Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

[Idiosyncrasy]

Today, October 15th, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is a day of remembrance for pregnancy loss and infant death, which includes but is not limited to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or the death of a newborn. It is observed annually in the United States and Canada and, in recent years, in the United Kingdom and in the Australian States of Western Australia and New South Wales, in Italy on behalf of a charity named Piccoli Angeli[1] on October 15.

The day is observed with remembrance ceremonies and candle-lighting vigils, concluding with the International Wave of Light, a worldwide lighting of candles at 7:00 p.m.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pregnancy_and_Infant_Loss_Remembrance_Day

A few may remember from totse2, my wife and I experienced two unsuccessful pregnancies in 2011.  I made a fairly large series of posts detailing our story on totse2, which I can share here if anyone is interested.  We now have a wonderful 2-year-old boy and we are expecting another boy in January, but these were some rough times for us.

My wife is currently 26 weeks pregnant.  A close friend of ours would have been 24 weeks pregnant this week.  She found out last week that she lost her baby somewhere between 20 weeks and 23 weeks.  What she recently had to experience, I wish on not even my worst enemy.

A lot of people don't understand what it is like to lose a child, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, or death of a newborn.  For those who experience this, especially the mothers, the isolation can be deafening.  The feelings of guilt, helplessness, and misunderstanding can drive people to feel silenced.  I would like to break the silence today as we remember our angels that we could never hold or only held for a short time.

Another resource is http://www.october15th.com, but they are experiencing some interrupted service right now with peak traffic.

[Max Headroom]

RIP anencepheliac nick coke, you might have been born with just a brainstem but you taught me how to life without pepsi.

[starvingniglet]

What exactly did you expect by posting this here? 

I'm not even going to do anything, I mean, I like low hanging fruit, but this is ridiculous

[Idiosyncrasy]

What exactly did you expect by posting this here? 

I'm not even going to do anything, I mean, I like low hanging fruit, but this is ridiculous

I expect nothing but the finest wordsmanship and utmost sincerity when I post here.
/sarcasm

No worries, I've seen my share of dead baby jokes, abortion jokes, and the like.  I know there are people out there who feel alone, so I'm just putting this out there to let them know they are not alone.  Who knows, it might help one person who is too scared to get real here.  If not, it at least gave you something to read for 10 seconds.

After all, if you are afraid to share your experiences here, then what are you doing here?

[Ninja]

After all, if you are afraid to share your experiences here, then what are you doing here?

I agree.  Just be real and do your thing.

[equanimity]

Really sorry for your loss, Idio, and thanks for sharing this with us.  It isn't something most people think about very often, but experiences like these can really destroy a person.  These things happen more often than a lot of people realize, too.

Talking about difficult things when you're sure to be misunderstood is a brave thing to do, and hopefully the more people share the closer we all come to understanding each other.  In situations like these, my words always feel empty.  There isn't really anything you can say that might help make a person feel better.

I'd read your story if you shared it.

[DaGuru]

My wife and I lost our second son to SIDS just before he turned 4 months old. In all these years after, I had never heard of this Remembrance Day....and while usually our family really doesn't get much out of this kind of thing, I can see where others would find some comfort and solace from it. Thanks for sharing, Idio, much obliged! Thoughts and prayers to your family as well.   

Its also why I've lost any and all patience for lousy parents or especially those that abandon their kinds....and why I rage with no regret or limitation at these kind of disgusting people. Like the poster above me that spews such empty bullshit and milquetoast feel good tripe, this piece of garbage needs to be tortured and die a slow agonizing death. There are so many wonderful, stable and loving couples out there that have suffered the worst loss a person can feel....yet so many scumbags take their kids for granted and soil this society with their selfishness and obliviousness. 

[Idiosyncrasy]

Really sorry for your loss, Idio, and thanks for sharing this with us.  It isn't something most people think about very often, but experiences like these can really destroy a person.  These things happen more often than a lot of people realize, too.

Talking about difficult things when you're sure to be misunderstood is a brave thing to do, and hopefully the more people share the closer we all come to understanding each other.  In situations like these, my words always feel empty.  There isn't really anything you can say that might help make a person feel better.

