I have found it, the ultimate GABAergic:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PhenylethylidenehydrazineKnew about it before since it's a metabolite of Nardil/phenelzine. Researched all other gaba-t inhibitors, which would have been more readily available, and none turned out to be acceptable candidates.
9 years ago a like minded person had the same idea, they even bought pure MAOI powder like I did:
http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl?post=/babble/20050921/msgs/558107.html#558107Unscheduled:
http://www.lookchem.com/NewSell/memberproductdetail.aspx?spid=5585823#.VGXiWPnF8a4I think I remember seeing someone on one of the subreddits I read or a forum (longecity) mention it, then a vendor responding that they'd look into possibly stocking it. I won't be able to find it, if I'm even remembering correctly, I've already tried. This is what MAOIs are to standard antidepressants, a far more effective method of treating anxiety lacking the significant drawbacks. Combine this with rectal parnate and you are golden.
I'm at the end of my rope. Nowhere left to go, nobody that cares. I either need a gun or enough heroin. I'm just tired of this life.
Welcome to the club, you've been here many times before. Considering how rapidly your mood has changed in the past, I doubt you really mean it.
Been clean for a little while and my mom offered to set me up in an apartment near the local college so I could finish my associates degree and support myself. Then about 20 min later she got fired from her job she's had for 15 years.
Damn, karma fucking bitch slapped your ass.
Anyway, if you really feel that bad, try Nardil. If you really don't want to live then you'll still want to even under its effects. What do you have to lose? May as well give anything a shot rather than going out like a complete coward. You could even try to pull off a major crime and blow your brains out if you fail.