The Sanctuary
Ego => Head Shrinkers => Topic started by: Idiosyncrasy on October 02, 2014, 11:35:25 pm
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We all have our faults. It's time that I expose some of my real-life areas for improvement. Any thoughts on how I can improve myself? These are all things that I have both self-identified and that I've been told by others.
1) I over-analyze things. Though I am an analyst by profession, I over-analyze everything. It's annoying, even to me.
a) I over-complicate things. Related to number 1, but a little different. I almost over-complicated this point with extra detail, like you wouldn't know what I meant.
2) I take things too personally. This used to be that I would get defensive easily, but I have since cut back on the defensiveness. But I still take some things personally.
a) I also care too much about what others think about me, though I've cut down on this a lot.
3) I'm routinely 5 minutes late for work. For some reason, I just can't get my butt out of bed.
Thanks for taking the time. Of course there are a ton of other opportunity areas where I could make myself a better person, but these stick out in my mind at the moment. Feel free to post your own ailments that you would like to have help with improving.
inb4killmyself
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who says you have faults? none of what you mentioned is anything negative or a personality flaw. theyre whats called a personality trait. what you need to do is to learn is how to not give a fuck about what anyone thinks about you...and if they have a problem with any of your personality traits they deserve a good face bashing with the bottom of a shoe. while its attached to your foot
for #3...what kind of shit job do you have where being 5 minutes late is an issue? not that its an issue that needs to be fixed but...set all your clocks back five minutes. problem solved
anyways...if you cant live with yourself...dont. suicide is always an option
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who says you have faults? none of what you mentioned is anything negative or a personality flaw. theyre whats called a personality trait. what you need to do is to learn is how to not give a fuck about what anyone thinks about you...and if they have a problem with any of your personality traits they deserve a good face bashing with the bottom of a shoe. while its attached to your foot
for #3...what kind of shit job do you have where being 5 minutes late is an issue? not that its an issue that needs to be fixed but...set all your clocks back five minutes. problem solved
anyways...if you cant live with yourself...dont. suicide is always an option
Thanks. It seems that what 'they' say is true, where you care less and less as you get older. But I'm still not old enough to where no shits are given, or I just haven't figured it out yet. That's probably a big contributor to number 1 too. If I gave less shits, then I wouldn't over-analyze everything and think about how whatever it is would be perceived.
As for number 3, I work at a corporate place with a lot of politics. My previous boss always said, "it's better to be 30 minutes early than 5 minutes late." My current boss puts a different spin on it, being retired military, but he's cool. The job isn't bad, but I need to figure out how to wake up and stay up. The waking up part isn't hard, but I hit snooze on all my alarms, so I just need to get up and stay up.
Suicide... meh, I'm not depressed by any means. Life is good - I'd just like to make it better, know what I mean? On the topic of it, if anyone reaches the point where they feel suicidal, then let's talk about it. If you can't talk about it here, then where can you talk about it? I had my down moments as an early teen, but they were just cries for attention. I didn't really like the attention I got from it, so that snapped me out of it.
I'm still intrigued by anything else that you and any others have to say.
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We all have our faults. It's time that I expose some of my real-life areas for improvement. Any thoughts on how I can improve myself? These are all things that I have both self-identified and that I've been told by others.
1) I over-analyze things. Though I am an analyst by profession, I over-analyze everything. It's annoying, even to me.
a) I over-complicate things. Related to number 1, but a little different. I almost over-complicated this point with extra detail, like you wouldn't know what I meant.
2) I take things too personally. This used to be that I would get defensive easily, but I have since cut back on the defensiveness. But I still take some things personally.
a) I also care too much about what others think about me, though I've cut down on this a lot.
3) I'm routinely 5 minutes late for work. For some reason, I just can't get my butt out of bed.
Thanks for taking the time. Of course there are a ton of other opportunity areas where I could make myself a better person, but these stick out in my mind at the moment. Feel free to post your own ailments that you would like to have help with improving.
inb4killmyself
Learn how to not think. This is just as important as thinking, and is good to practice daily. Try meditation if you need to. But really just learn how to silence your mind.
Find yourself. Maybe that sounds cliche to you. But really, take some time and figure out who and what you really are deep inside beneath the mask.
Learn how to sleep. I used to have trouble falling asleep and waking up. Somehow I improved it. Try going to bed earlier and eating better and being more active during the day. When you need to wake up, get out of bed. Don't hit snooze.