I'd read your story if you shared it.

Thanks.  I'll round up the story and post it.  It's a pretty decent wall of text that exposes a bit of my personal life, but it helped me to get it out there, and maybe it'll help others.

My wife and I lost our second son to SIDS just before he turned 4 months old. In all these years after, I had never heard of this Remembrance Day....and while usually our family really doesn't get much out of this kind of thing, I can see where others would find some comfort and solace from it. Thanks for sharing, Idio, much obliged! Thoughts and prayers to your family as well.   

Its also why I've lost any and all patience for lousy parents or especially those that abandon their kinds....and why I rage with no regret or limitation at these kind of disgusting people. Like the poster above me that spews such empty bullshit and milquetoast feel good tripe, this piece of garbage needs to be tortured and die a slow agonizing death. There are so many wonderful, stable and loving couples out there that have suffered the worst loss a person can feel....yet so many scumbags take their kids for granted and soil this society with their selfishness and obliviousness. 

Thanks DaGuru, thoughts and prayers to you and your family as well.  I hope you have had some support around you over the years since that is what has helped us and our friend the most.

I feel you on the rage.  Sometimes it's hard to understand the balance of the universe with these things.  Someone who used to work for my wife got knocked up (I say "knocked up" because that is really what it was) at age 17.  It was a fling, so the baby's father is not in her life.  This child (referring to the 17-year-old) refuses to get help to finish her GED or hold down a job, and has made some other poor decisions.  Well, she's 18 now, and pregnant with twins, from a different partner, who is also not around.  It's difficult to face situations like this where unfit parents are "cursed" in their mind with children, when people like my friend are great parents who want kids, or would make great parents, yet they suffer a loss or are not able to have children.

[DaGuru]

Thanks DaGuru, thoughts and prayers to you and your family as well.  I hope you have had some support around you over the years since that is what has helped us and our friend the most.

I feel you on the rage.  Sometimes it's hard to understand the balance of the universe with these things.  Someone who used to work for my wife got knocked up (I say "knocked up" because that is really what it was) at age 17.  It was a fling, so the baby's father is not in her life.  This child (referring to the 17-year-old) refuses to get help to finish her GED or hold down a job, and has made some other poor decisions.  Well, she's 18 now, and pregnant with twins, from a different partner, who is also not around.  It's difficult to face situations like this where unfit parents are "cursed" in their mind with children, when people like my friend are great parents who want kids, or would make great parents, yet they suffer a loss or are not able to have children.

Forgot to add in my last post, please keep us up to date on your wife's current pregnancy. Keeping my fingers crossed all goes well this time.

Yeah, we did have lots of support....and sometimes it was from people we least suspected that were barely an active part of our lives. At the same time, we even lost a few relationships along the way, as I think because people didn't know how to deal with their own discomfort of the situation they avoided us to some extent. Treated us like pariahs in a way. If nothing else it did give us a better indication of who our REAL close friends/family were....and years later we were able to reassess who the actual quality people were in our lives.

I hear you on your frustration and rage witnessing other people in your life having kids so easily, and having such a sickening feeling towards the lousy people/parents (if you can call them parents) that start having them. My wife's nephew  and his wife is a great example of that, both of them were substandard people to begin with.....but as parents they fail miserably. The kind of people that go to a BBQ or other family gathering and totally ignore their kids thinking everyone else will watch them, all the while they are out back smoking, drinking, just having a wonderful carefree time pretending they have no responsibilities at all.

They have 3 kids now, and most of the world knew they were unfit after the first one. And the kids have already suffered to varying degrees because of their selfishness and irresponsibility. When their oldest son was around 5, they had some 13 year old boy babysitting him a couple blocks down...in a neighborhood they had literally moved into just a couple of weeks before. A little while later they found out the kid was molesting their son. This is the same child who around between the ages of 1 or 2 was taking sips from their beer...because they thought it was funny and cool. Yet our kid dies all because we put him down to sleep one day...life truly isn't fair.

A great poignant quote I learned from one of the grieving handbooks, may or may not put it all into perspective....

"You can do absolutely everything right, and sometimes the child will still die. Just like you can do everything wrong, and sometimes the child will still thrive".

