The Sanctuary

Ego => Half Baked => Topic started by: Suicidal Fish on October 21, 2014, 01:12:10 am

Title: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: Suicidal Fish on October 21, 2014, 01:12:10 am: Hardest part to eat of the Vegatable? The Wheelchair

I tell everyone that one
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: joe camel on October 21, 2014, 01:15:16 am: Whats the difference in a black guy and a bucket of shit?

The bucket
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: Infinityshock on October 21, 2014, 02:16:35 am: Time for some dead baby jokes...
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: aldra on October 21, 2014, 02:38:59 am: http://imgur.com/search?q=terrible+tiger

personal favourite that I haven't heard before:

"I caught my friend masturbating in the shower the other day

it really ruined the class trip to Auschwitz"
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: Infinityshock on October 21, 2014, 02:42:59 am: how do you get a baby to stop crawling around in a circle?
nail its other hand to the floor

how many babies does it take to paint a house?
depends how hard you throw them

how do you get 10 babies into a bowl?
use a blender
how do you get them out?
potato chips

whats pink and red and sits in a corner?
a baby chewing on a razor blade

whats brown and green and sits in a corner?
the same baby two weeks later

what has four legs and an arm?
a happy pitbull in a playground

why did the baby cross the road?
it was stapled to the chicken

How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.

What's bright blue, pink, and sizzles?
A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: Vulture on October 21, 2014, 02:43:13 am: Do you know the difference between a loaf of bread and an elephant?
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: Infinityshock on October 21, 2014, 02:50:18 am: Quote from: Vulture on October 21, 2014, 02:43:13 am
Do you know the difference between a loaf of bread and an elephant?

there isnt one...you can make a sammich out of both of them
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: Rationahl on October 21, 2014, 03:08:07 am: Have you ever had african food? Neither have they.

Whats the difference between a dead baby and a hamsandwich? You dont fuck a ham sandwich before you eat it.

Why are there so many trees in Harlem? Transportation.

Why do black people carry shit in their pocket? Identification.
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: Man Titties on October 22, 2014, 03:55:23 am: How many Jews can you fit into a Volkswagen?
10 in the backseat and 4.3 in the ashtray

Why was the black Jew sad?
Cause he had to sit in the back of the oven

What do you call 2 niggers on a bike?
Organized crime

That's all I know for now folks
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: Soso0 on October 22, 2014, 04:02:02 am: Quote from: aldra on October 21, 2014, 02:38:59 am
http://imgur.com/search?q=terrible+tiger

personal favourite that I haven't heard before:

"I caught my friend masturbating in the shower the other day

it really ruined the class trip to Auschwitz"
Best meme ever.
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: mmmmmmmQuestions on October 22, 2014, 04:07:43 am: A flower petalled into a field. He decides to leaf right away but the field keeper is like 'no, stamen.' Rooted with indecision, the flower drew a pistil thinking it was the only anther. The flower had a lisp too. He decided violence wasn't his style. Also, filament.
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: starvingniglet on October 22, 2014, 04:12:01 am: Quote from: mmmmmmmQuestions on October 22, 2014, 04:07:43 am
A flower petalled into a field. He decides to leaf right away but the field keeper is like 'no, stamen.' Rooted with indecision, the flower drew a pistil thinking it was the only anther. The flower had a lisp too. He decided violence wasn't his style. Also, filament.

no xylum and floem?
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: mmmmmmmQuestions on October 22, 2014, 04:23:14 am: Quote from: starvingniglet on October 22, 2014, 04:12:01 am
Quote from: mmmmmmmQuestions on October 22, 2014, 04:07:43 am
A flower petalled into a field. He decides to leaf right away but the field keeper is like 'no, stamen.' Rooted with indecision, the flower drew a pistil thinking it was the only anther. The flower had a lisp too. He decided violence wasn't his style. Also, filament.

no xylum and floem?

