my depression and how can you help

[mmmmmmmQuestions]

I stopped trying to make depressing threads and comments after understanding how exhausting it is for me, and how 'old' it gets for others to consistently have to hear about someone else's struggles; as though they/we all don't have problems of our own. That being said, I'm just gonna write a brief summary of my last year's experience with different anti-depressants, and if you have anything to suggest, awesome.


A year ago- I feel more depressed than I've felt my entire life, which is saying a lot, and finally give in to taking a prescribed anti-depressant. I get prescribed 20mg a day prozac by the family health care nurse practitioner or whatever the hell. I begin taking them and within 2 or 3 weeks I feel similar to being high on meth, save for many of the negatives. In short, I was getting up earlier, getting better rest, eating less/healthier, feeling a resurgence in my confidence and energy levels, etc. As the weeks went on, this increased, and I felt more 'alive' then I can remember feeling since I was a teenager. I also lost 50 lbs over the next 3-4 months.


9 months ago- slowly, and not quite noticeably to me at the time, the effects begin to dwindle. I am struggling with keeping a job because of my new confidence that 'I'm better than the shit I'm doing.' While the ambition or desire feels good, the fact that I can't stick with my current job until I figure something else out is not good.


7-8 months ago - I am still slowly declining in the initial surge of motivation that I had felt, and revisit the doctor who decides to continue the prozac and add abilify. I do research and talk myself out of taking them. I start to blame prozac or feel like it has fucked me up somehow; that it helped initially and then ruined or changed something within my mental chemistry.


6 months ago - I'm about back to my initial depressive state. Gained about 25 lbs back of the weight I had lost and feeling very little ambition or confidence as it relates to hanging out with people or interacting in general. Go back to doctor who changes my medication to Depakote, which is some anti-seizure horse pill type thing that apparently has been shown to help with severe depression. I take that for a while and feel worse; start missing work due to inability to get out of bed, extreme fatigue, zombie-like conditions so to speak.


3 months ago - go back to doctor. she changes my med to Imipramine, some ancient shit that is basically just another shot in the dark. Since I've been taking this the last several months, I felt a minor improvement, like from a 2/10 to a 4/10. I felt a bit better at work and haven't had any struggles as far as making it to work, but other than that my social anxiety has been ever prevalent, and my lack of motivation or ambition.


And now this last week I've missed work due to strong feelings of depression and fatigue. I'm basically just doing the bare minimum of what I need to to get by, and all of my relationships have been strongly affected by my depression. I am finally going to see an actual psychiatrist soon, and of course I'll explain to him/her everything and hopefully they'll have a better idea of where to go. Until that happens I'm still always curious to hear of others' experiences with anti-depressant medications or lack thereof.


I feel like I want to go back to prozac, maybe double the dosage of what I was initially taking. I'm sure that it induced a 'mania' to some degree, yet at the same time, almost any improvement was sure to feel like a manic state, in relation to the longstanding depressive state that I had been in. So, I don't know if it would be a good idea to go back to what started this all- the only thing that helped me feel better than I had ever felt- or do I go this alternate route of herbs and leaves and fucking green tea and morning jogs? Natural or not?


Someone wave your magic wand and heal me.

[equanimity]

Have you been in therapy at all during this?  Anti-depressants on their own aren't really going to solve anything long-term, imo.  Would you be willing to get hardcore serious about your diet?

[mmmmmmmQuestions]

Have you been in therapy at all during this?  Anti-depressants on their own aren't really going to solve anything long-term, imo.  Would you be willing to get hardcore serious about your diet?

No. When I felt good, I (stupidly, I suppose) didn't think it was necessary. When I've felt like it is necessary, I just don't have the ambition to make an appt and follow through. I guess I have seen a 'couples counselor' with my girlfriend, who has been able to make the referral for me to see a psychiatrist, but outside of that she hasn't had much advice. I've seen her 3 times in the last 6 months, and she has noticed the decline in my condition every time that I've seen her.


I probably, absolutely need to see a therapist while I continue to take meds, or even not. Will a psychiatrist act as that? Do they do therapy or do they just fucking listen to your problems and write you a script? I know I make a lot of excuses when I feel like this, and even now I feel like therapy would do me little good if I don't have the physical or mental ability to follow through with anything. Like for example if going for a jog is supposed to make me feel better, I won't know because I am way too fucking unmotivated to go for a jog, or even if I could find the motivation, I view things like that as something that's only going to make me more tired and won't bring me any satisfaction.

I'd like to get serious about my diet and a lot of things, it just feels nearly impossible when I feel 'down' so much of the time. It makes it hard to care about anything, I guess. I probably need to stop making excuses or justifying why I do or don't take certain actions, I'm just so encompassed in that way of thinking right now that what is probably a mole hill, feels like a mountain. Or something...

[equanimity]

That's depression for you

Really try to capitalize on those moments when you feel you CAN do something.  Start there.  If you want to talk diet I have tons of advice, but it means cooking and buying quality foods as you eliminate the bad stuff.  Diet is a huge deal when it comes to depression.  usually.

The psychiatrist will likely not even listen to your problems much at all.  Expect a 15 minute appointment.  Some psychiatrists do the whole therapy thing, but that is very very rare these days.

