honestly people that talk about offing themselves constantly need to seek help or get to stepping and actually do it other wise it's just attention seeking pity parties
*shrugs* Sometimes people just need to talk things out. Also, OP is already getting help.
@OP: Your feelings seem par for the course if you have any sort of chronic depression (and you do), assuming what you feel is an unreasonable depression, i.e. depression that will not go away no matter how you try to think it through. I find good music is helpful to distract yourself with at least a little. Also, practice that meditation! Practice, practice, practice. Once you get good at it, you should be able to call on it regularly to clear your mind of any worry or doubt or sadness.