Author Topic: How did your parents screw up?  (Read 308 times)

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Offline Zanick

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How did your parents screw up?
« on: November 30, 2014, 03:18:21 AM »
My parents divorced due to infidelity on my father's part. He stayed with the mistress for many years and, from an early age, I learned how to manipulate both parents to suit my needs. I've had two moms and two homes, but felt welcome in neither for much of the time. I'm unable to comprehend the nuclear family structure, for which I have great suspicion and even hostility.

Neither parent is able to save, and they raised their kids the same way. They make between $65k and $85k each, and my mom even helps pay for her mother's house, nurse, etc. but both squander their money unwisely. In the past year I've made an earnest effort to reduce my own spending habits. I'm not doing so well, but I have more in th bank than both of them combined.

How did your parents fail you?

Offline RustyShackleford

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Re: How did your parents screw up?
« Reply #1 on: November 30, 2014, 03:49:39 AM »
I can't complain or say they failed me, but I'm ending up just like them. My dad never taught me how to be man basically, how to stand up for yourself, tell someone to fuck off, change a tire. Now I'm just a spineless drone with the same mental problems and same shit attitude. My mom was always weird and over protective. Like in middle school my friend had a paintball birthday party and she wouldn't let me go because of the waiver, hassled me about stupid shit, really set a tone for my escapist mentality. Coulda been worse, but I think that interfering with the free roaming nature of a child is the worst thing you can do. Kids are meant to fuck around with no oversight, fear mongering will literally be the death of us.

Now I'm just a loser who just wants to make enough to scrape by, absolutely no intentions of finding a girl, and even less intentions of having kids.

Offline Enter

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Re: How did your parents screw up?
« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2014, 03:58:12 AM »
My parents divorced due to infidelity on my father's part. He stayed with the mistress for many years and, from an early age, I learned how to manipulate both parents to suit my needs. I've had two moms and two homes, but felt welcome in neither for much of the time. I'm unable to comprehend the nuclear family structure, for which I have great suspicion and even hostility.

Neither parent is able to save, and they raised their kids the same way. They make between $65k and $85k each, and my mom even helps pay for her mother's house, nurse, etc. but both squander their money unwisely. In the past year I've made an earnest effort to reduce my own spending habits. I'm not doing so well, but I have more in th bank than both of them combined.

How did your parents fail you?

I'm not reading that. Just judging from the title I can tell you're an inferior fucking piece of shit.

Why are you posting here? What do you have to gain? Can you just fucking give up already?

Offline Zanick

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Re: How did your parents screw up?
« Reply #3 on: November 30, 2014, 04:02:41 AM »
I can't complain or say they failed me, but I'm ending up just like them. My dad never taught me how to be man basically, how to stand up for yourself, tell someone to fuck off, change a tire. Now I'm just a spineless drone with the same mental problems and same shit attitude. My mom was always weird and over protective. Like in middle school my friend had a paintball birthday party and she wouldn't let me go because of the waiver, hassled me about stupid shit, really set a tone for my escapist mentality. Coulda been worse, but I think that interfering with the free roaming nature of a child is the worst thing you can do. Kids are meant to fuck around with no oversight, fear mongering will literally be the death of us.

Now I'm just a loser who just wants to make enough to scrape by, absolutely no intentions of finding a girl, and even less intentions of having kids.

My dad didn't teach my that shit either. I've taught myself how to shave and talk to women, but I still get labeled a softie and get taken advantage of when I bring my car in for repairs. My mother is highly introverted and I learned some bad social habits from her tendency to stay in. Okay for a successful parent with kids and a full-time job, but it didn't set a great example for me in high school, when I should have been learning to mingle with like-minded kids.

At least you know that, whatever you get back from your efforts, you can say that you figured it out yourself. My parents are both great, but there was a good amount I missed because of an awkward living situation and I'm proud to have made progress on some of the things they didn't show me, like shaving, talking to people and saving money.

