Ramfuk
don't listen to all these shitheads. wear jeans and a tshirt. blend in.
In America, where everyone looks like shit all the time. Dunno where this guy lives. I guess I'll do a long post because I just read an amusing book and it put me in a good mood.
How to dress like Ramfuk (who is a massive fag for caring about this topic)
Things an adult male should never wear:
- Hats (obviously unless it is part of a uniform, in which case this advice will probably not be absorbed anyway, or unless it is functional, like you are in Antarctica and you have ears, not like it serves a function as a female attractant, which it does not, and if it does, don't do it she has AIDS)
- T-shirts (T-shirts are sleepwear. If you insist on wearing a t-shirt, it should not have any text, logos, or images, because they are never clever or funny. It should also not be white, unless your house is on fire and you ran outside. It should also fit you and not be even slightly larger than your size. Note that if it has a collar, people will probably assume you are gay; at least, I will.)
- Shorts (There is a reason old people call them "short pants," and why they are worn by British schoolboys: They were not considered adult attire
until recently. Again, they may be part of a uniform if you can't help it. Swimming shorts/trunks should not be loose. Anyone who wears cargo shorts deserves to have a grenade dropped into a pocket or five. So, remember that when you are wearing shorts, it's pretty much like wearing a superhero costume or a princess crown. Note that if you do adopt this perspective, being in public will become a bit weirder.)
- Wifebeaters as an outer garment (If you do this, all hope is already lost.)
- Pajamas in public (includes slippers, you know people do this, it's baffling)
- Really tight or loose jeans (There are lots of sharp-looking jeans for comparable or slightly higher prices than dumpy-ass plain ugly Levis that look like grain satchels. To find them, hold your breath and go to any mall. One store is H&M; Express has a men's store with more expensive items. There are lots of others depending on where you are.)
- Camouflage anything (unless you are actually holding a weapon and trying to blend in with your surroundings in order to kill people (Do not do this unless you are in the military and somebody told you to))
- Sunglasses: aviators (unless you are a pilot), wraparounds (this screams 'NASCAR'), or the kind that looks like a bunch of stupid shiny colors. No weird shapes. Also, John Lennon's sunglasses died with him.
- Tennis shoes, sneakers, whatever you call them (These are for playing sports. Even sports players, after they have played their sports and are going out for the evening, do not wear these to a restaurant. Because they have money.)
WARNING: DO NOT PEACOCK. YOU ARE NOT A PUA. NOBODY IS A PUA, THERE ARE NO PUAS, THERE ARE ONLY DOUCHEBAGS. DO NOT PEACOCK. NO GOGGLES. Warning over
ADDITIONAL WARNING: YOUR PARTICULAR FEDORA OR TRILBY IS NOT EXEMPT FROM THE HAT RULE. NEVER, NEVER, EVER WEAR ONE OF THESE UNLESS YOU ARE INVOLVED IN A PRODUCTION OF
DEATH OF A SALESMAN IN WHICH CASE YOU ARE ALSO EXEMPT FROM THE T-SHIRTS-WITH-COLLARS RULE. PEOPLE CONTINUE TO DO THIS. Warning over
People like to be comfortable. That's cool. But I don't know how anyone can feel comfortable when they look like they literally don't know what they're wearing. Like it was random, like they woke up and felt comfortable so they decided to go to the store. God I hate this fucking country. Ok I'm not trying to beat you up here. Fuck this country.
Some additional tips:
- Wear boxer briefs. They feel better and keep your danglies in order. No more boxers or white briefs. Boxer briefs also seem to be designed to make you appear more attractive right before sex, if that's something you do.
- Your haircut is just as important as the clothes you're wearing. No hair dye or bleach or whatever, no highlights or tips if people still even do that ~*~ '90s kid ~*~. No long hair, sorry. I cut mine off after not caring about it and letting it grow for a long time. Trust me, no long hair. Just trust me. Repeat after me: no long hair, alright, no long hair.
- No facial hair unless you can rock it. I don't like it at all, but I do have to admit that there are some bad-ass bearded psychos out there, such as someone who might, for example, be featured on Alaskan State Troopers. If your facial hair isn't growing fully, is not thick, and looks like a 10-year-old Mexican's moustache, shave it. You must shave. Do.
I hope this helps and yes I'm a huge faggot for caring about my appearance and by the way I wasn't implying that you do wear a fedora or anything and by the way I used to look like shit. In middle school I actually wore an Adidas shirt, which is pretty fucking gay. So remember: If you look better than someone else, you
are better than someone else. Not really, but probability is in your favor.
Important: You can look good by dressing simply. A good-looking long-sleeved plain shirt that fits you, some plain leather (or veganfag) shoes, with decent jeans and a haircut that suits you are all you need in a casual setting. If you are a buttoned-shirt noob, know that there are shirts with buttons that are designed to be tucked in and there are shirts that are significantly shorter. Wearing a buttoned shirt untucked when it's supposed to be tucked looks really fucking weird.
Oh yeah, no trench coats. Or puffy ghetto coats.
Final repetition: Everything must fit you well.
Oh yeah, and that book I mentioned, coincidentally, was
this.
Ramfuk