It may not help or explain any of this hurt and unfairness in the world, but does kinda summarize everything quite succinctly. Truly a bitter pill to swallow if ever there was one.

[Idiosyncrasy]

Originally posted on Totse2

A Search for Life - Pregnancy and Miscarriages


Originally posted November 23, 2011

This will be a small series to tell my story. Let's start with some background information. Feel free to interject.

 --

 My wife and I first met way back in our sophomore year in high school in 2003, when we were 15 years old. We met at a “Color's Day” dance, which is basically a Valentine's Day dance. Neither of us went with a date, but I'm glad we didn't.

 When I first arrived at the dance, I was waiting with a friend for a few other friends to arrive. As it still often happens, someone came in who my friend knew and I didn't. A girl came in and knew him. She stopped and they talked for a few moments, and then she went on inside. Although she still does not believe me, right after she went in, I turned to my friend and said something along the lines of, "Hey, she's pretty cute." Who would have known that I just saw my future wife.

 The dance went on just like a normal awkward teenage high school dance does - rarely anybody danced and most people just stood there and looked at each other. I tried to make my rounds and dance with people because life is just too boring if you don't cut loose. We had a few of the same friends, which is part of the way that we came to be.

 She needed to make a phone call, but as reliable as cell phone service was then, her phone did not get any reception at the dance. She asked a mutual friend if she had a phone she could use, but much to her dismay, she did not. That friend, however, did remember that I had a cell phone, and she recommended that she asks me to use my phone because I was a "nice guy." Here I was, minding my own business, and she came over to me and said, "Hey, do you have a phone I could use real quick?' I said, "Sure!" She used it, returned it, and the dance went on as usual.

 Later than night, I was online when a friend sent me an instant message. She told me that one of her friends likes me or thinks I'm cute or something like that. She said that her friend wanted her to ask me to the Sadie Hawkins dance, which was coming up the following month. In case you don't know, Sadie Hawkins is where the shoe is on the other foot and it's the girls' turn to ask the guys. I told that friend that her friend would need to ask me herself.

 A few moments later, I get an instant message from her. We talked for a little bit and she mentioned that she was the one who borrowed my phone that evening. Eventually, she asked me to the Sadie Hawkins dance, and I said that I would love to go with her.

 We talked some more that night and got to know each other. We talked on the phone, started hanging out more at school, and started dating a little bit, unofficially. Our first "date" was to a movie, which I had to pick. I didn't know what she was in to, and she asked me what I liked, so I rattled off a few movies. I mentioned Darkness Falls because I like scary movies, and she eagerly said that she would like to see that movie with me. She was a trooper because she hates scary movies. The funny thing is, I actually jumped during that movie more than she did. We were a little awkward at this date because we were 15 and weird. While waiting for one of our moms to pick us up after the movie (yeah, lame) I commented on her purse. It was made of denim material and had pockets on the back, forming the appearance of blue jeans. I didn't know what else to talk about, so I said, "Hey, your purse looks like a butt." Well, we ended up getting married still, right?

 Sadie Hawkins night comes along and we are driven to a local Mexican restaurant, dressed like a cowboy and cowgirl. Or maybe just a hick and a hillbilly. We go to the dance and have a good time, and we even get to dance together into her 16th birthday. Good times.

 We're still just dating a bit, having fun. She can drive now, so no more lameness, although I couldn't drive for another two months. I told her that she had to take me out for ice cream as soon as she could drive on her own, so that's what she did.

 One day, three days before I turned 16, we went to see Bruce Almighty. After the movie, she brought me back home. I decided to finally ask her out (to be my girlfriend) that night, so I said that I wanted to talk to her about something. I was such a chicken that it took me over an hour to finally pop the question. I diverted the conversation to things like how I liked her shoes because they were "pretty cool." My sister came home with her boyfriend, and I asked them to leave because I was having a discussion with her. I finally got to ask the question, and she nonchalantly responded, "I'll think about it." My heart deflated a bit and I just said, "Okay."

 She loved it. Her idea was that since I took forever to get around to asking her (since it was already very obvious as to what I was going to ask), she was going to make me wait a little while. She says that she drove home with a smile on her face, which is probably true. She eventually called me that night and told me that the answer to my question is yes.

