I watched it happen
4-13 times
so X days ago (X=1 this is an extremely linear story until later as you will see) I went to the hospital, where in the waiting room, I looked at the front page of the paper and realized someone I'd drank with a few times and literally played "Dr. Mario" with was charged with a relatively public murder/missing persons case. I read the name the day before but didn't recognize the last name + first name but after seeing him coming out of court I couldn't fucking believe it.
Then I was told by a specialist that I'm going to eventually need surgery that will leave me incapacitated for 3 months. Then he said I need to be taking tramodol and celebrex in addition to the other fake heroin I'm prescribed. Got X rays. Dr. I saw was a weirdo, didn't like him, I can't believe he has kids.
Then I went to school, dropped my bag off, decided to call this girl instead of going to class. Ate a shwarma and called her to tell her I'm coming over now as opposed to in a few hours when class is over. Went to her apart and within 3 minutes she was all "I was just about to have a shower…." so I was like "ok lets go" so we did the shower thing for a bit but a standard apartment tub/shower combo is far from optimal so I was like "k lets go to the bedroom fuck this." She tried to play with my asshole or something too while sucking me off and I told her no but she didn't let up as much as she should have and I almost flipped on her.
So we went to bedroom and she basically tried to fuck me like a dyke since she's used to girls and bitch niggas. Could go into detail I'll just say there was a lot of nipple sucking although she didn't seem to mind the hair. Her hair is fucking awesome too. She tried to trick me into eating her pussy and I just human + eskimo kissed it and she got the message. When she realized I ain't the average savage and she can't even ride proper without me hitting her uterem walls or whatever she was like "omg." The other time we fucked I was holding off hard to try to stealth fuck her into catching feelings. So I just fucking ruined her. Like actually ruined her, she went through changes. Details are not necessary but the moral of the story is, she came and I didn't. She kept getting the side/stomach pains and tapped out like 20 minutes after she came when I got tired and told her to ride me again and she couldn't do the slav squat proper. I asked her if she was ok like 3 times when it looked like she was in pain from le deepness. Basically she was used to getting fucked by girls and bitch niggas so the melding of our paradigms broke her. Her mouth is too small to suck dick proper, teeth keep getting involved.
Tl Dr: After too fucking long I said "fuck it don't worry girl" or something similar. She goes right for the mouth after sucking my dick which is pretty hawt. So she literally felt bad I didn't come and looked at my dick with admiration, lust and sympathy. but I said it doesn't happen all the time cuz I'm special and stuff, don't worry girl. I only took 5mgs of ritalin that day and no dilaudid too, wtf. So we hung out naked for a while and talked while listening to some shitty music that might as well have been the radio. She offered to make me food but I said I had to get back to school to study because I have 2 exams this week (even though I only really have 1 I just didn't want to stick around). I could literally get her to kill her own father, I think she's really into me, kept going on about me and trying to kiss me with her small mouf. I think she's in luv but didn't want to "lose what we have" by being all meta about it. Really there were like 3 "moments" over the 4 hour timespan that I was there where I felt particularly good and they were only seconds long. After I left I felt better tbh and remembered how I carry the mark of something undetermined and how I've always been keenly aware of this. There were only like 2 times when I was "in the moment" too, most other times I'd be comparing her to other girls or thinking about numbers because autism. She literally called me "long and strong." What a whore. The best moment was when I remembered how "special" (read: autistic) I am, but specialness can mean getting a rare disease. I got a rare one and it's constantly mutating.
You could say it's unstable
So I left, walked through le hood for a second, got on a bus like a pleb and went back to school where I went to the gym and fantasized about this vaguely lebanese girl who was in there. I couldn't help but stare at her and I think I caught her staring at me, probably because I was constantly staring at her. She looked like she had traces of an ex in her face before the leb took over. I started describing her and erased it because curse. I invented a backstory where her white father was a king or something similar in some durka durka country and fucked a leb girl out of wedlock, banishing her to the civilized world with an education. Now she's training in the gym to return to her homeland and retake her rightful place on the throne. She's literally a determined warrior princess. 10/10 would pay her to spit in my face and call me a male sharmoota. She's probably not even a leb.
Then I showered, couldn't stop thinking about that girl, text the girl I fucked periodically. I think she's hypnotized. Then I called my brother up and told him I'm going to the bar he lives/contributes to the degeneracy of where I ate a philly cheese steak and we played a bunch of games of pool. He was trying to get with some 30 something french woman, lol. I literally go in bars and drink cranberry juice. Last time I was there a waitress asked me to guess her age and I guessed 26. She's 23. I made her laugh so I don't think she's mad at me, lol. She looks good for a hipster too. Anyways, my brother contributed to the degeneracy a bit then he drove me home with this guy from colorado who told me something called "thorium" is the answer to everything. Apparently it's like plutonium that doesn't need to be heated and they discontinued it in 1968 or something. I should really "not a source" this thorium stuff. Then we discussed a wood shop teacher we had in jr high who was obviously a racist pedophile. Then I got home and called my old man and he told me he ran into the parents of some ol friends of mine and that was good
Then I tried to study and couldn't stop thinking of that girl in the gym, even though I texted that other girl after literally fucking her in the afternoon and thought much more about the girl in the gym than her. The girl I fucked isn't even close to ugly/fat or anything either, lol, she just looks too "cute" and "stupid" for me. Plus she can't make me cum and has an insufficient uterus.
So I jacked off while thinking about girl in the gym/waiting porn
Now I typed this and I'm going to study 4 exam. Didn't even proofread cuz I typed this from my heart
I wonder if any of the 2 people who read this are going to dispute any part of it. That would be depressing. I am a cringey contrived internet persona after all because sometimes I'm not self deprecating and spent the majority of my life forging degenerate relationships to get the sense of "home" and "family" that were lacking in my adolescence, which is basically what everyone does to an extent. I need to engineer a scenario where I can talk to that girl in the gym, I think she's in the same program as me but a few years ahead. I consumed 3 protein bars, 1 granola bar and an apple. I don't even know, sometimes I feel I have objective proof I'm some sort of deity. I feel kinda shitty though so I just had a shower and now feel slightly better. I have to work with that girl on the weekend, that is going to be weird. I forever changed her perception of dick and now we have to do mundane activities together. I bet the girl in the gym just has a student loan or something so lives off so she can ride vibes for months on end.
I just listened to this song at least 5 times. By at least 5 times I mean as I'm typing this I'm listening to it for the 6th time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rghRRD4mCn4It was made in my soul and is basically a part of me. Can't even believe it. It's like one of those songs that existed inside you before you heard it. Strangely, another song I felt that way about was "the whole world" by outkast and killamike who's a member of RTJ. That's pretty weird actually. I think I have the soul of an obese black hipster. He's from Atlanta and wears toques. It would explain so much. I don't wear chains though, I disapprove of them on a ideological level.
Day after (today) I got a $100 massage and bought $200 worth of vitamins to helpfully prevent further degeneration of my bones/soul. I texted two people today to tell them to listen to run the jewels but it turned out they only wanted degenerate things. Fuck them, no christmas
I don't even know why I bother to post this shit here, you cowardly faggots don't smoke metaphorical crack, I just need to type things sometimes and have nowhere else to post it. Katsung47 knows what I'm talking about.
Not one word of this is true you depressing fucking losers, jesus christ kill yourselves, I'm in a much less tolerant mood than yesterday as you can tell.
I'll probably add more later. I'm either whimsical or cynical all the time.
end transition
