I just broke though on DMT. It was the most incredible experience of my life, and I have no memory of what happened. Though that after I came out of it and opened my eyes. I think it was noted how often people said that in The Spirit Molecule, or it may have been a Terrance McKenna talk I listened to. I was on pot and etizolam, which definitely would have promoted amnesiac effects, although I did take nicotine for the cognitive benefit.
Definitely going back there in a better state, not on cannabis and etizolam, and hoping I can bring back memories. Right now, there's the mood lift I've noticed a DMT session gives me afterward for a prolonged period, but it just feels so empty to not remember any of it. I also forgot to have my phone record, but I don't give a shit if I was screaming and making weird noises. Although it doesn't seem I was. Was just sitting cross legged on the bathroom floor in front of the sink w/ cabinet near the closed door and was in the same position afterward with no injuries or aches.
Setting: After a hot shower with the heater on and finishing the aftercare. Who feels bad after a hot shower on a cold day? Then there's the positive effect water has on your state of mind, your brain, which there's research for. After post-shower duties I made sure everything was perfectly safe and used my heat gun vape, with the DMT on some already vaped bud and the heat turned higher than before so it would vaporize quickly. Unplugged the vape, set the other part apart, then just sat down, opened the hose valve, and pressed on the bag to get vapor in quickly, which I didn't find uncomfortable. I'm not sure if I felt anything particularly odd after the second hit, at most it felt mild, but then the third and final hit and I was just there.
I only have a vague memory of being hit by a rapid, an immensely powerful and unrelenting, barrage of
something. Images, experiences, knowledge? It was almost like being on a incredible universal or technological roller coaster and being propelled constantly against an unbelievable amount of panes, running into and taking each one in, and each being awe inspiring, profound. There may have been a large face in front of me in at one point while going backwards on the "roller coaster", possibly sinister looking, but I felt no fear and it may have just had a naturally fierce powerful face, without the negative emotions. Damn I wish I could remember what it was.
Hahaha, fuck you Gollum! I'm definitely going back there! I will train to remember and master the trip if necessary, along with looking into powerful memory forming/preserving drugs. From now on I'll have all my at home psychedelic sessions start while beginning to shower with the heater on. And the HGV is the best damn method for inhaling DMT. I'm going to take more melatonin than usual as part of my sleep stack, hope it comes back to me in dreams, or I have the fabled experience of taking DMT in a dream and having the actual experience. Hopefully bits will return, maybe in subsequent breakthroughs. Definitely gonna need to start an extract project for my use.
Yeah malice I get what you're saying, no glass fractal temples or goddesses or any of that. Just nothingness. I feel ayahuasca would be better for this though, it's a more navigable space. DMT is too chaotic for what I want out of it.
You know, you can just plug it or snort it and the duration will be about an hour, although it would be best if you turned freebase (extractions are freebase) into a salt, which can be very easily done with only white vinegar. Like a mini ayahuasca trip. You could even add a common monoamine oxidase inhibitor, like b caapi or syrian rue, easily obtainable, and it would become more ayahuasca like, although it would last longer than rectal alone.
Have you read Under the Bell Jar? It's Plath's best work IMO but also def her most depressing sans a few short stories that may be harder hitting but don't have the volume/length to hit home as much as Bell Jar does. A peripheral member in this community (toraron) introduced me to Plath and to this day I think she's my favorite English language authors. I'm convinced that if you have a depressive personality Under the Bell Jar will make your life, at minimum, more comfortable. It exposed, to me at least, the sublime beauty of the hopeless soul. It exposes how when every thing is bad somehow there's an aesthetic beauty in that that transcends the traditional sense of self, and for some at least, show how suffering is actually the greatest aesthetic pleasure there is idk i dont really know what im saying but read her shiut Plath is a genius and you'd like her
You should try DMT. I would (not) give you some in exchange for allowing me to trip sit you in a cloak and mask at a convenient location for you. Only lasts 5 minutes and you're rapidly near baseline. I would rather experiment with drugs and technology instead, I've never been impressed with the thoughts of any human I've read, nowadays I generally have low expectations for almost everything, but she's on my reading list.
Damn that would have been fucking sweet if I had remembered. It's bizarre, like reaching the peak of mount everest and instantly forgetting the entire event. Well, something more exciting than that, more intense with the total duration far shorter, and occurring entirely in your mind in the safety of your apartment with barred windows. I'm glad to know I have the potential in me.
