My OCD mind keeps finding something wrong with EVERY SINGLE last time that I go to the party store and get boozse and drink for the last time every time something goes wrong and I have to do it again and I just can't keep doing this. It doesn't matter what theres no relief. When I try to stop giving a shit about it its no use, I still feel the fear/pressure in my chest and my mind keeps thinking about it and it keeps telling me to just go back there one more time if I just go back one more time that will be the end of it. But I just had a realizaton last night that no matter what, my OCD mind is just gonna find some reason why that can't be the last time and that I need to go back one more time. I totally refute one reason for having to back, the ocd mind just starts nagging about something else, like crickets chirping it never stops.
Tonight I've gone back there for the last time. Becaues I'm killing myself tongiht. I'm about to hang myself in my closet with my towel. Farewell.
