My christmas wish is for 90% of you to die in your sleep this morning.

home she turns into a silvery furred gremlin roughly the size of 25 average male abdomens if they were all sort of packed together, and her eyes are furry too, and just as soon as you take this all in, she laughs at you with a hollow smoke filled belchy sort of cackle and an Elephant's Ear floated out granting you half a wish.


WHAT WOULD YOU EVEN DO?

How they're opposite but I don't ever really think about it and when it do it makes things weird like I don't even know myself.

I stopped trying to make depressing threads and comments after understanding how exhausting it is for me, and how 'old' it gets for others to consistently have to hear about someone else's struggles; as though they/we all don't have problems of our own. That being said, I'm just gonna write a brief summary of my last year's experience with different anti-depressants, and if you have anything to suggest, awesome.


A year ago- I feel more depressed than I've felt my entire life, which is saying a lot, and finally give in to taking a prescribed anti-depressant. I get prescribed 20mg a day prozac by the family health care nurse practitioner or whatever the hell. I begin taking them and within 2 or 3 weeks I feel similar to being high on meth, save for many of the negatives. In short, I was getting up earlier, getting better rest, eating less/healthier, feeling a resurgence in my confidence and energy levels, etc. As the weeks went on, this increased, and I felt more 'alive' then I can remember feeling since I was a teenager. I also lost 50 lbs over the next 3-4 months.


9 months ago- slowly, and not quite noticeably to me at the time, the effects begin to dwindle. I am struggling with keeping a job because of my new confidence that 'I'm better than the shit I'm doing.' While the ambition or desire feels good, the fact that I can't stick with my current job until I figure something else out is not good.


7-8 months ago - I am still slowly declining in the initial surge of motivation that I had felt, and revisit the doctor who decides to continue the prozac and add abilify. I do research and talk myself out of taking them. I start to blame prozac or feel like it has fucked me up somehow; that it helped initially and then ruined or changed something within my mental chemistry.


6 months ago - I'm about back to my initial depressive state. Gained about 25 lbs back of the weight I had lost and feeling very little ambition or confidence as it relates to hanging out with people or interacting in general. Go back to doctor who changes my medication to Depakote, which is some anti-seizure horse pill type thing that apparently has been shown to help with severe depression. I take that for a while and feel worse; start missing work due to inability to get out of bed, extreme fatigue, zombie-like conditions so to speak.


3 months ago - go back to doctor. she changes my med to Imipramine, some ancient shit that is basically just another shot in the dark. Since I've been taking this the last several months, I felt a minor improvement, like from a 2/10 to a 4/10. I felt a bit better at work and haven't had any struggles as far as making it to work, but other than that my social anxiety has been ever prevalent, and my lack of motivation or ambition.


And now this last week I've missed work due to strong feelings of depression and fatigue. I'm basically just doing the bare minimum of what I need to to get by, and all of my relationships have been strongly affected by my depression. I am finally going to see an actual psychiatrist soon, and of course I'll explain to him/her everything and hopefully they'll have a better idea of where to go. Until that happens I'm still always curious to hear of others' experiences with anti-depressant medications or lack thereof.


I feel like I want to go back to prozac, maybe double the dosage of what I was initially taking. I'm sure that it induced a 'mania' to some degree, yet at the same time, almost any improvement was sure to feel like a manic state, in relation to the longstanding depressive state that I had been in. So, I don't know if it would be a good idea to go back to what started this all- the only thing that helped me feel better than I had ever felt- or do I go this alternate route of herbs and leaves and fucking green tea and morning jogs? Natural or not?


Someone wave your magic wand and heal me.

decade, for instance?


Don't mind me, I've been out of school for quite some time now and couldn't tell you much about the current historical textbooks are set up. From what I recall in my time in school was of course, the farther back in time we go, the more vast and broad the time ranges were covered. Like we don't talk about dinosaurs in terms of decades, or perhaps how each century seemed to have its own chapter or section of study, and that's how it was. Then getting into the 20th century as more relative knowledge begin to come to fruition, the texts seem to slow down and focus more on the individual decades or even years specifically. This led up to the 1980s and 90s which there didn't seem to be much information on.


So what I'm wondering is if within the next 30,40, 50 years or so, with the abundance of new information and technological advancement and resources at our hands, will historical 'texts' begin to dedicate more pages or content as it relates to the 21st century and beyond? Or, will it continue in the pattern I remember which amounts to more or less picking the top few most important events within any decade and focus on those things? One could say to the class of 2120 that the 2000s could be defined by 9/11 and the technological boom. At the same time, there's a myriad of other pertinent and crucial information that could be discussed in any format, including a historical education format.


Is there reason to give more attention to detail when more information is available, or is it more important to focus on the few significant moments within a particular period of time?

probably like 3 so far. maybe 2

my words are my sword, and I won't hesitate to cut you, B