Offline Rook

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Re: How did your parents screw up?
« Reply #4 on: November 30, 2014, 04:04:25 AM »
Can't say that mine failed me. I grew up in a semi-hostile environment as the rest of my family (and myself on occasion) can be a little high strung. Sure, I was an angsty teenager (or the Hell years, as I now refer to them), and I'm surprised my parents really put up with my shit the way they did. They have always given me good advice and looked out for me... even when I haven't wanted them to. In the right mood, I could probably complain about them in one way or another.. over protective mother, dad probably didnt get to spend as much time teaching me things.. etc.. But, being in my mid-twenties.. I've made up for all of that. I was a mostly self-taught individual for the biggest portion of my life, having browsed the web and learned everything necessary depending  certain situation.  I spend more time with my family now and appreciate them probably more than I ever did in my youth. My father is currently helping me build a small barn, my mom still gives me advice on things I already know about.. I let them help me, because I love them.. not because I always need it (sometimes I do though).. I feel like I've come full circle.. considering my dad was bi-polar and went un-diagnosed for a long time, and my mother was really.. really over protective. I raised hell, did my drugs, and somehow managed to not fuck up my life.. I'm not even sure how sometimes. But.. I'm alive and doing fine, and I'm exceptionally glad to have my family in my life. It's hard for a lot of people to make amends,, It even took me a while. I thought I had burned a lot of bridges, but.. after four years of reconstruction, things are the best that they have ever been. I never much cared or needed my parents respect or confidence, but having made that transition from a kid to an adult.. perspective.. it's constantly changing. Only now I've learned o have the foresight to see things from other peoples eyes.. parents, elders, misguided youths of today, etc.. We're all just people trying to make it.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.
-Robert Frost

Offline Gollumkip

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Re: How did your parents screw up?
« Reply #5 on: December 02, 2014, 07:04:17 PM »
My parents have always been overprotective. I could never sleep over at somebody's house as a child, it was a hassle to hang out with somebody- I became rather introverted especially after my surgery which kind of alienated me. When you're 10 years old and having to think about if you might die in surgery it's pretty scary. My parents have always been very loving but it's the kind of "within the box" love. They never sought out to understand only to make me into what they wanted. Once I got into drugs the alienation with my parents increased ten fold and there were never any talks just lectures. It's still like that. I don't have a very good relationship with them. They're just... parents. Doing what parents 'should'. They're embarrassed of me, my dad lies about me all the time. It's not really a failure on their part, they did a great job. My brother and sister are both well adjusted and on the way to success it seems like but not me. I'm the little black sheep here.

I feel if they had been more allowing of my freedoms, more perceptive and more open minded to my drug use and just had open and safe communication with me- I might have turned out better. I used to ditch school for months at a time, why my parents never took me to a psychologist I'll never fucking know. Maybe I'd have turned out the same anyway. I don't know. I do know that if I ever have kids I'm going to allow them a bit of freedom and try my damned hardest to keep an open line of communication with them about whatever problem may come up. My parent's don't know me in the slightest and the thought of that from a parents point of view is honestly pretty depressing to me, not truly knowing the children you have raised.
8=====D

Offline RestStop

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Re: How did your parents screw up?
« Reply #6 on: December 02, 2014, 11:54:33 PM »
I won't blame my parents for any of my flaws. My Dad has been in and out of correctional facilities since before I was born, just recently got out not even two months ago. My mom was dealt a kinda crappy hand, neither my father or my sisters father was really ever there, though I suppose that's partially her fault for picking shit men to have kids with.

So, basically my grand parents raised me. They were still fairly young when i was small, heavy drinkers and Harley riders, so I was a latchkey kid, no supervision 90% of the time, I started drinking and doing drugs when I was about 14. I don't feel the need to blame anyone, partying/drinking/drugs is something you either grow out of or you don't.

There's so many people I know who are 35+ who have no real income, hop house to house, have had their kids taken away and can't see them without supervision etc..Despite having two wonderful parents. At the end of the day it's really up to you how you turn out.

Offline John Smith

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Re: How did your parents screw up?
« Reply #7 on: December 03, 2014, 02:49:25 AM »
Did you ever watch a good sitcom, like Malcolm in the Middle, see the family interactions, the dynamic and moments of closeness, the conflicts that ended with strengthening rather than negativity, going out together as a family, and be completely unable to relate? At best there's a vague sense, a shadow of a memory, of what the holiday season, Christmas time, could feel like. The atmosphere it had, the unique beauty the lights and decorated trees had past sundown, for a short period of the year.

Why wasn't my life like that? Why couldn't I have parents and siblings that I could relate to, that were intelligent and knowledgeable, reasonable and logical, who taught me about the world, guided me, had fun and were open and close like there was no need to make any effort, to try to subdue feelings of awkwardness and resistance, like it was natural, normal, like it should be?

Why were my parents so unloving and involved in my life? Even when I did so well and brought home top marks, why was there almost no praise, only the negative? Why did they end up together with 3 children if there was no love, if they were close to divorce and my father blamed my mother for ruining his life, was verbally abusive, not just to her, but to me, insulting me, degrading me, damaging me for the rest of my life? Blaming me for all my problems as if I had full control over them, oblivious to biological differences and invisible disabilities, oblivious to the help I desperately needed and never received.

I lay awake at night and wonder "How different would my life had been?". Tears before falling, tears upon rising. If I had only known what it was like to go to bed with someone you truly loved and cared for, felt their warmth and the softness of their skin, able to be completely at ease, how different would things be now?