If you need help, try listening to some Alan Watts lectures or watching The Way of the Peaceful Warrior. PM me too if you need to. I am always here to help you.
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who says you have faults? none of what you mentioned is anything negative or a personality flaw. theyre whats called a personality trait. what you need to do is to learn is how to not give a fuck about what anyone thinks about you...and if they have a problem with any of your personality traits they deserve a good face bashing with the bottom of a shoe. while its attached to your foot
for #3...what kind of shit job do you have where being 5 minutes late is an issue? not that its an issue that needs to be fixed but...set all your clocks back five minutes. problem solved
anyways...if you cant live with yourself...dont. suicide is always an option
Thanks. It seems that what 'they' say is true, where you care less and less as you get older. But I'm still not old enough to where no shits are given, or I just haven't figured it out yet. That's probably a big contributor to number 1 too. If I gave less shits, then I wouldn't over-analyze everything and think about how whatever it is would be perceived.
As for number 3, I work at a corporate place with a lot of politics. My previous boss always said, "it's better to be 30 minutes early than 5 minutes late." My current boss puts a different spin on it, being retired military, but he's cool. The job isn't bad, but I need to figure out how to wake up and stay up. The waking up part isn't hard, but I hit snooze on all my alarms, so I just need to get up and stay up.
Suicide... meh, I'm not depressed by any means. Life is good - I'd just like to make it better, know what I mean? On the topic of it, if anyone reaches the point where they feel suicidal, then let's talk about it. If you can't talk about it here, then where can you talk about it? I had my down moments as an early teen, but they were just cries for attention. I didn't really like the attention I got from it, so that snapped me out of it.
I'm still intrigued by anything else that you and any others have to say.
if over analyzing is what makes your toes curl, then by all means...carry on. anyone that doesnt like it, they can huff the business end of a blowtorch. if you try to change your naturally inclined behavior youre only going to stress yourself. consciously or subconsciously...the stress will have an affect.
get someone in your house to physically throw you out of bed. get the most obnoxious alarm clock you can find and set it up in a different room where youre forced to get up to stop the pain
my view on suicide isnt particularly popular. my outlook is, if someone is so weak willed and doesnt possess the most basic instinct present in all living organisms, i fully encourage them to remove themselves from the gene pool. they will be doing themselves and others...as well as future generations...a great service.
no one should be intrigued my anything i have to say. no one sane, anyways
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you're gonna go ahead and need to designate a good 45 minutes for some self-reflective yogatherapy. I suggest scented candles of your choice arranged in a semi-circle near the area in which you'll be sitting, Indian style. Music of your choice but limited to folk and Western folk. Deep breaths and counting are optional but suggested. Once you get to your happy place you'll need to make a sub-adconscious decision to ingrain that place within your conscious self, and your ability to tap into that will encourage you even in your most concerning of troubles.
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you're gonna go ahead and need to designate a good 45 minutes for some self-reflective yogatherapy. I suggest scented candles of your choice arranged in a semi-circle near the area in which you'll be sitting, Indian style. Music of your choice but limited to folk and Western folk. Deep breaths and counting are optional but suggested. Once you get to your happy place you'll need to make a sub-adconscious decision to ingrain that place within your conscious self, and your ability to tap into that will encourage you even in your most concerning of troubles.
he wasnt asking how to become a homo
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you're gonna go ahead and need to designate a good 45 minutes for some self-reflective yogatherapy. I suggest scented candles of your choice arranged in a semi-circle near the area in which you'll be sitting, Indian style. Music of your choice but limited to folk and Western folk. Deep breaths and counting are optional but suggested. Once you get to your happy place you'll need to make a sub-adconscious decision to ingrain that place within your conscious self, and your ability to tap into that will encourage you even in your most concerning of troubles.
he wasnt asking how to become a homo
god damn it I always get those two mixed up
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We all have our faults. It's time that I expose some of my real-life areas for improvement. Any thoughts on how I can improve myself? These are all things that I have both self-identified and that I've been told by others.
1) I over-analyze things. Though I am an analyst by profession, I over-analyze everything. It's annoying, even to me.
a) I over-complicate things. Related to number 1, but a little different. I almost over-complicated this point with extra detail, like you wouldn't know what I meant.
2) I take things too personally. This used to be that I would get defensive easily, but I have since cut back on the defensiveness. But I still take some things personally.
a) I also care too much about what others think about me, though I've cut down on this a lot.
