we finally got back to my house I kept telling him look man you can keep the dope if you want I'll have my dad buy us some beer and we'll just drink. Actually being some what conscious of his drug use he refused because he had planned on doing some that night and mixing the two was bad. He gave me my share and I went to my room.
At the time I was dealing with a bad court case over getting busted in a grow op so I didn't exactly feel like I too much to live for, my relationship was falling apart, and life just really sucked. I feel like this factored into my decision to go into my room and try more of the forbidden fruit. This was by far the cleanest junk I've ever done in my life. A surge of warmth overwhelmed my body, the euphoria I felt was like winning a superbowl, and for once life didn't seem bad at all. I went to sleep that night, went to court the next day. As soon as I got home did up the last bit of what I had and called it quits for a about two more months.
Through out the next probably five months I did a few lines with Brad and bought a little bit, this was before I realized it would sink into me psychologically.
Speeding up to the last three months of my life where I realized that it was starting to become a problem.
This is the part of my life where heroin became easily accessible for me and I wish I could rewind and change it. A guy we'll call Joe used to live down the street from us always suffered addiction to about anything you can think of and eventually ended up getting clean for about two years. My current best friend Brandon started working with him making a pretty decent living off of the side plumbing jobs they were doing for people. One day Joe ended up hurting his shoulder in a work accident and started buying Heroin again for the pain. Earlier in the story I talked about how I started doing Heroin willingly with Brad, well Brandon came down and tried a bump off of a line. We were sitting around talking and we decided to have Joe get us some dope for just one night. We got some money together and he declined the money and just gave us a $30 bag for free.
This is the night that changed my life forever, not the accidental night, Brad, but this night is where my problem started. Brandon spent the night with me and we stayed up all night nodding out just discussing life. So we finished up what we a day later and at the time decided that was quits from that point on. The transformation from just casual chipping to weekly scoring of the oh so vile substance had begun. It went from maybe once or twice a month to once every two or three weeks to once every week and then to multiple times through the week. Then one night it hit me the path I was going down, the same one my dad went down. Before I started using Heroin again my life was really great. I started focusing on my health to get back into athletic shape like I used to be, I was doing great in my college classes, and I even got my ex-girlfriend to start working on straightening things out with me. After I started using more frequently, which lead to me using marijuana again which is arguably for me as damaging to my motivation and drive as dope is. I quit focusing on my health, my confidence is definitely down, I'm not doing well in school, motivation is back to low, and things are starting to not work as well between my ex and I. What became apparent that it I'm starting to go down the path of addiction is how much the thought of Heroin has been popping up into my mind. It happens randomly through out the day. Sitting in class, blam, dreams of dope pop up. Laying down in bed with my ex next to me, blam, dreams of dope.
I really wish I had listened to what people, addicts, and former addicts have all said, under no circumstances should you ever use Heroin. Heroin will become a problem before you know it. It starts out just casual fun and then starts to become more frequent and then right under your nose gets you. It takes a minute to bust up a line and snort it, but a life time of dealing with the consequences of abuse. I'm still trying to figure out ways to deal with the psychological effects of it. By the grace of god I'm not a physical addict and actually looking at the situation from a logical stand point now. Heroin is nothing to fuck with, and if you decide to use please educate yourself on what you're in for. If you're still stupid enough to continue using after that point then I don't have much to say other than seek help.
Bran the dealer ended up getting arrested with a bunch of cocaine, three ounces of pot, scales, heroin, and needles. He ended up becoming a full blown addict to Heroin himself and suffering the same fate as everyone he deceived into addiction. Brad and I quit being friends. He got mad that I made a joke about his new group of friends and we both pretty much realized that things aren't the same as they used to be. He ended up becoming a full blown addict and nearly losing everything. He cleaned up for a few months at time but ended up relapsing. He's trying to stay clean as I had other plans in mind at the time. We agreed the friendship was toxic and was built on drug abuse so we just decided to part ways for good. Brandon and I continue to be best friends and are helping each other get back on track. My ex-girlfriend and I are still working things out, and god bless the women because if she were to have walked out of my life when things were getting rocky from me not caring as much because of pot and dope I'd probably be a full blown addict.