 I was on top of the world. I got the girl, and I would turn 16 in three days. Not a care in the world other than where I was going to take her on my birthday.


Originally posted November 27, 2011

Some more background information... the proposal.

 --

 In July 2006, we went to Orange Beach, AL with a couple of friends. We stayed down there for a week and had a good time. This was the first time that I had been to a beach, and it was also our first big trip away from home without "adult" supervision. We expected to come back with a tan, but only I knew that I would come back with a fiance.

 We had been together for three years, and I could tell that she was getting antsy. We had discussed future plans together, and she even picked out the ring that she wanted. When we discussed if and when I would get around to the proposal, I just replied that it would happen in a couple or a few years. I said that I didn't want it to just happen any place, and probably not just somewhere around town. This sort of hinted that the beach would be the ideal spot.

 I knew that she would be expecting to find something, and I knew that she would snoop through my stuff, so I changed my hiding place four times before I popped the question. She was at my house watching me pack, so I stuffed it in my small bag with the toothpaste and deodorant when I went to the bathroom. Clear. When we got there that night, I knew that the bag would be opened, so I transferred the ring to the toe of a shoe. Clear. Another day, I moved from the shoe to within my underwear stash. I knew she wouldn't look there because she's a pretty clean gal. Clear. On the day of the proposal, I moved it to the pocket of my swim trunks because I planned on going along the water with her. Clear.

 We arrived on a Sunday, but I waited until Tuesday because that is when there would be a full moon. The suspense was driving her crazy, and making her a little grumpy, which is why I hid the ring different places. She ended up going through my stuff and going through our friends’ stuff. She even interviewed them, hoping to get them to crack. I knew she would, which is why I didn't tell either of them. By Tuesday, I was not a moment too soon.

 We were having a good time, and I insisted that we go down to the beach and "look for shells" that washed to shore. This was around 10:00 PM. Long story, short, I ended up on one knee in the sand with waves washing up my legs, hoping that she wouldn't leave me down there too long. I suppose it is evident what her answer was.

 Now she's happy. She expected it, and I came through. We enjoyed the rest of the week on the beach, until the next Sunday, and had a good time. We took our engagement shots down there, and we came home to share the news with everyone.

 --

 To be continued...


Originally posted December 1, 2011

Fast forward a bit, and we got married at 21 on June 7th, 2008 (6-7-08). That’s an easy date for me to remember, so hopefully it will keep me out of the doghouse. We bought a house and started a journey of life together.

 I always wanted a motorcycle. Initially, we made a deal that I could get a motorcycle after we had a baby because she would at least have a mini-me in case something happened. One day, in March 2010, we stopped and looked at some bikes. She must have been in a different state of mind that day because I ended up getting a motorcycle, before we had a baby.

 For a little while now, things had changed some behind closed doors. My wife had been experiencing pain during intercourse, which prevented a lot of things from happening. She had gone to the doctor and they explained that she might have a case of endometriosis, which has been in her family history. Basically, endometriosis is a condition where there is tissue that behaves like the cells that grow in the uterus growing in other parts of the body, causing pain and possibly infertility.

 She had also been seeing a therapist around the same time because she had a feeling that everything was all in her head. The mind is a very powerful thing, and it could be possible that the pain only in her mind, at an attempt to cover up something underlying issues. Her father had abandoned her when she was born, and he later died when she was 7, so my wife had already been struggling with some issues with males. She told me once that she was afraid that I would leave her and that she sometimes has trouble opening up to me, but I assure her that I will stay with her.

 She continued to see her doctor and she scheduled an exploratory surgery to search for the endometriosis. It was a non-invasive surgery that used cameras to see if they could find a cause of the pain. The day of the surgery, she almost backed out because she was afraid that they would not find anything, but they gave her some medicine that relaxed her, and she went through with the surgery.