3) I'm routinely 5 minutes late for work. For some reason, I just can't get my butt out of bed.
Thanks for taking the time. Of course there are a ton of other opportunity areas where I could make myself a better person, but these stick out in my mind at the moment. Feel free to post your own ailments that you would like to have help with improving.
inb4killmyself
Over-analyzers and over-thinkers generally seem to be more left-brained, in my experience. And I see no reason not to play to your strengths when trying to improve neurotic behavior, so why not work at considering your behavior logically? But keep a sense of humor about it, because when you find yourself over-analyzing your over-analytic behavior it will be absurd lol. If it makes you angry when you realize it your progress will be that much harder. Heavy hearts weigh us down, and the cure is simply a light-hearted attitude!
Pay attention to your thought processes. It can be difficult to manage at first, but keep at it and you'll improve over time. It's a skill to be developed. When you do catch yourself doing one of those things in your list, don't react immediately and be like, "Stop that you dumb jerkface!"
Be gentle, calm, and patient. These are qualities that most people prefer to see in their friends, family, lovers, etc. And with your non-judgmental, attentive, light-hearted self, carefully consider your actions. Thoughts are willful and thus a type of action.
"Is what I'm doing helpful?"
"Oh, no, it doesn't seem to be. I can be productive and all that good stuff without being quite so obsessive about it. It's good that I noticed this, but important to remember that everyone is imperfect and there's no reason to beat myself up for making these minor mistakes. I know I'd like to stop that behavior, and this is a small but important step toward making that a reality. Now..."
"How can I better approach this?"
Brevity is the soul of wit, right? Simplicity is often a means out of delusion.
"Is this actually something complicated, or is all of that just in my head?"
If you want us to say more about this stuff, it'd be nice to have some specific examples of what goes on in your head. What are you over-complicating and over-analyzing, exactly?
Obbe was onto something with the meditation thing, and trying to clear your mind of thought is maybe what he's after. To me that seems a little... difficult. It's hard to put these things into words, but in my meditation practice I let thoughts happen as they will (can't seem to 100% turn them off no matter what) but make the conscious decision not to chase them. Let go. Let go.
Other people don't care about you. Especially strangers. You could be the weirdest mother fucker around, and they wouldn't really give you a second glance. Or if they did, they might comment about your weirdness to their friends and then be on their way. Either way it doesn't really affect you in any real way. What does affect you is your own mind, and what you think they might have said. I'm not saying you shouldn't give a fuck what anyone cares, but thinking logically you should know that whatever they do think of you isn't really important.
They're probably worried you think about them, too. And what are you thinking about them? People are nice :)
Sleep. How are you eating? How much sleep are you getting? Any problems sleeping? I suggest a very regular schedule. Be in bed the same time each night no matter what. Drink some magnesium before bedtime:
http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Calm-Raspberry-Lemon-16/dp/B00BPUY3W0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1412305026&sr=8-1&keywords=natural+calm
If you're not wanting to get out of bed, it's entirely possible that you need more sleep :P
Don't sleep in the daytime. Don't use blue-spectrum lights after a certain time (8pm for me). Download f.lux or similar for your computers and cell phones.
mhm
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Wow, awesome posts! I'll have to further analyze some of these points later (see what I did there). Those are actually all very helpful.
I don't really have a great example right now because I try to actively "let go" of things when I realize I'm over-thinking it. I probably read too much into body language and nonverbal cues, though I'm usually pretty accurate. I tell my wife that I can read her like a book and I know when something is bothering her, though that might just be from being with her for so long. I'll see if I can think of some good examples.
I've been told that I'm a pretty calm and patient person (still working on road rage), so hopefully that will carry over to being aware of my thought processes.
The bit you said about strangers is good too. My family has a history of anxiety issues, so maybe that's where I get some of the feelings of constant judgment.
My eating habits aren't that great. I eat a lot of processed foods and fried stuff, bleh. I think I'm of fairly good health, but I could eat better. Sleep: I could use more. I'm a night owl and I never go to bed before midnight, often after 1. I set my first set of alarms for 6:30, so it's not horrible, but more sleep would definitely help. And less caffeine throughout the day.
More to ponder.
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I really recommend getting off of all processed foods. It made a world of difference in my life.
Beyond that, it really sounds like you're doing pretty well with this :)
Just keep it up! Patiently perceiving is always better than hurriedly judging.
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As soon as you wake up, start doing pushups
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I had the same problems.
