Yea, I'm sure the procedure of treating an heroin abscess and a spider bite will be exactly the same...
No shit.
Clearly the point of the excercise has gone completely over your head. Joe Camel only needs a surface level explanation for apathetic or ethical medical assistance to pass it of no more questions asked, without the hassle that breaching plausible deniability brings (in the event that other means of safety net in Joe Camel's jurisdiction aren't known of.
This is a 'solution' which transcends OP's specific question and may be useful information in the future for another reader who
may not live where patient privacy is honored as much, if for some reason they set their mind on going to the doctor and explaining it away as a spider bite. Whether that is how you or I would do it has become at this point irrelevant and our only involvement further can be to sit back - with a bucket of popcorn if you wish.
Quit being an obnoxious shitposter and keep up.