I'm not sure where to begin.
Arnox, you're a good guy. I think you're feeling a little bit of admin's remorse. You've put a lot of effort into this site and I understand that you want all the cards to fall as planned. But please understand that a community forum is a living, breathing, and most importantly changing organism. I don't mean to imply that you are doing this, but we cannot control the thoughts or the behavior at large of the user-base. You can influence, and you are in a great position to be of influence, but not everyone will react in the way you had planned. I know there are rules, but unless someone is seriously disrupting the flow of the site, then sometimes we just need to let it go.
So what is key to being successful? In my opinion, it is to never lose your cool. I can tell that you are restraining yourself, which is good, but I try to never respond to something immediately if it gets my emotions going. Participating in discussion is good; I'm not saying not to do that. Sometimes I just have to step away from the keyboard before responding.
To everyone else, I expect you to be doing what you are doing. I'm not saying that Arnox is entirely in the wrong, but speaking up like you have been means that you care, and I like that. There is no reason that people can't discuss touchy subjects, especially about the core of their own self.
That being said, Arnox can only provide the framework of this place. The community is not this website, just as the church is not its building. We, the users, are the community. I want you to continue being vocal about things about which you are passionate, but keep your expectations in check. You will only get out of something what you put in it. There are outliers, meaning some put in more than they get, and some get more than they put in, but generally we have to manage ourselves as a community.
This is a touchy area for leadership. The role of leadership is to motivate. Rarely is the role to intervene and discontinue an activity because the community is like the market. Outside of a few enforced regulations, it will, and needs to be allowed to, manage itself.
So where does that leave the community? Your role is to engage. Engage however you can, however you want. Test the boundaries (you're good at this), but be observant. We don't need to stop and have round table discussions all the time about the mechanics of how to discuss. Just do it.
I'm not sure where to end or if I even said anything. The great thing is, you can challenge me. Just don't do it in an immature way. I love logical discussion, and that is what will win here. Challenge what we know or think we know. Push others. Push yourself.