I got out of that circle by thinking about working in the oil patch in alberta, you live in a tent with your crew (lucky ones get a trailer), you work out in the middle of nowhere in a forested area sometimes 100's of miles from town, you eat the camp food 3 times a day cause that's all there is (you pay for the meals too), the camps are DRY (no alcohol or drugs) and your tent/trailer are searched and tests done randomly. you work 12 hour days with mandatory overtime on weekends. and everyone is an asshole.
I got it made and I think you do too.
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I had the same problems.
I got out of that circle by thinking about working in the oil patch in alberta, you live in a tent with your crew (lucky ones get a trailer), you work out in the middle of nowhere in a forested area sometimes 100's of miles from town, you eat the camp food 3 times a day cause that's all there is (you pay for the meals too), the camps are DRY (no alcohol or drugs) and your tent/trailer are searched and tests done randomly. you work 12 hour days with mandatory overtime on weekends. and everyone is an asshole.
I got it made and I think you do too.
newfie detected
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newfie detected
correct
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newfie detected
correct
Lol, newfies are alright for the most post
tertiary topic: wtf is going on with your own oil? IIRC you can't use it domestically and there are a shitload of tariffs and regulations on it, basically resulting in intl companies making the majority of the loot while newfies are just offshore laborers and people with degrees from other places get the higher level jobs. For all Danny Boys "wez proud newfies standing up to big gubmint now" he kinda took the newfies out of the equation. You've still got Alberta like levels of growth (past few years) but it seems it could be more beneficial
Newfies are good god fearing folk in my book, there's a sexy female:male ratio too. A guy I hated in high school opened a club out there and hasn't been back, lol
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I apologize for things I shouldn’t apologize for. One example, sometimes I apologize to my boss about a disagreement we have (after thinking about it overnight), and he says that it's water under the bridge and that he has forgotten about it. My wife helps keep me in check about some things, and she did yesterday too.
I have a class tonight that revolves mostly around group work. Last week, it went well, but I picked up some vibes that I was a little overbearing in some aspects, but I still think we all gelled well. However, I mentioned to my wife that I feel like I need to apologize to the group in case I was overbearing and that I wasn’t trying to take charge of things too much. This is after we all admitted that we enjoy being in control and can have somewhat dominant personalities when it comes to projects. It was a running half-joke that still had truth.
My wife told me not to apologize. She said that it could make me seem like a push-over, and asked me if I really did anything wrong. I confirmed that I didn’t do anything that would have been intentionally wrongful, so it would be best to just go with it. They probably won’t even remember whatever happened and I was just dwelling on it too much. I also know that over-apologizing can be perceived as weak and lacking self-confidence. Full circle with the over-thinking, over-analyzing again.
How do I improve myself to where I don’t over-think simple interactions, dwell on them, and then knit-pick the situation in my brain to the point of wanting to apologize for something that may only exist in my head?
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Have you considered meditation? It's a very direct practice of quieting the mind, and letting go such thoughts. Requires time and effort, but for many people the results are drastic.
I'm a very neurotic (downright crazy, in the past) person with a penchant for self-destruction, and I've learned that sanity is an active practice. Meditation helped a great deal. When I notice myself feeding into the harmful thoughts in daily life, I stay with my breath for a few moments or focus on relaxing my body. Composure always returns, in time.
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Have you considered meditation? It's a very direct practice of quieting the mind, and letting go such thoughts. Requires time and effort, but for many people the results are drastic.
I'm a very neurotic (downright crazy, in the past) person with a penchant for self-destruction, and I've learned that sanity is an active practice. Meditation helped a great deal. When I notice myself feeding into the harmful thoughts in daily life, I stay with my breath for a few moments or focus on relaxing my body. Composure always returns, in time.
I should try it. Finding some constant quiet time to myself might be a challenge, but it could be good.
My family has a history of anxiety. My mom, dad, and my sister have all been on medications at some point (or still are), and they can be rather... yeah.
Sometimes I have mild anxiety "attacks" if you will, but they are very brief. I'm a strong believer in will-power over medications, so I find ways to deal with it. Sometimes I notice myself feeling anxious, my jaw starts to clench, my eyes dart around, and then I notice that I'm holding my breath. I just make myself slow down, focus on breathing and relaxing, and focus on resuming composure. I've never had an extreme panic attack like others in my family.
It seems like meditation would be similar in that you forget about all the noise in your mind, and just focus on breathing and relaxing.
