My bubba and me, yeah! How to discipline your cat?

[kroz]

I love my bubba, but I don't understand why he always scratches the bed, opens up droors and slamming them closed, or just generally being annoying. Do I spank him? yell at him? This is kinda hard for me because I'm not a cat... What do I do?

[starvingniglet]

punch it in the face

[RisiR]

Make hizzing sounds like "Hizzzzz" or "Kzzzttt" that scares him. You have to mean it, though. They feel that shit. He will then test the waters and try to figure out what flips your switch and where his limits are. Though, don't give him too much attention or he will think it's a game.

[Vulture]

Make hizzing sounds like "Hizzzzz" or "Kzzzttt" that scares him.

This actually works ridiculously well. Either hiss or whip out the stereotypical squirt bottle.

[equanimity]

If you catch him in the act, blow in his face.  This is what I do when one of my cats starts biting and clawing the shit out of me.

[starvingniglet]

one of my cats starts biting and clawing the shit out of me.

Yet they would never eat your dead body if they were starving

[equanimity]

one of my cats starts biting and clawing the shit out of me.

Yet they would never eat your dead body if they were starving

He's being affectionate!  Just doesn't realize how sharp and painful he is haha.