 There were no complications with the surgery. We found that she did indeed have endometriosis on her ureter, but it was discovered at an early stage and therefore was treatable. We were actually excited to hear this news because that meant that there was a treatable condition behind the issues we were having, rather than the pain being only in her head. She started taking some prescribed medicine in order to allow the endometriosis to be fought by her body.
 In the meantime, while with her therapist, she had been given some homework in order to try to make things better. I am still not sure what all they talked about, but it helped her to resolve some of the subconscious issues that she had. After waiting a little while, she was recommended a special kind of lubricant for us to use in the bedroom. She still had some hindering thoughts, but she decided to give it a try.

 A combination of things may have occurred, from the medicine to the therapy to the new “aid” to our continuing prayers, but, while leaving out some of the details, we discovered that her pain had virtually disappeared. We were so excited because not only would we be able to try for a child, but we were able to remove potential barriers from our relationship.

 My wife has a great heart. The whole time that we were struggling sexually, she was concerned that she would not be able to meet my physical needs and that I would leave her out of resentment. Although I was initially hurt that she would think I would operate that way, I realized that she still had some trust issues and that I just needed to continue to be there for her. I love my wife for countless reasons, with one being how great of a heart she has, and I assured her that I would not be going anywhere.

 --

 To be continued...


Originally posted December 6, 2011

After we got through the holidays, we decided that we wanted to open ourselves to God’s timeline in an attempt to conceive a child. We started in January of 2011, and my wife keeps a tight chronicle of everything that happens. She is a very organized person, so she always knows when her most fertile time is and when our attempts were.

 She also had established an online support system that I had not known about at the time. There are several forums and phone apps available, and she had formed friendships with people who shared in similar circumstances.

 Anxiety started to kick back in. January went by with no positive results, but we realized that it may take a few tries. February went by with no results and she was starting to get down. It is hard to look around at the families who are not fit to raise children for all kinds of reasons and see that they have children that they view as a burden, rather than a blessing. We continued in prayer and staying strong for each other.

 We went through March and still saw no results. We had practically given up on “trying” and decided that we would just let God bless us with a child when he is ready, although it is always hard to remind ourselves of that statement. In April, my wife had an extra pregnancy test lying around and she didn’t want it to stare in the face, so she used it.

 We have a photography business and we had a wedding to shoot one day. It was a Saturday, but she woke me up at 7 AM so we can “check our equipment.” I was a little grumpy, but I still went through my camera bag. When I opened my bag, there was a small piece of clothing on top. With my eyes still half closed, I moved the piece of clothing aside and said that it wasn’t mine. She just smiled at me and said, “What is it?”

That’s when I looked up at her and noticed that she had her camera pointed at me. I realized that she was filming me, and then I focused more on what I had moved out of the way. It was not just some piece of clothing that I moved out of the way, but it was a very small shirt that said, “I love my daddy.” Placed on top of the shirt was a home pregnancy test that read one simple word: pregnant.

 I almost didn’t believe it at first, but then I jumped up and embraced my wife. Coming out of my state of slumber, I joined her in what was going to be a long, emotional journey. It didn’t seem real, but we were going to be parents soon. At least, that is what we thought.

 --

 To be continued...

[Idiosyncrasy]

Originally posted December 8, 2011

For this next part, I believe it would be best told in my wife's voice from one of her blog posts:

This year was not what I had planned, imagined, or thought it would be. As a typical woman I had planned out my whole life. I had planned my future and I was not going to let anything mess up my plans. Towards the end of January, we decided to start our family. I got discouraged at first because I didn't realize how much went in to baby making. April 16th I decided to take a pregnancy test and see even though I thought it would be negative. We had a wedding to photograph that day so I figured if it was negative that at least I would have something to keep me happy that day. To my surprise it was positive! I woke up my husband with the test and he was shocked and happy as well. Everything was just perfect and I really didn't feel pregnant. I thought it was a walk in the park. About 3 weeks later I started spotting. I didn't think anything of it because everyone told me it was normal. Three days later I woke up for work and had a gush of blood. I called my mom and went to the doctor. I knew something was wrong. The ultrasound showed no baby but just a sack. I was heartbroken. I chose to have surgery(called a d&c) to make the process faster. After my post op exam I was given the go ahead by my doctor to try again and was told most people have at least one miscarriage in their life. We just decided to put it in God's hands.