What about the overwhelming desire to apologize? Would meditation help that?
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I should try it. Finding some constant quiet time to myself might be a challenge, but it could be good.
My family has a history of anxiety. My mom, dad, and my sister have all been on medications at some point (or still are), and they can be rather... yeah.
Sometimes I have mild anxiety "attacks" if you will, but they are very brief. I'm a strong believer in will-power over medications, so I find ways to deal with it. Sometimes I notice myself feeling anxious, my jaw starts to clench, my eyes dart around, and then I notice that I'm holding my breath. I just make myself slow down, focus on breathing and relaxing, and focus on resuming composure. I've never had an extreme panic attack like others in my family.
It seems like meditation would be similar in that you forget about all the noise in your mind, and just focus on breathing and relaxing.
What about the overwhelming desire to apologize? Would meditation help that?
Yeah many psychological issues seem to be influenced by genetics, and anxiety is definitely one of them. "Will-power" is an interesting term, like you're forcefully asserting your will over yourself. It seems a little harsh to me, especially when dealing with anxious neuroticisms. For me, I prefer more of a gentle and brave effort. Everyone is different, though.
Language is powerful.
Would meditation help with a desire to apologize? I think so. A sober mind helps in nearly all aspects of life. There are other things you can try to do, like remaining mindful of your speech. I like the way this meditation instructor said it... "All speech should be sincere, useful, and said with kindness."
That's another fun practice, but it will be difficult to manage without learning to quiet your mind along with it. As you are, it may just be another way to get lost in those self-conscious thoughts.
Try to remember that it's okay to be the way you are. I mean improvement would certainly be a nice thing, but everything will be just fine if you do apologize, don't apologize, or whatever. When you're lying in your death bed, you won't be thinking, "Man, my one regret is that I apologized to my group back in 2014. Why did I do that?"
Everyone makes mistakes. Tons and tons of them. We live and experience the world, imperfect as we are, and then we die. S'all good.
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You're thoughtful, sensitive and require precision to be satisfied with your work. Find people who value these qualities and endear yourself to them despite your issue with punctuality, nothing here really needs fixing.
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I'm a very neurotic (downright crazy, in the past) person with a penchant for self-destruction, and I've learned that sanity is an active practice.
Lol, sigged
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You're thoughtful, sensitive and require precision to be satisfied with your work. Find people who value these qualities and endear yourself to them despite your issue with punctuality, nothing here really needs fixing.
Yeah, don't be a hippy faggot. OP doesn't need to change who he is, but a little tweaking here and there isn't inadmissible. Everyone can and should strive to improve certain aspects of themselves; for self-preservation and comfortability of life.
It seems to be me that Idio's over-analytical disposition hinders his ability to make good social cues. He might interject at the wrong time and fuzz the ongoing conversation. He then subconsciously picks up on this and beats himself up over it either during or on reflection.
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What's good is that you're very self-aware. The fact you've picked up on adverse physiological aspects is a huge step forward (holding ones breath when nervous) and have taught yourself to ground yourself. People who suffer from moderate-to-aggressive anxiety do not really detect this shit and only really notice it when you point it out to them.
One thing you're probably not doing is actually listening to the conversation. You're watching and feeling the movement of the interaction without hearing what people are trying to say. Doing this requires you to lie in wait for your time to speak, so you can prove that you're 'part of the group' and want to help it progress. While your particular mindset is actually progressive, it might jump too far forward for some people and might feel they are left behind. Silences and gaps in conversational think tanking are sometimes just people mulling over the concepts that have just manifested, and you might mistake this for people's inability to comprehend something, so you might chime in and try to complete it, for example.
Your habitual apologising is just a follow on from this. Not wanting to burn bridges and instead create them. If you're picking up you're being too much, 'save' by yours actions and not words. Try not to steal people's mental build up and instead cater and contribute to it. If someone is struggling find a word for something, do it for them and go back to listening to them rounding it off.
In terms of your diligence: "I need to figure out how to wake up and stay up."
Do you eat breakfast? If so, what?
On the subject, your diet is huge factor to your mental stability and cognition. Do this: One day, eat a pizza or some other junk, and observe how your mood etc slowly completely depletes, compared to if you've eaten something far healthier, which might contain white meat, salad, vegetables and sweet potatoes. The comparison is highly enriching and eye-opening if you've never put two and two together before.
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Have you considered meditation? It's a very direct practice of quieting the mind, and letting go such thoughts. Requires time and effort, but for many people the results are drastic.