[Max Headroom]

Take wellbutrin if you want an antidepressant that works.

[mmmmmmmQuestions]

That's depression for you

Really try to capitalize on those moments when you feel you CAN do something.  Start there.  If you want to talk diet I have tons of advice, but it means cooking and buying quality foods as you eliminate the bad stuff.  Diet is a huge deal when it comes to depression.  usually.

The psychiatrist will likely not even listen to your problems much at all.  Expect a 15 minute appointment.  Some psychiatrists do the whole therapy thing, but that is very very rare these days.

what would the daily expenses of your particular diet amount to, roughly? I can't really afford pricey organic foods or things of that nature. Ideally I'd like to be able to maintain a diet that costs me like 5 dollars a day. As it stands, and which you'll clearly connect to part of my depression, I eat generally once a day and that's at 3 in the morning, usually a while after a get home from work and shortly before I go to bed. Then I sleep all day and just do nothing or go to work where I don't have much time to eat and I'm generally not hungry anyway.

[Vulture]

OP screams bipolar, either I or II, not cyclothymia or rapid cycling.

Take wellbutrin if you want an antidepressant that works.

^This. ^This. This. This. SNDRI + something like lamotrigine if the daily SNDRI diet throws you into mania for too long.

[Vulture]

If a psych doesn't give you Wellbutrin after you ask for it, go to your regular doctor and tell them you want it so you can stop smoking.

[mmmmmmmQuestions]

What do you suppose wellbutrin will do for me? Similar to the ssri or no? What's the main difference?

[Zanick]

I personally don't believe SSRI's are such a great thing for long term therapy. You should get a therapist to help with restructuring the depressive thought process, definitely. But don't let your psychiatrist experiment on you, they already know what works and they don't have to tweak your meds every visit just to justify your copay.

Take advantage of your next high point to establish good habits. Exercise daily, eat well, socialize, etc. another part that isn't always mentioned is to change the people you see. Think about how someone makes you feel. If you take a class with students who make you feel competitive, or work out at a gym that pushes you, friends who talk to you like they want the best for you, or have a job with customers you feel good having satisfied, you've got a healthy support system. On the other hand, if your dealer makes you feel scummy, don't hang out after you pick up.

[equanimity]

That's depression for you

Really try to capitalize on those moments when you feel you CAN do something.  Start there.  If you want to talk diet I have tons of advice, but it means cooking and buying quality foods as you eliminate the bad stuff.  Diet is a huge deal when it comes to depression.  usually.

The psychiatrist will likely not even listen to your problems much at all.  Expect a 15 minute appointment.  Some psychiatrists do the whole therapy thing, but that is very very rare these days.

what would the daily expenses of your particular diet amount to, roughly? I can't really afford pricey organic foods or things of that nature. Ideally I'd like to be able to maintain a diet that costs me like 5 dollars a day. As it stands, and which you'll clearly connect to part of my depression, I eat generally once a day and that's at 3 in the morning, usually a while after a get home from work and shortly before I go to bed. Then I sleep all day and just do nothing or go to work where I don't have much time to eat and I'm generally not hungry anyway.

Eating once daily is a form of intermittent fasting, and can actually be a good thing for overall health.  If you're willing to eat the same meal day in and day out you can make it work on $35 a day.  Would be mostly vegetarian, because meat worth eating is pretty expensive :/

[Zanick]

Fuck, at five dollars a day for food I'd say brown rice, canned fruit, chicken breast and frozen veggies with lots of water and a multivitamin to plug up any deficiency you're left with. Buy what you can, in bulk and on sale, then freeze. This isn't something I'd recommend if it's at all possible to avoid it; food is about the only thing I splurge on because I believe a good diet is worth it. If it really comes down to pennies, peanut butter is nutritionally dense enough that it could keep you alive for some time while you conserve funds. Again, none of this is ideal, and in the long term, I doubt its sustainability. It won't do much for your mental state unless your diet is worse already, that's the least I can say.

[RIPtotse]

get addicted to heroin/opiates,

at least you wont be depressed when ur high.

thats what i do.

at least i get some relief, because im going to be depressed either way,

once addicted get a script of suboxone, and possibly a benzo.

use those when you dont have funds for heroin.


problem fucking solved, your fucking welcome

[mmmmmmmQuestions]

I'm assuming that means $0.35. And I guess I usually do eat the same thing but it's almost always 'unhealthy.' Ideally I'd like be able to wake up earlier in the day and at least eat some form of breakfast/lunch, and then eat one time later on. From everything I've ever heard though, it's never really a good idea to eat a meal before you go to bed, right? I'd imagine I could adjust as my body gets used to it, it's just another one of those things that seemingly difficult for me to get the ball rolling on, although to be fair I haven't even tried yet. If you stress it's importance that much, I guess it wouldn't hurt to at least make it a goal to focus on that while I try to figure out what else I can do, and what this psychiatrist will end up saying/doing. So what do you suggest? And by the way thank you for your responses thus far.

[Suicidal Fish]

Have you considered maning up and stop being a pussy?

When I was growing up people with depression where weak people to be laughed at, and I still agree now.