 I waited and waited for my first cycle after my miscarriage and it never came. I decided to do a test and I was completely floored when I got another positive test! I had gotten pregnant just 3 weeks after my d&c. I called the doctor and was watched very carefully by having blood work done immediately and ultrasounds at 6 and 8 weeks. The doctor told me that anytime I wanted an ultrasound to just call which helped to ease my fears. I was tired all the time and ate a ton of fruit and chocolate milk. I went in for routine bloodwork and that is when my nightmare began yet again. Here is my journal entry from August 9,2011:


 "My world has been turned upside down in the last 4 days. My hopes and dreams of holding my miracle baby in February have been shredded. Last Wednesday August 3rd I went in for a routine bloodwork appointment. I met with the nurse and told her I had 2 nightmares about losing this baby. She told me I had nothing to worry about since we had seen the heartbeat twice but she would do an ultrasound to ease my fears. The ultrasound tech said I was only measuring 9 weeks 1 day instead of 10 weeks 1 day. The doctor came in and they turned the sound on. There was no heartbeat. All I remember saying was "Please tell me this isn't happen again? This can't happen again". That is when the doctor uttered the only words anyone knows to say "I'm sorry". I was then put in a room where the doctor came in and discussed my options. I chose to do a d&c again so they would be able to test the baby to see what caused this miscarriage. I made it to the car before I completely lost it. I took Thursday off of work and had a pity party for myself. I went to the hospital and waited in the lobby to be called for paperwork. It was hard to sit there and watch pregnant women enter and new babies leave in their carseats with their joyous parents. The nurse called me back and I nearly lost it when I saw "diagnosis: missed abortion" and my baby being referred to as tissue. I know these are medical terms but they were too harsh for me to bear. I had my d&c on Friday. The whole thing was deja vue. Same doctors, nurses, hospital, and tears."

Originally posted December 8, 2011

Don't worry, that wasn't my last post, but this one will bring us up to date.

 We have considered adoption, and that may very well be the option that we end up exploring, but we have decided to try to conceive one more time. My wife said that she wouldn't be able to handle any more miscarriages if it happens again, so we will have to hope and pray.

 My wife has been going through a bit of testing since September in trying to determine the cause. Our health insurance deductible has been met, so we have been doing whatever we can. We got the results back from the baby and they couldn't find anything wrong with the chromosomes, so that is a good thing.

 As a side note, while we were waiting for more test results and trying to find hope, my wife found a poem that she found relatable for others:

"A Pair of Shoes"

 I am wearing a pair of shoes.
 They are ugly shoes.
 Uncomfortable shoes.
 I hate my shoes.
 Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
 Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
 Yet, I continue to wear them.
 I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
 They are looks of sympathy.
 I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
 They never talk about my shoes.
 To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
 To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
 But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
 I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
 There are many pairs in this world.
 Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
 Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
 Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
 No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
 Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
 These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
 They have made me who I am.
 I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
 Author Unknown

 Most of the other tests came back negative, so we were waiting on a test about a blood clotting disorder. This runs in her family and both her mom and sister have also both suffered miscarriages, albeit after having successful pregnancies. While waiting for this test to come back, she started on a baby aspirin a day in order to get her blood thinned a bit.

 For those who may not know, clotting disorders change the game a little bit. Some people refer to aspirin as the home abortion because you can lose a baby during a normal pregnancy from taking aspirin. However, with a clotting disorder, the issues start to arise when the placenta forms. For the first bit, there is a yolk sack which feeds the baby when it is first formed. Shortly after (maybe around 6 weeks), the placenta forms and takes over providing nutrients. When a woman has a clotting disorder, the placenta does not get adequate blood flow because it clots, therefore not providing the nutrients needed to the baby. Thus, a miscarriage.

 So we were waiting for the results, and we discovered another potential issue. My wife and I take allergy shots and we have for a long time because her mom is a registered nurse practitioner at an allergy clinic. She had previously shown reactions to a type of preservative called phenol, so her dose is made with no phenol. Now, when they say no phenol, it still contains a very minute amount, but just not as much as normal vials. We were researching things, and although it is not very common, there are a couple studies that have linked phenol to miscarriages, but they aren't widely known studies. It is somewhat of a long shot, but we checked our records, and the date of loss when they both stopped growing coincided with dates when she got an injection. We aren't blaming anyone, but she stopped her allergy shots for now.