I'm a very neurotic (downright crazy, in the past) person with a penchant for self-destruction, and I've learned that sanity is an active practice. Meditation helped a great deal. When I notice myself feeding into the harmful thoughts in daily life, I stay with my breath for a few moments or focus on relaxing my body. Composure always returns, in time.
I should try it. Finding some constant quiet time to myself might be a challenge, but it could be good.
My family has a history of anxiety. My mom, dad, and my sister have all been on medications at some point (or still are), and they can be rather... yeah.
Sometimes I have mild anxiety "attacks" if you will, but they are very brief. I'm a strong believer in will-power over medications, so I find ways to deal with it. Sometimes I notice myself feeling anxious, my jaw starts to clench, my eyes dart around, and then I notice that I'm holding my breath. I just make myself slow down, focus on breathing and relaxing, and focus on resuming composure. I've never had an extreme panic attack like others in my family.
It seems like meditation would be similar in that you forget about all the noise in your mind, and just focus on breathing and relaxing.
What about the overwhelming desire to apologize? Would meditation help that?
Fuck apologizing. If you feel the need to apologize...dont. think it over for a day or two and post the situation here. Someone is sure to provide adequate advice
As far as the apology to your group friends that one is easy: hell no...you don't need to apologize to them
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Thanks folks, it's like you're in my head! Most of what you guys said has a lot of truth.
As for breakfast, I usually have a cup of coffee with non-dairy creamer around 8:00 or so, and then another a little before 10:00.
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We all have our faults. It's time that I expose some of my real-life areas for improvement. Any thoughts on how I can improve myself? These are all things that I have both self-identified and that I've been told by others.
1) I over-analyze things. Though I am an analyst by profession, I over-analyze everything. It's annoying, even to me.
a) I over-complicate things. Related to number 1, but a little different. I almost over-complicated this point with extra detail, like you wouldn't know what I meant.
2) I take things too personally. This used to be that I would get defensive easily, but I have since cut back on the defensiveness. But I still take some things personally.
a) I also care too much about what others think about me, though I've cut down on this a lot.
3) I'm routinely 5 minutes late for work. For some reason, I just can't get my butt out of bed.
Thanks for taking the time. Of course there are a ton of other opportunity areas where I could make myself a better person, but these stick out in my mind at the moment. Feel free to post your own ailments that you would like to have help with improving.
inb4killmyself
:oface: Dude... You Hijacked my life!!!
You should have asked me for it, it would have given it to ya with a warning :facepalm: Or better yet.. hijack someone else's life
Really, this is so familiar it's creepy
Then again here's a few things i picked up underway (for whatever it's worth)...
1) A thing a former manager (the only one who ever managed to manage me so... the guy knew his job) of mine taught me:
Whenever jou suddenly find yourself (over)analyzing something, stop and analyze your analysys. If it's something useful (like analyzing a realistic potential problem, figuring out something that seems wrong or satisfying your curiosity), continue. If not, or if the effort needed is greeater than the potential reward, stop, recovder and refocus.
It's a bit abstract, but i found training this principle works quite well really. In work AND private life.
1a) I know... and it sucks big time... I'm like that too... take some huge detour with often ingenious solutions for a problem that only required a wheel. It's annoying but i console myself with the few times this actually leads to a genuinely new solution.
2) Somethhing i learnt from my therapist is to objectify fact from interpretation. Analyse the points of critique and use your analyzing skills to see if there's any point to them. Usually you'll find that it's well intended and/or useful. Dont focus on who said what words in what time and in what manner cos that's just one possible subjective interpretation.
2a) There's another one of these things that seriously helped messing my life up.... I cut down on it specially in the number of people who'se opinion of me i find interesting or relevant. There's no way of pleasing everyone (only socipaths can do that). And if you wonder what people you do care about are thinking, just ask. You may find they think you're actually a generally ok person.
Besides people form opinions about people and gossip all the time. That's just a reality of placing humans in a group.
3) I soooooooooooo know that feeling. You just need to buy a faster car. Things improved dramatically for me when i traded in my fiat for an alfa romeo... went from constant ly between 5 and 10 minutes late to anywhere between 5 minutes early to 2 minutes late (which doesn't count as being late. For some bizarre reason, i even managed to avoid being ticketed.
PS prepared this some time ago, so maybe some of these things are already covered above... if so, my humble apologies
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tl;dr
fucking mudfarmer