uhm.... also, the flower got in some trouble and was phloem far far away to the xylem where he and his morbidly stemmed figure died, but not before his last meal of his breakfast of choice- ovary z eggs.
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: starvingniglet on October 22, 2014, 04:31:08 am: Quote from: mmmmmmmQuestions on October 22, 2014, 04:23:14 am
Quote from: starvingniglet on October 22, 2014, 04:12:01 am
Quote from: mmmmmmmQuestions on October 22, 2014, 04:07:43 am
A flower petalled into a field. He decides to leaf right away but the field keeper is like 'no, stamen.' Rooted with indecision, the flower drew a pistil thinking it was the only anther. The flower had a lisp too. He decided violence wasn't his style. Also, filament.

no xylum and floem?

uhm.... also, the flower got in some trouble and was phloem far far away to the xylem where he and his morbidly stemmed figure died, but not before his last meal of his breakfast of choice- ovary z eggs.

thanks, bud
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: Prometheus on October 22, 2014, 04:32:45 am: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

A lickalotapus.
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: Ragus on October 22, 2014, 04:39:34 am: Whats the smartest thing to come out of a womans mouth?

Einsteins cock
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: baby raper on October 22, 2014, 05:27:19 am: whats the difference between a black girls pussy and a bowling ball?

i could eat the bowling ball if i had to.

i got so many racist jokes straight from the county jail.
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: platinumstorm1 on October 23, 2014, 07:36:06 pm: You know it was a wild night when you raped and murdered someone and can't remember what order the events occurred.

What's the most important part of an ISIS joke?
The execution

I call my dick Oscar Pistorius
It only goes inside for a disappointingly short amount of time.

What has four arms, two legs and howls into the night?
Oscar Pistorius being raped by his cellmate

An insect just flew into my kitchen and exploded
I'm pretty sure it was a Jihaddi long legs

Ever wonder how much you'd have to pay a midget stripper to go up on you?
Small change
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: Michael Myers on October 23, 2014, 11:53:31 pm: Q: What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?

A: I don't have a Ferrari in my basement.

Q: What's the difference between a black person and a bucket full of shit?

A: The bucket.
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: kroz on October 24, 2014, 01:17:11 am: -why do you never gamble in Africa

- cause theres cheetas

----------------------------------

-what do you call a fly with no wings

-a walk
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: Piles of Crack on October 24, 2014, 02:44:14 am: You know why Hitler shot himself?

He got the gas bill.
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: Rook on October 24, 2014, 02:55:54 am: Where do you send a Jew who has ADHD?

... Concentration Camp.

What happens to a Jew when he walks into a wall with a raging hard-on?

... breaks his nose.
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: Rationahl on October 24, 2014, 02:56:23 am: What do you call a nigger hanging from a tree? Alabama windchime

What's the difference between a pizza and a nigger? A pizza can feed a family

What's long, brown, and smells like shit? The unemployment line
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: kroz on October 24, 2014, 03:07:28 am: this is my own original

what is the black ghost's favorite cereal ?

BOO berry!
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: mmmmmmmQuestions on October 24, 2014, 04:47:24 am: haven't read one funny joke in this thread yet, including my own
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: starvingniglet on October 24, 2014, 05:07:03 am: kroz had some good ones.
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: Lanny on October 24, 2014, 06:08:14 am: Did you hear about the moderate liberal?
Spoiler
He was convicted of petty left

Why do Java programmers need glasses?
Spoiler
Because they can't C#
Spoiler
alternative: because the syntax is god awful and will slowly blind anyone who has to read it regularly.

What does a linguist use to post erotic fiction to his bedroom walls?
Spoiler
syntax

Why are there so many brown homeless people in Germany in December?
Spoiler
Because tann'in bums are a common sight there
Title: Re: Post Best/Worst Jokes
Post by: aldra on October 27, 2014, 11:53:52 am: Quote from: Lanny on October 24, 2014, 06:08:14 am
Why do Java programmers need glasses?
Spoiler
Because they can't C#
Spoiler
alternative: because the syntax is god awful and will slowly blind anyone who has to read it regularly.

why do programmers get confused around christmas and halloween?

because OCT31==DEC25