 She has also started accupuncture treatments with a woman who specializes in women infertility. It is eastern medicine, but there are success stories out there and we aren't ruling anything out.

 So, the test came back, and she does somewhat have the clotting disorder, although it isn't too extreme. Her doctor has been talking with a specialist and they will leave her on the baby aspirin for now. They might go to heparin shots twice a day in the future.

 Now, for the moment we have all been waiting for (thanks for bearing with me). My wife is about 8 weeks pregnant!!!

 We are pretty excited, but as you can imagine, we are still anxious. She is continuing her accupunture, and she has recently been switched to the heparin treatment. It was hard at first because she bruises a lot more easily now, but she is getting used to the twice daily shots and bruising less. She is also experiencing more pregnancy symptoms, so things are looking good. She has also been having very positive dreams (she even dreamed that she gave birth to a healthy full term baby). I know dreams aren't usually literal, but she did dream that she woke up in blood both times just days before the miscarriages occurred.

 Anyway, sorry for the long posts, but that is the current update. To answer the question again, we would consider adoption, but we are really praying that things go well this time around.

 Thanks for all the kind words. I will keep you posted.


Then I posted on January 21, 2012 that my wife was 14 and a half weeks pregnant, with some updates up and until our son's birth on July 9th, 2012.  Thanks for reading.

[Proots]

There is absolutely nothing I can say that will help the situation. No hollow platitude, no matter how genuine or well meaning from me or anyone else can ever do anything to even slightly alleviate what you and others who have gone through that feel. I'm not even going to try, so I hope you do not assume that I have a cold heart, it's just that to me - to even attempt to verbalize sympathies in this aspect would almost be an insult to you. I hope you understand.

[equanimity]

That was hard to read.  I can't imagine what she must have have been going through.

But a happy ending

Congratulations on the baby!  He's already 2 now I know, but better late than never lol.

[DaGuru]

Thanks for sharing that Idio, I'm glad to know you and your family a little bit better because of it. Good luck and godspeed to your entire household, especially the new one that is yet to make his/her appearance. 

There is absolutely nothing I can say that will help the situation. No hollow platitude, no matter how genuine or well meaning from me or anyone else can ever do anything to even slightly alleviate what you and others who have gone through that feel. I'm not even going to try, so I hope you do not assume that I have a cold heart, it's just that to me - to even attempt to verbalize sympathies in this aspect would almost be an insult to you. I hope you understand.

Oddly enough Proots, the words you just posted are wiser and kinder than what 95% of people will say to someone after suffering such a loss. People say some of the STUPIDEST things imaginable while feeling it necessary to "comfort" grieving parents, and I won't go into how insulting and hurtful some of those things were....even though people had their best intents behind them.

The best advice I could give to you or anyone else if you had the misfortune of having a family member or friend suffer such a loss....would be to keep that mindset with you. Most importantly, continue to be supportive and ask them if there is anything you can do for them, or even with them. Not just days after the loss, or at the funeral....but in the following weeks and months after is when it is toughest.

And some days even the people that are grieving don't know exactly what the hell they want, it literally changes hour to hour. Maybe one day you might stop by and all your friend might want to do is sit back and talk about their kid and share some tears. Another day they might need to get out of the house for a beer, ballgame, or other distraction to get their mind off of things. Also it never hurts to just ask them outright when you are checking up on them...."what do you want from me, how can I help you?"....because you truly never know what the response might be.

Best advice I can give is to always remember this.....grieving is NOT an "event", its a "process".

That was hard to read.  I can't imagine what she must have have been going through.

But a happy ending

Congratulations on the baby!  He's already 2 now I know, but better late than never lol.

Go fuck yourself un-daddy, every time I see your text on this thread it makes me want to kick your door down and bludgeon you repeatedly with your own keyboard until you stop breathing. Your hypocrisy and empty words sicken me like few people can in this world. 

[zok jr.]

My girlfriend got an abortion when i didn't want her to. I know this doesn't compare in the least but i was still depressed and disappointed about the whole thing.